Crash Course Parenting
by sagdragon3002
Summary: Rikku and Auron are transformed into children. What are a Summoner and her Guardians to do when their most mature adult and most hyperactive friend become incapable of looking after themselves? FINISHED
1. When We Last Left Our Heroes

Typical Disclaimer-ness: I don't own FFX, anything familiar ain't mine, etc. etc.

Details: An AU, and slight touches of Aurikku. Honestly, do you need me to say as much? Mild, mild, mild character spoiler for FFX-2

Summary: Rikku and Auron are transformed into children. What are a Summoner and her Guardians to do when their most mature adult and most hyperactive friend become incapable of looking after themselves?

* * *

An old woman scowled into a boiling mass of green foam, viewing an image of her targets. She muttered darkly, "Respect their elders, teach them shall I. Children be they, until strikes my fancy the clock."

She sprinkled ground roots of poison leaves, shavings from a shoopuf's hide, and petals over the pot. "Back turn clock, return thee shall to proper existence. Children be they, until strikes my fancy the clock."

The foam swirled madly and glowed violet. At last, an orange fume rose from the pot and diffused through the window, tinting the blue sky for moments until the orangeness faded into oblivion.

* * *

The Moonflow shone beautifully this time in the year. Of course, without pyreflies, the river had to settle for regular fireflies to reflect colors during the night.

Auron liked fireflies better than their dreadful cousins anyhow.

Seven months after defeating Sin, Lady Yuna and her guardians were touring Spira and helping the people rebuild their lives. They were content, and since the blitzball season did not start until summer, Wakka and Tidus managed to accompany the party for most of the time.

After the fall of Gagazet, Kimahri chose to remain with Yuna and continue fulfilling his promise to look after the summoner. The black mage Lulu traveled with both Yuna and Wakka, their not-quite-so-subtle relationship from before out in the open.

Rikku surprised them all by stating she had no intention of returning to the Al Bhed and rebuild Home. She liked, "hanging out with my good ol' comrades that helped beat up Sin!" They all knew the truth: Cid was on an improve-or-destroy mission regarding the Al Bhed machina and Home, and the daughter preferred not waking up to a hunched figure stealing the dressers clean of her wetsuits for wire insulation.

Auron knew the Farplane should have been the next scenery he opened his eye to upon the death of Sin. He had been prepared for his Sending since meeting Yuna at Luca. That had not been the case these last twenty-eight weeks. In fact, he discovered his body regenerating and being reborn instead of decaying further. No one complained about his presence, however; they all seemed to appreciate the wisdom he imparted—

"Heeeey, Auron, you wanna topple rocks into the road with me?"

—Except, of course, Rikku. The one who needed it the most.

"People still use that road, Rikku. People such as _us_."

"But I saw Dona a while back!" Rikku bounced on her heels. "It'd be hilarious to block her way and watch her tread water!"

Auron glared down at the girl. "And what of Barthello, hm?" He liked the kid. A bit overenthusiastic, but he was earnest. It wasn't his fault that he traveled with a vain summoner.

"Well, I'm sure Barthello wouldn't mind a little water," Rikku smiled up brightly.

"Please, huh? Pretty, pretty please? I can't do it without you."

"Good," Auron snorted, turning away. "That means less fuss for Yuna to contend with." He walked a few steps, then turned halfway to the gaping Al Bhed. "No more talk about blocking roadways. I'm taking watch; get back to the others." He left to sit on a smooth stone, muttering something about 'children' and their 'lack of maturity.'

Rikku grumbled, kicking dirt and stalking back to the party. "'No more talk about blocking roadways,' he says," she mocked, doing a horrible impression of the stoic guardian. "'Get back to the others,' he says. Why doesn't he treat me like an adult? I helped defeat Sin for crying aloud. What does a girl have to do to get a little respect around here?"

She sat on the ground roughly, still glum. If only she were older, she'd show Auron! She giggled at the thought of being older than the guardian. Of course, then she'd get ugly with crow's feet and stress lines, and that was terrible to think about.

Feeling sleepy, Rikku snuggled into her bedroll and fell asleep, vowing to herself that she would dump water on Dona's head the next time they met. Or perhaps a mudslide full of worms and snakes. . . .

* * *

Kimahri awoke with a start, looking upward to find the sky tinged with sunrise gold. That wasn't right; Auron should have awoken him hours ago for the change in guard duty.

Immediately the Ronso stood and shook the first person next to him, Rikku. The girl mumbled, then a head popped from the covers. The two locked eyes, Kimahri surprised and the girl startled.

The girl shrieked and dove underneath the covers once more, reminding the Ronso something was not right. Everyone stirred, moaning about rude wake-up calls.

"Hey, what's with all the noise, ya?" Wakka smacked a fist against his bedroll, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Something wrong with Rikku," Kimahri said. "Rikku smaller."

Yuna got up and knelt beside the thief's bedroll, resting a hand on the lump between the folds. It shuddered. "Rikku, come on out," Yuna said softly.

The covers whipped away, revealing green, swirly orbs. "How'd you know my name?" she demanded childishly.

Everyone stared. Rikku had de-aged ten years, leaving her with chubby cheeks and a messy mop of blonde. Her body was still small and lithe, but Rikku's clothes were much too large for a six-year old form.

"Whoa," Tidus gulped. "Rikku shrank. How's that possible?"

Kimahri searched the area, not seeing their last member. "Something else wrong. Auron gone. Auron not wake Kimahri for guard."

Lulu frowned. "That's not like Auron. Where did everyone last see him?"

"The rock," Wakka stated, pointing to the post. "He was sittin' on it and keepin' guard."

Tidus jogged over, searching high and low for the missing guardian. "Nope! Not here!"

"Perhaps Auron pursued Rikku's assailant?" Lulu suggested.

"But why would Sir Auron not wake us to help?" Yuna pointed out.

A cry drew their attention away from the missing Auron. Rikku buried her face in her hands, crying and kicking her feet.

"Hey, now, don't do that, ya?" Wakka tried calming the child down. "What's wrong?"

"E fyhd so tytto!" Rikku howled, her Al Bhed confusing Wakka even further. (_I want my daddy!_)

"She wants her dad," Tidus translated, then crouched next to her. "We'll get you to your daddy, Rikku. Promise!"

Her crying stopped abruptly. Rikku regarded Tidus warily, then sniffled, "Promise in Al Bhed!"

"Er," Tidus racked his brain, then fumbled out, "E bnuseca du veht ouin tytto, Rikku." (_I promise to find your daddy, Rikku_.)

Rikku giggled. "You sound funny."

As Tidus and Rikku conversed, Yuna, Lulu, Kimahri, and Wakka tried to solve the mystery of Auron's location. "You don't think he went to the Farplane, do you?" Yuna asked Lulu.

"Doubtful," Lulu answered. "There hasn't been a Sending. And he didn't seem to have any particular desire to go, either."

"Maybe he got turned into a kid, too," Wakka said. His expression became horrified, along with Yuna and Lulu.

"Kimahri smell Auron that way," Kimahri pointed north, the direction of the shoopuf docks. "Possible Auron went to shoopuf."

"Let's hurry," Yuna clasped her hands together. "We can't allow Auron to face danger alone."

* * *

A small boy of three years toddled along the road, completely lost. For the most part the child was naked, but an oversized shirt clung to his waist desperately.

The boy knew not where he was. But when he saw the gigantic shoopuf, it didn't matter.

"Thoopuf!" the boy cried gleefully, toddling quicker across the road.

He ducked and darted through the forest of legs, eyes focused on the giant animal. He ascended the stairs one step at a time, and finally reached the platform. A Hypello noticed the boy, and panicked.

"Noo, don't go nears ze shoopuf," the Hypello told the boy, snatching a handful of the shirt. "Where ish your mother? Ze shoopuf ish not for little boysh."

"Thoopuf!" the boy said, pointing at the animal. He wanted to ride the shoopuf, why was this strange thing stopping him?

"Noo shoopuf," the Hypello replied.

The boy's lower lip trembled, and tears came to his eyes. Just as he was about to cry, a voice said, "Excuse me, I need to cross the Moonflow."

The Hypello and boy turned to look at the rider. He was tall, with blonde hair and greenish eyes. He repeated, "Is the shoopuf traveling today?"

"Yesh, ze shoopuf ish riding today," the Hypello nodded vigorously. "Boards ze shoopuf, pleash."

"Thoopuf," the boy said despondently; while he desired to ride the shoopuf, he knew that a good boy obeyed a grown-up's orders.

The man paused, then looked at the boy. "Hello there. Did you want to ride the shoopuf?"

The boy brightened, jumping up and down. "Thoopuf! Want to wide thoopuf!"

The man chuckled. "Alright, how about you come with me? Where are your parents?"

Blinking, the boy tilted his head downwards. "No pawents. Just thoopuf."

A sigh escaped the man. "Another one of Sin's victims," he shook his head, proffering his hand. "Come, I will take you in."

"Thoopuf?" the boy grabbed the man's hand.

"Yes, we ride the shoopuf," the man laughed heartily as they boarded. The Hypello shook his head, but as long as the man wanted to take responsibility of the child, he didn't care. "Shoopuf full shpeed aheads!"

"Thoopuf go!" the boy laughed, waving his arms.

"Yes, shoopuf go," the man nodded. He would be late for his rendezvous with Cid at the Travel Agency in the Thunder Plains, but the Al Bhed leader was easy to appease with good apple pie. And though he did have a rough exterior, Cid adored children. He suddenly realized an impediment to the boy's and his companionship. "Say, boy, do you have a name?"

The boy looked up. "'Ron," he lisped.

The man blinked. Ron? It struck a chord of familiarity within him. "That is a unique name. My name is Rin, so that you know."

"Rin," the boy tried the name out. Then he grinned. "Rin! Rin Rin Rin Rin!"

The Al Bhed chuckled, letting the boy named Ron have his fun. Wasn't Cid going to be surprised when he entered the Travel Agency with a child in tow.


	2. A Mystery Solved and Thiny Things

Chapter Two of _When Aliens Attack_ starring Matthew Perry, Christopher Lambert, Anne Heche, Eliza Dushku, and---wait.Oopsie. Wrong story.

Ahem. Chapter Two of _Crash Course Parenting_ starring the Final Fantasy X crew is here. Yay! (crickets chirp) well, fine. I thought it was exciting.

It may become blatantly obvious as the story wears on, but I have _never_ been around 3 or 6 year olds. If they act smarter (or dumber) than they should, then I apologize. It's a...a...a plot device. Yeah,that's it, a plot device!

There's some use of Al Bhed in this story, as it wouldn't be authentic if all the Al Bheds spoke the common language. The translations are directly after the sentence, for more convenient reading. This concludes the obscenely long (and undoubtedly pointless) A/N.

* * *

"When will the shoopuf return?" Yuna asked the Hypello distraughtly.

"Ze shoopuf returnsh when ze shoopuf returnsh," the ferryman replied. "You cannot rush ze shoopuf."

"Please, it's an emergency," Lulu told the Hypello.

"Imposhibibble," the Hypello shook his head, then walked away from the group.

"Argh, stupid shoopuf," Wakka kicked the dirt.

They had followed Kimahri's nose toward the shoopuf dock, picking up Auron's fallen wardrobe while their fears of Auron's status rose by the minute. They arrived at the docks, only to find the shoopuf gone, having already taken passengers across the Moonflow.

Tidus looked downward as a hand tugged the hem of his shirt. Rikku, newly clothed in a better-fitting pink jumper, said, "You promised we'd find Tytto."

"I know Rikku, but we have another friend to find, too," Tidus told her. He backtracked, and announced, "Hey, why don't we call up Cid? We'll kill two birds with one stone: he can take us over on his airship, and Rikku will be with her dad."

"Sound good," Kimahri nodded. "Call Cid."

"Right," Yuna nodded.

Rikku smiled. She didn't know what they meant by 'airship,' but she knew Cid was her tytto's name. Though, she wasn't sure if she liked the idea of hurting birdies to find her tytto.

Lulu and Yuna left to contact Cid. With only Kimahri, Tidus, and Wakka to entertain her, Rikku decided to play. She slapped Wakka's leg and ran, giggling madly.

"Hey, what was that for?" Wakka called.

"It's Tag, silly-head!" Rikku shouted back. "You're It!"

Wakka looked at Tidus, clueless. "It's a game," Tidus explained. "One person starts out as "It" and the others are free. The one who's It tries to touch others while they run away to make them It."

"Oh," Wakka nodded, then slapped Tidus. "You're It, then!" He proceeded to run.

Tidus turned to Kimahri. "Wanna play?"

Kimahri stared at the blitzer dubiously. "Kimahri keep watch," the Ronso finally said.

Shrugging, Tidus said, "Suit yourself," and chased after Rikku and Wakka.

After five minutes of play (during which Rikku miraculously avoided the adults in spite of their best efforts) Lulu and Yuna came back. "Cid will be here shortly," Yuna told them all.

"We had to tell him about Rikku before he could be swayed," Lulu added bitingly. "He apparently had a _very_ important meeting with Rin at the Thunder Plains Travel Agency."

"Tytto is coming?" Rikku chirped. When Tidus nodded, she cried in glee and pranced.

"How long?" Kimahri asked the two women.

"Cid said no more than a half-hour," Yuna answered. "I think he'll break the sound barriers just to make sure Rikku is alright."

Yuna was correct. In fifteen minutes the airship landed cacophonously by the Moonflow. The Al Bhed leader disembarked the airship, yelling, "Rikku? Yuna? Tidus?"

"Byby!" Rikku screeched, kicking up dust to reach her father.(_Papa_) She leapt into his arms, and made no notice of his shocked face as she launched into a fairly long-winded tale of her experiences.

"E fyc cmaabehk naymmo famm yht tnaysehk uv Sysy frah drec pek pmia suhcdan lnaydina dryd E vuiht uid fyc naymmo y kuut vneaht fuga sa ib yht E fyc ymm ymuha fedruid oui yht hu uha byet yddahdeuh du sa cu E lneat yht drao cdyndat byoehk yddahdeuh du sa ykyeh yht Tidus bnusecat ra't veht oui, yht rec Al Bhed ec naymmo vihho-cuihtehk, duu, yhtYuna ec yh yfvim mud mega dryd luiceh Yunie oui dumt sa E ryt, yht Wakka ec naymmo vihho, yht Lulu ec yfvimmo hela yht—"

(I was sleeping really well and dreaming of Mama when this big blue monster creature that I found out was really a good friend woke me up and I was all alone without you and no one paid attention to me so I cried and they started paying attention to me again and Tidus promised he'd find you, and his Al Bhed is really funny sounding, too, and Yuna is an awful lot like that cousin Yunie you told me I had, and Wakka is really funny, and Lulu is awfully nice and—)

"Rikku, lyms tufh," Cid interrupted, wide-eyed. (c_alm down_) "You're speaking like a broken sphere."

"Byby," Rikku rolled her eyes, nonetheless delighted that she was in her father's embrace once again.

"It's just as we told you, Cid," Lulu approached delicately. "Rikku is six years old, and we're afraid the same fate may have occurred to Sir Auron."

Cid paused, remembering the stoic guardian. He chuckled. "That man was probably the most depressed child in the history of Spira."

"Uncle!" Yuna frowned at the man. "Sir Auron is a great and courageous man."

"Hmph," Cid snorted, his preconceptions of the guardian still firmly rooted. "Come on, Rin and I were going to talk about rebuilding Home before you called. I'm probably late as it is."

"We gonna see Uncle Rin?" Rikku inquired cheerily.

"Yep, we're going to see Uncle Rin," Cid lowered Rikku to the ground; he still had some trouble seeing his sixteen year old ten years younger. "Come on, everyone! I ain't in the mood to keep Rin waiting! He's worse than I am that way."

* * *

Rin entered his business, carrying Ron on his back. He looked around but saw no sign of Cid. He came up to the counter and asked the receptionist, "Have you seen Cid?"

"He went out for a bit," she replied. "Said he'd be back ASAP."

"Alright. Thank you." _So much for me being late; where in the world could he be?_ Rin grumbled to himself as he went to the back, setting a sleeping Ron on a soft chair. The boy mumbled, then shifted for a more comfortable position.

_He needs clothes,_ Rin thought. _Clothes that fit, and not for a man quintuple his size._

Going into his storage, Rin sifted through his goods. He finally came out with a vibrant green shirt and yellow pants, tailored in true Al Bhed style. Gingerly Rin pulled Auron upright, dressing the boy without waking him.

Rin felt rather than heard the front doors swing open, and Cid's unmistakable voice yelled, "Rin!"

Ron made a face in his sleep and burrowed deeper into the chair. Rising quickly, Rin entered the lobby. "Cid, keep your voice down. People do sleep here, you know."

"Uncle Rin!" a young voice cried, one that Rin had not heard in a long time.

A body attached itself to his leg, and Rin found himself looking at the top of a much younger Rikku's head. "Rikku? Is that you?"

"Course it's me," Rikku grinned upward. "Who else would it be?"

"Somehow she was transformed into a child," Lulu entered the building, greeting Rin. "She is not our only worry, however."

"Ya, Sir Auron's missing, too," Wakka added.

Sir Auron. Auron. Au_ron_. "Oh, tysh," Rin shook his head (_damn_). "That was it."

"What was what?" Tidus pressed.

Rin detached his leg from Rikku's grasp, and left the room. The group was mystified, until Rin reentered carrying a bundle. A rather young, sleepy bundle.

"Mmm, want sweep," 'Ron' yawned, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

Yuna gasped, approaching Rin and the boy. "Is that. . . Sir Auron?"

The boy, Auron, peered at the summoner. "Pwetty eyes," he murmured, reaching out a tiny hand.

"Whoo boy," Tidus slumped his shoulders; until that moment, he had held out hope for Auron's normalcy. "Auron's a kid. This day just keeps getting worse and worse."

Rikku stared up at the dark-haired boy. "I'm cuter," she announced firmly.

Auron turned his gaze from Yuna's eyes to Rikku. His searching gaze found a charm dangling in her hair. A _shiny_ charm at that. In true toddler fashion, Auron grabbed it and pulled, attempting to claim it as his own.

"Ow!" Rikku wailed. "Stop that! You're pulling my hair!"

"Mwine!" Auron cried.

"No! It's mine!"

"Bad Auron!" Yuna gasped, prying his fingers loose. Given that he no longer had the strength of his former, legendaryself, Auron's grasp was relatively weak.

His lung capacity had not diminished, apparently, as he took to howling. Loudly.

"I never thought I'd be saying this of Auron, but shut him up!" Wakka yelled over the din. "He'll wake the dead in the Farplane!"

Cid took up the challenge, taking the boy from Rin's hold and rocking him. "Hey, shh, stop your cryin'. You ain't hurt."

The cries dwindled down to sniffles, but Auron still eyed the charm in Rikku's hair. "Wan'," he said, reaching out for the item.

"Nuh uh!" Rikku danced away, hiding behind Lulu's dress. "It's mine! Tytto gave it to me, you can't have it!"

Auron looked ready to wail again. Desperate, Tidus searched the room for a replacement. Nothing was as shiny as Rikku's charm except. . . .

Lulu's hair pins.

"Lulu, give me one of your hair pins," Tidus whispered to the mage. "It'll keep both of them calm that way."

The mage nearly denied him the pin; she liked her belongings to _stay_ her belongings. But when Auron restarted his crying, she whipped out a pin with a ruby gem and thrust it to Tidus.

"Hey, hey, Auron, look!" Tidus held the pin in front of the toddler. "Isn't it _shiny_?"

Stopping his wails so abruptly he hiccupped, Auron regarded the pin regally. Deciding that something was better than nothing, he snatched the pin. "Mwine!"

"Yeah, it's yours," Tidus nodded, adding under his breath, "For now, anyway."

An audible sigh of relief swept the room, and everyone found a seat. Cid returned Auron to Rin while he sat his daughter on his lap. Auron was enraptured by the ruby gem, and Rikku had no complaints against the boy (as long as he kept his grubby hands away from _her_ stuff).

"Now what do we do?" Wakka inquired. "We've got two kids and no idea how."

"Black magic is the only plausible explanation," Lulu said, rearranging her hair piece to make up for the loss of the second. "Someone transformed Auron and Rikku into children with a spell. The only questions are: which spell, and why."

"Do you guys think," Tidus gulped, "_we'll_ be next?"

Silence. Cid shuddered. "I hope not. Taking care of my daughter's one thing: I've already done that. I ain't takin' care of a mage, summoner, two blitzers, a Ronso, and a guardian along with the responsibility of Rikku."

"May I suggest we table the discussion for tomorrow?" Rin asked. "It's been a rather long day, and our thoughts will not come any faster at night."

"Two children sleep," Kimahri added.

True enough, Rikku had cuddled to her father and fallen asleep. Auron gripped the pin in both hands, but curled into a ball in Rin's lap.

The adults left the room to put the children to bed. After Cid tucked Rikku in, he left to search for the others. He caught them just as they were leaving, but his shout made them halt.

"What the ramm do you people think you're doing?" Cid growled, entering Auron's room (_hell_). Curious, Tidus reentered and searched the room. The child had been placed in the middle of the bed, and a night-light had been turned on to illuminate the room. Nothing created shadows the toddler might perceive as 'scary' or 'frightening.' All in all, Tidus thought they had done a wonderful job.

"What's the matter?" Tidus asked. "Nothing seems wrong."

"Do any of you know how to take care of children?" Cid asked furiously, picking up Auron. By the blank looks he received, Cid assumed none of them had experience. "You can't let a three-year old sleep in a bed like this without some sort of railing to keep him from falling. You and you," he pointed to Kimahri and Wakka, the strongest-seeming of the party, "move the bed against the wall; that'll be one railing. Rin, do you have anything to block the other side of the bed?"

Rin shook his head. "I have never had customers in danger of falling off the bed."

Cid sighed. "Then one of you has to sleep with Auron and make sure he doesn't fall."

Everyone stared at each other. Kimahri backed out of the room, saying, "Kimahri no like beds. Sleep outside." He left.

Lulu said, "It would be rather awkward for Yuna or I to sleep with Auron, in case he remembered later." Lulu left the room.

Yuna nodded furiously in agreement with the mage. "The best candidate is between you and Wakka, Tidus," she added, darting out as well.

Wakka and Tidus regarded each other warily. "I thought of the way to quiet him down," Tidus told the Besaidian. "You should stay."

"I moved the bed," Wakka retorted. "You should stay."

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Cid hissed, rocking the boy gently. "It's sleeping with a child! It's not like anyone's asking you to breast-feed the brat!"

Tidus shifted guiltily. Auron had cared for him as a child after his mother died. He had performed tasks no monk probably ever received training for, and he did them without complaint. Except for the time when Tidus accidentally let a Saint Bernard into the house, and that was to complain about the atrocious carpeting Jecht had picked.

Surely Tidus could do this one little thing for the old guardian. Right?

"I'll sleep here," he told Wakka. "But I'm not bathing him."

Wakka looked terrified at the prospect of a naked Auron, but he still left quickly.

"Here," Cid handed Auron to Tidus. "Be sure to sleep on the unprotected side. Keep him covered in a blanket, too; kids get cold easier."

"What if I crush him?" Tidus gulped. Rikku had seemed much more solid; Auron was like a fragile doll.

"Don't worry about it," Cid told him gruffly. "No one's ever crushed a kid while sleeping. Your main concern should be not falling off the bed yourself."

Cid took his own leave. Cautiously, Tidus laid Auron down on the bed once more and covered him. Gingerly he slipped onto the bed himself, easing his head onto the pillow.

He didn't sleep until late that night. In spite of Cid's assurances, Tidus feared rolling onto the boy and dreaming straight through the boy's pleading wails, only to wake up to a blue-faced child in the morning.

* * *

Will Auron be alive in the morning? Will Rikku like Auron better when he's nottrying to possessher stuff? Will everyone survive parenthood? Who knows? Oh, wait, that would be me... 


	3. Bath Time and an Unusual Temper

For those of you who are wondering how long this story will go on, I have just about ten chapters written. The reasons I don't just upload all of the chapters and have it done with is A) I'm tweaking some stuff and adding some more "fun" adventures for Rikku and Auron, and the party as a whole in extension and B) because I'm a bad, bad writer who likes to draw out the torture.

Here's Chapter 3. Enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter 3: Bath Time and an Unusual Temper_

Sunlight invaded the room, shining directly into Tidus's closed eyes. He awoke reluctantly, wanting to sleep more.

Yesterday's events crashed upon him, making him stiffen in bed. Had yesterday really been yesterday, or had it been a dream? Tidus opened an eye, looking to his right.

No one rested beside him. Breathing a sigh of relief, Tidus nearly relaxed when he felt something brush his thigh.

With a soft moan, Tidus lifted the blanket slightly. Curled underneath the sheets, head propped against a thick fold in the blanket, was Auron's sleeping, three-year old form.

Groaning, Tidus pulled Auron gently from underneath the blankets and placed him properly on a pillow. After ensuring Auron was alive and well, Tidus decided to sleep more. He rolled to his side, away from the burning sunshine rays and sighed as he sank into darkness. . . .

_THUMP!_

And fell flat on his face off the bed.

"Ow," Tidus croaked, rubbing his nose. Cid's advice mocked him as he lay on the floor, but Tidus banished the errant thought from his mind as he rose.

The fall was apparently louder than Tidus had thought; Auron was awake and upright, blinking blearily. "Why'd you fwall?" the boy asked.

"Er," Tidus grinned nervously. "I was trying to get out of bed. You should get some more sleep, Auron."

The boy shook his head. "Wan' food."

"Ah, you're hungry, eh?" Tidus picked up the boy, holding him against his torso. "Well, let's go get you something to eat then."

Auron squirmed in his grip, then stopped before Tidus could say anything. Tidus paused. Why did he feel something wet on his shirt. . . ?

"Nee' go potty, too," Auron duly informed him, ten seconds too late.

* * *

Cid looked over his newspaper as he heard feet tapping across the floor. By the lightness of the noise, he knew it was one of the two youngsters. Since Rikku hadn't announced her royal presence yet, that meant Auron was the one approaching.

The Al Bhed leader leaned back in his chair, spotting the boy as he tottered to the table. Auron still wore the green shirt, but his yellow pants had been changed to orange shorts.

Oblivious to the man in the room, Auron clambered onto a chair without too much difficulty and stood on the seat. The table reached his waist, and he reached out a tiny hand to the plate with cookies made by the Agency's chefs.

"Whoa there, kid," Cid kept Auron from taking too many cookies, stopping him at two. "You need a real breakfast before you eat too many of those."

Auron blinked at Cid, then held out one of his treats. "Cookie?"

"No, thank you." Cid watched as the boy remained standing to eat the cookies. More of the cookie littered his lips and shirt than went into his mouth.

Cid hadn't been joking when he remarked that he thought Auron had been a depressing child. The Legendary Guardian gave off an air of complete seriousness, and his no-nonsense attitude seemed to stem from an early-influence. It seemed three-years old was too early, even for the guardian. Cid drank from his cup of tea, contemplating the boy.

Yuna entered the room, greeting Cid before noticing Auron. She placed a hand over her mouth and moaned. "Auron, you should have breakfast before you eat sweets."

Auron paused mid-nibble, then held out a bribe/treat once more. "Cookie?"

"No cookie," Yuna replied, unconsciously reverting to a tone reminiscent of baby-babble. Taking the whole-cookie out of his hand and replacing it on the plate, she wiped his mouth of crumbs. "We'll need to get you a new shirt, too. That can wait after you take your bath."

Auron froze, eyes wider than spheres. "No bath!"

Cid snorted into his tea, doing his best not to guffaw at his niece's expense. Yuna turned and glared at him. "What?"

"He's a little boy, Yuna," Cid told her. "There ain't no way you're gonna get him to willingly take a bath."

"No bath!"

Yuna sighed. She hadn't learned about child-care while apprenticing as a summoner. Successful summoners never had to worry about raising children. "Then what do I do? He needs to bathe."

"No bath!"

"Throw him in the tub," Cid shrugged. "Don't worry about hurtin' his feelings, they usually forget once you give them something to tinker with."

Yuna bit a nail. "I should probably get one of the men to do this," she commented, mostly to herself. "Auron would prefer modesty, I think."

"If he was a warrior monk, he's learned how to do without modesty," Cid remarked. Then he twisted his head around. "Hey, where'd the brat go?"

Auron had vanished from his seat.

* * *

Rikku yawned as she left her room, rubbing her eyes clean of sleep-grit. She dreamt marvelously last night, dreaming of a beautiful, icy forest and sandy beaches near aqua-green oceans. Rikku had never seen these places, though; all she remembered was her Bikanel Home and the Moonflow where she awoke yesterday morning. She supposed her imagination painted the magnificent canvases to entertain her.

The Al Bhed girl turned when she heard footsteps echoing hers. She found Auron tailing her, cookie crumbs smeared over his mouth while two cookies were gripped in hand. Placing her hands on her hips, Rikku scowled at the boy. "What do you want? I'm not giving you my charm. It's mine."

Auron stopped, a thoughtful look coming over his features. "Cookie?" he offered, extending his arm to proffer the stolen cookie.

Rikku's eyes widened in delight. "I love cookies!" she giggled, taking the cookie. She eyed him critically. "Well, alright, you can tag along with me. But no yanking _anything_ in my hair, okay?"

"No yanky," Auron agreed, and with that settled they trundled down the hallway together. They left the Agency with no one the wiser, disappearing into a market placed under the safety of a newly constructed lightning tower.

Any doubts Rikku had to Auron's worth dissipated once she discovered his secret talent: adorability. Grown-ups seemed to love his russet eyes and downy hair; a few even wiped his mouth clean of excess crumbs. They lavished him with trinkets, trinkets that Rikku herself liked. Auron cared not for most of them; none were shiny enough to catch his attention. The food he gobbled for himself, but Rikku learned how to goad her own meal from the vendors: introducing herself as the boy's older, responsible sister made the crowd ooh and aah and fill her plate with tasty cakes and sweet fruits.

"Now, aren't you glad I let you come with me?" Rikku told Auron. "We have such great adventures!"

"'ventuwes," Auron repeated, licking a large lollipop.

"I'm sure Tytto will let you come with us to Home," Rikku added. "It's really huge! We'd have lots of fun there!"

"Fun," Auron grinned. "Wots of fun."

"Yep, we'll go sand-boarding, and crawl around in air-vents, and play around with wires and screwdrivers—"

"Rikku!" her father clapped his hand on her shoulder. She jumped; Auron simply looked upward, lollipop enveloped in his mouth. "Where have you been? We've been going crazy looking for you and Auron!"

"We were just playing," Rikku said innocently. "We can even see the Travel Agency, right over there!"

"Pway," Auron nodded, returning to licking his sweet. "Pway fun."

Cid wiped a hand over his face. "Let's get you two back to where you _should_ have been an hour ago. C'mon." He grabbed their hands, wincing at the stickiness. "What have you two been doing? Petting snails?"

"Eat wots," Auron informed him happily. "I got a sthucker." He showed Cid the lollipop proudly, before promptly sticking it into his mouth.

Cid sighed. Yuna was going to blame him for their sugar intake. And if Yuna was anything like her mother, then Cid needed to write his will before returning to the Travel Agency.

Unless he redeemed himself. Now, what would make Yuna thankful enough to forget his previous mistake?

He glanced down at Auron again. _Well, it ain't like he's got his sword to chop me in two. And odds are, he won't remember this little debacle. . . .

* * *

_

In order to complete the task, Cid decided he needed to employ others. Tidus and Wakka, to be precise. He figured, with their affinity to water and natural boyishness, they could handle the three-year old easier than an old man like him could.

"Auron, get back here!" Tidus yelled, racing after the boy in the large bathroom.

"NO!" Auron cried back. "No bath!"

Cid learned that even two men could have trouble with a toddler's stubborn will.

Tidus's long legs enabled him to catch up to the boy, and he snagged Auron around the waist. "Now just. . . hold. . . still!" Tidus ordered, trying his best to avoid the kicking legs.

"No no no no no no NO!" Auron screamed, wriggling for all his worth.

_I never thought I'd be bathing Auron,_ Tidus grimaced. _This is going to be so bizarre. Was this what he felt like, when he had to bathe me?_

"No bath no bath no bath NO BATH!" Auron continued to wail.

"Man, he's a fighter, ya?" Wakka called from the water, already wet. "Need a hand?"

"I think I got him," Tidus answered, setting Auron down but not letting go. "Now, Auron, you're going to have a bath no matter what. But, wouldn't you like to be a big kid and undress yourself?"

"No bath!" Auron shouted.

Tidus sighed. "Alright, we'll do this the hard way." He grappled with Auron, undressing him with difficulty. Auron wailed and howled as his clothes were removed, but could no more delay the inevitable than he could wield his katana.

"Here, Wakka, take him," Tidus held the kicking boy out for the blitzer.

"Why me?" the other man protested.

"I told you last night," Tidus scowled over Auron's raven locks, "I'm not bathing him if I have to sleep with him."

Cid sighed. Apparently he had to do everything for Auron's sake. He got up, hefted the boy out of Tidus's arms, and dipped him in the shallow end of the group-tub. "There now, see? Don't you like the water?"

Rather than a coherent and dignified response, Auron simply cried harder, flailing his arms and legs.

"Yo, I really don't think he likes the water," Wakka observed. "I don't think he even liked it when he was older."

"I don't remember Auron ever getting into the water, come to think of it," Tidus scratched his head. "I always wanted him to help with my blitzball techniques, but he'd just glare at me and say, 'Do I look interested to you?'"

"Well, he's gotta take a bath," Cid said over Auron's screaming, "or he's gonna smell from Ramm to high heaven."

"Well, then let's get this over with, ya." Wakka picked up the soap. "Before he gets an aneurysm or something."

Diligently, the three men worked at bathing Auron. It took Wakka to hold Auron (as he was already thoroughly wet), Tidus to have rinsing water on hand, and Cid to scrub the boy clean. At the end of thirty-five harrowing minutes, Cid, Tidus, and Wakka were drenched head-to-toe and Auron was washed.

In spite of the end to the ordeal, Auron had not stopped shrieking. He had cried straight through the bathing, and Tidus wondered why the boy hadn't turned blue already.

"If he don't stop, he'll get sick," Cid tried hushing him, but to no avail.

Wakka rushed off, then bounded back to the room with Lulu's hair pin. "Auron, lookie what I got. Somethin' nice and shiny for you, ya."

Auron ignored Wakka. He began to hiccup and gasp, not pacified by the gesture.

"What is going on here?" Lulu entered, exasperated. She saw Auron's condition and frowned. "Why is Auron crying?"

"We gave him a bath," Tidus informed the mage. "He still hasn't gotten over it yet."

"Brother was never like this when I dumped him in the tub," Cid tried every trick he knew to calm the boy down. He even used the belly-tickle trick, something he swore he would never do again. The trick failed.

Lulu bit her lip, then pulled out a moogle doll, brushing a paw against his tear-streaked cheek. "Auron, look what I have for you. Don't you want to play with the doll?"

Auron's eyes pried open, still wailing. The cries ceased as he beheld the doll. "Mwine," Auron grasped for the doll. Lulu surrendered it with no protest; she hoped the moogle would understand the urgency of the situation.

The three men sighed a relief. "He's finally quiet," Wakka reveled. "Man, the kid's got some lungs, huh?"

"RIKKU! _COME BACK HERE THIS **INSTANT**_!"

A giggling, soapy, and naked Rikku ripped through the hall. An extremely aggravated Yuna chased Rikku in a bathrobe, drenched and soaped.

Tidus, Cid, Wakka, and Lulu watched until the girl and woman had turned a corner. Auron amused himself with the doll, his misadventure in the water forgotten.

Wakka whistled. "Man, I thought we had it bad."

Tidus shook his head. The sight of a naked Rikku was something he had never wanted to see; seeing a naked, six-year old Rikku seemed much more perverted. "Someone should help Yuna. Lulu, why don't you go and help?"

The mage rolled her eyes, but followed Yuna's wet footprints. The men exchanged shrugs and arranged themselves on the couches provided by the Agency. Auron escaped Cid's grip and seated himself on the floor, contorting the doll into unnatural positions and mouthing on an ear.

A half hour later Yuna, Lulu, Kimahri, and Rikku joined the group, Rikku still giggling. Yuna collapsed on the closest resting spot which happened, intentionally or not, to be Tidus's lap. Lulu joined Wakka on the couch, and Kimahri stood guard by the doorway. Auron ignored the Al Bhed girl as she plopped next to him, but protested when she tugged at one end of the doll.

"Mwine!"

"I wanna play, too," Rikku said, pulling once more.

"No! Mwine!" Auron yanked his way. Incensed, Rikku pulled harder.

The doll disappeared from their hands. They looked upward, to where Lulu stood with the moogle. "If the two of you can't share, then you can't play with this."

Rikku looked properly contrite. Auron simply looked ready to cry again.

"Wan'!" Auron demanded, arms lifted.

"Play nicely," Lulu told him firmly.

"Wan'!"

As the war waged on between the three, the others watched with exhausted bemusement. "Who knew Auron was such a crybaby?" Tidus remarked.

"He's only three," Yuna admonished. "Let him be a child. Father said he entered training at a very young age, too young to thoroughly enjoy childhood."

"Warrior monks usually start trainin' at about nine," Cid answered Tidus's unspoken question. "And it's a good thing Braska got Auron out of there; who knows what kind of loony the man would've turned int— huh?"

Auron began to do something very eerie. He turned to stare at Cid oddly, eyes strangely focused. The child rose to his feet and tottered deliberately to Cid, gripping the Al Bhed's pant leg with two tiny fists. The boy glared upward with eyes reminiscent of his former self and lisped in a harsh voice, "Where Bwaska? Nee' fin' Bwaska!"

Everyone stared. Even Rikku gaped, having never seen a three-year old act in such a way.

Auron continued to huff at Cid, determined to learn Braska's whereabouts. As abruptly as the behavior started, it stopped.

Auron became unfocused and oblivious to the larger cares in the world, wandering off to the bay window. Still stunned, no one realized Auron was finding himself into some very appealing trouble. All except for Rikku, who joined him on the cushions.

"Thiny," Auron mumbled, reaching up for a crystal bob attached to a cord. He grabbed the sparkling bob, and sat. His weight pulled the cord taut.

"You can't have that," Rikku told him in a very sisterly fashion. "It belongs to Rin." She took the bob out of his hand and let it go.

The taut cord whipped upward, allowing the tarp hanging over Cid, Tidus, Yuna, Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri to loosen, fall, and tent them. Rikku and Auron watched as they struggled underneath, Auron curious and Rikku slightly anxious.

"We should probably go," Rikku whispered. "Let's find someplace fun to play."

"Pway," Auron clapped his hands. "Pway fun."

Without further ado the duo left, Rikku in the lead and Auron following dutifully.

* * *

Barely a day and the children are already wreaking havoc. This doesn't bode well for our party. 


	4. SpeculaBad Rikku and Auron!

I almost separated this into two chapters, but then they would have been itsby bitsy. So, I combined them to create a stronger fighting force!---or at least a longer chapter.

Chapter 4. Enjoy._

* * *

_

_Chapter 4: Specula--Bad Rikku and Auron! No Dolls For You!_

Tidus was _never_ going to have children.

They whined. They ate constantly. They whined. They expressed curiosity for _everything_. They whined. They never listened to adults, most specifically him.

Did he mention that they whined?

Deciding they had imposed on Rin enough, the party and Cid chose to take the airship to Bikanel. There, they would think on a plan of action while keeping an eye on Rikku and Auron.

They had set up a rotation of babysitters before boarding the airship. Wakka and Lulu had babysitting duty at the moment, and in another twenty minutes Tidus and Yuna were to take over, followed by Cid and Kimahri.

Tidus fretted about his turn at babysitting. Rikku and Auron were quite a handful. The bathing and living room incidents at Rin's Agency were proof enough of that.

At least Yuna would be there to ease the burden.

The blitzer wandered to a window and watched the scenery below him. Somewhere down there, someone had a grudge against them. They needed to find that person and change Auron and Rikku back, soon, before something horrible happened.

Like losing all his sanity.

Doors slid open, and the first pair of babysitters straggled in with Rikku and Auron. "Here," Wakka said to Tidus tiredly, dumping Auron into his arms. "It's your turn."

"Yuna said she'd be here soon," Lulu informed him dully, letting go of Rikku's hand. "Until then, keep a close eye on them both."

"And when we say 'close eye,' we mean never take your eyes off them for even a millisecond, ya," Wakka shuddered. "Don't blink, don't turn your head away, and whatever you do, don't play Hide and Seek. You'll never find them until you forfeit. . . . _maybe_."

"We rigged up a diaper for Auron," Lulu added. "He'll tell you quite clearly when it needs changing. I left the spares with Yuna. She'll show you how to change it."

"Have fun!" Wakka called over his shoulder as they left. "We'll be in our rooms recuperating."

"Don't bother us," Lulu finished as the doors slid shut behind them.

Tidus stared down at Rikku and Auron. The two children gazed up at him, Rikku clinging to his shorts with one hand and Auron toying with the mesh on his left arm. "Well, how about we go look for Yuna, huh?" he said, leading them out of the cockpit.

Rikku followed obediently, and Auron seemed content to be carried without struggling. Winding through the halls, Tidus literally bumped into Yuna in front of the cargo hold.

"Oh, is it our turn already?" Yuna sighed, shifting a bag to her shoulder before taking Rikku's hand. "Lulu seemed pretty exhausted when she came by with Auron's diapers."

"Yeah, Wakka didn't seem too energetic either," Tidus nodded. "Well, what should we do with these two?"

"Can we go up to the deck?" Rikku asked, pulling at Yuna's sleeve. "I wanna see the clouds!"

"Go vwoom," Auron chirruped, blinking at Tidus. The blitzer wasn't entirely certain what the boy meant by 'vwoom' but it didn't sound terribly horrific.

"We're agreed?" Tidus looked to Yuna, receiving her nod. "Alright, let's go to the deck!"

Six minutes later, Tidus discovered that Lulu and Wakka had refused to allow the two access to the deck during their watch and, more importantly, the reason behind the refusal.

"Rikku, get away from the edge before you fall!" Yuna shouted at the Al Bhed girl over the wind.

"Auron, you're not a Zu, you can't fly!" Tidus tried to inform the boy, struggling to keep the squirming bundle in his arms.

"Wow! The ship's giganormous!" Rikku exclaimed, leaning over the rail-less side to examine the airship.

"Wan' go vwoom! Fwy!" Auron cried, waving his arms like an absurd bird and kicking Tidus in the belly.

Yuna and Tidus exchanged glances. Tidus handed Auron to Yuna and swiftly nabbed Rikku around the waist, ignoring her shouts. Auron settled under the Summoner's grip, but still expressed the desire to go 'vwoom.'

"No more fun on the deck for you two," Tidus told them both, still holding Rikku against his hip as they descended to the cargo hold.

"Wan' vwoom!" Auron shouted. Then a thoughtful expression overcame his face, and he said, "Me hungwy, Yunie," while tugging at her sleeve.

"Yeah, me too!" Rikku chimed from Tidus's waist.

"_Is_ there a kitchen on the airship?" Yuna asked Tidus under her breath; she didn't want to upset the children.

"I hope so," Tidus looked horrified at the thought of a nonexistent kitchen. "I'm starved."

Yuna giggled at his facial expression. "Well, let's go look for some food."

It took them two trips around the airship to find the kitchen. By then Auron was sniffling and wailing for cookies, while Rikku dug into Tidus' pockets for 'hidden treasure.' Everything came to a head when Rikku discovered a poison fang in Tidus' back pocket and attempted to feed it to Auron. The next ten minutes were spent scolding Rikku, curing Auron of poison, and assuring the children that green spots did not mean Auron was turning into a froggy.

After messy peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, bananas, and cookies were consumed, Yuna and Tidus attempted to sit the children down to watch the sphere-viewer. However, Rikku was all-too familiar with the device and all 297 shows that aired, and Auron could never stay still long enough to let the sphere-viewer obtain his attention.

So instead, Tidus and Yuna took them to the cargo hold and let them loose to entertain themselves. Which consisted of much name-calling, running, pushing, and one breath-snatching incident where Auron became trapped in a crate by Rikku and Rikku herself had snarled her skirt on one of the support structures of the airship.

"Can we do this to Kimahri and Cid?" Yuna whispered to Tidus as they guided the children off to their next babysitters, Auron in Yuna's arms and Rikku trotting beside the blitzer. "I mean, they're such a handful. . . I feel almost guilty."

"Yuna, Cid's already raised Rikku once, he knows the tricks," Tidus reassured Yuna, making certain that the aforementioned Al Bhed princess was still at his side. "And Kimahri is a proven warrior from Mount Gagazet. Auron will be a piece of cake after that."

"I guess so, but," Yuna hesitated, biting her lip.

"Do you _want_ another five hours with them?" Tidus lowered his voice so only she could possibly hear.

In response, Yuna quickened her pace to the bridge.

* * *

Kimahri watched as the two children slept, Auron drooling and Rikku mumbling about sphere hunters. 

They seemed much different than the Auron and Rikku Kimahri knew. He was aware that humans went through a continual maturation cycle, never quite reaching the maturity of adults until a certain age. He had, after all, essentially raised Yuna from the time she was seven. But it had never quite hit home that Rikku was a lot more mature than the child everyone assumed she acted as, or that Auron had, in fact, been a carefree child at one point in his life.

"Strange, ain't it?" Cid's gruff voice broke Kimahri's thoughts. The Ronso tilted his head to peer down at the man. "Seein' them this young. I never thought I'd get to see Rikku as a six-year old again, considering most people only go through childhood once in their lives. And I never thought Auron would be such an active little tyke."

"Is strange," Kimahri nodded. "But must be fixed. Auron and Rikku no able to stay children forever."

Cid frowned. "You know, that's exactly what's bothering me. I don't know if they're entirely children. Something is still lingering in their heads that they're adults."

"Auron ask about Braska?" Kimahri put in.

"And Rikku's been asking me about these places that she's 'never been to.' I'm willin' to bet this airship that she's remembering stuff from the pilgrimage."

"Might be dangerous," Kimahri intoned. "Rikku remember Sin. Auron remember death. No can stop Auron crying."

Cid flinched. "We'll just have to reverse the spell before it comes to that. Ain't no way I'm havin' Auron flood my ship."

Rikku stirred, blinking her eyes tiredly. "Tytto? Yna oui drana?" (_Are you there?_)

"E's rana," Cid soothed. "Ku pylg du cmaab." (_I'm here. Go back to sleep_.)

Rikku looked over at the sleeping Auron, seemingly unimpressed by the drool running down his chin. "Lyh fa dyga Auron Home? Du Bikanel?" (_Can we take Auron Home? To Bikanel?_)

"Auron yeh'd y tuk. Pacetac, ra fuh'd mega ed eh dra tacand. Ed femm pa duu rud vun res." (_Auron ain't a dog. Besides, he won't like it in the desert. It will be too hot for him._)

"Please, tytto?" Rikku sat up, eyes growing wide into her puppy-dog look. "Auron's fun to play with. A lot more fun than _Brother_ is."

Cid winced. He had never gotten around to informing Rikku (or Brother) that things had changed. With Auron to distract her, Rikku would delay in inquiring to the whereabouts of her 'younger' (and irksome) brother. "We'll see, princess. For now, go back to sleep."

Rikku frowned, faced toward the young toddler. "Tytto, does Auron have a tytto too?"

Cid and Kimahri blinked. "I. . . I suppose so, princess," Cid stammered. "Why?"

"Is he a meanie?" Rikku blinked. "'Cause, 'cause I had a dream, and a big meanie-head was being mean to me, and he looked like Auron, but I don't want Auron to go away if he's a meanie-head."

Kimahri stiffened. Cid took this as a indication of another memory. "I'm sure Auron's tytto wasn't mean, Rikku. Now, go to sleep. We'll arrive at Bikanel tomorrow."

* * *

"They are recalling their past?" Lulu frowned in thought as Cid and Kimahri finished retelling the latest event. "It may be that, at some point, they will retrieve their memories." 

"That's good, ya?" Wakka asked hopefully. "Auron will remember how to use the toilet by himself?"

"And Rikku will know not to feed poison fangs to people?" Tidus jumped in ecstatically.

"Having their memories return while they are still children is not necessarily a good thing," Yuna said slowly, dredging up lessons in magic from years previous. "Their emotional and mental maturity are still those of young children. They wouldn't handle the memories very well."

"What do you mean?" Wakka cried, hope deflated. "They're tough, they can handle it!"

"They are tough, when they're _adults_!" Cid growled. "The oldest one is six, for crying out loud! She can't even handle the dark yet!"

"And what will happen when they face something worse?" Lulu asked acerbically. "They will panic and be inconsolable."

Tidus and Wakka hung their heads, defeated. Yuna wrung her hands, and inquired, "How do we stop them from recalling too much? Should we focus on childish activities, not make any mention of the pilgrimage or anything of their older life?"

"Good idea," Kimahri agreed. "Less chance of remembering."

"Hey," Wakka's head had risen, and he now frowned at something behind the group. "What was that?"

Everyone turned. A window offered an extraordinary view of one thing: clouds.

"You Yevonites are all crazy," Cid muttered.

"No, something went past the window!" Wakka pressed his face to the glass. "It kinda looked like. . . I dunno, one of Yuna's staffs."

"Why would Yuna's staff be out. . . side?" Tidus' jaw dropped as something fell past the window. A cactuar, if he wasn't mistaken.

"That was my doll!" Lulu gasped.

Steadily a rain of items fell, mainly Lulu's dolls, Wakka's blitzballs, and nuts and bolts from the ship. Coming to a conclusion as one, the adults ran to the deck. They paused for a moment in the hallways, but chose to ignore the dripping paintings of nameless fiends and (oddly enough) of blue figures that looked an awful lot like Wakka being sat on by a shoopuf..

* * *

"Aren' we gonna get indo dwouble?" Auron asked Rikku as he helped her topple a long stick-thing over the side. 

"Nah, we're conducting scientific s'periments!" Rikku exclaimed proudly. "Tytto told me to always let my curiosity out."

Auron thought. If a grown-up such as Rikku's daddy said it was okay, then they wouldn't get into trouble. Besides, Rikku was smart, for a girl. She'd taught him how to finger-paint walls before they saw a birdie fly past a window.

Now they were up on the deck, trying to see what else floated like the birdie. So far, nothing had flown like a birdie, but they did fall really really fast.

"Hmm, what's this?" Rikku examined a sphere. "I think Tytto calls these a Fortune Sphere. Maybe it'll give us luck and fly!"

She hurled it over the edge, and they peered over.

Nope. It just fell.

Shrugging, the two went back to tossing all the stuff they'd dragged up to the deck over the side.

"Rikku!" an angry voice sounded from the elevator. "Auron! Stop throwing things right now!"

"Uh oh," Auron blinked. "They sthound weally mad."

"Uhhh," Rikku looked about wildly. "Quick, hide over there!"

They scrambled to a dark corner hidden from the elevator's view. The remaining items they had scavenged slowly fell victim to air resistance and gravity, sliding across the deck and into the air.

The adults rushed out onto the deck, several of them exclaiming as they watched their possessions disappear. Sneaking a look, Rikku saw the elevator empty.

"Come on, while they're not looking!" Rikku tugged at Auron's sleeve, and they darted into the elevator. With a grunt of effort, Rikku lifted Auron and he slammed a tiny palm on the button labeled 'Down.'

"Hey! They're going down, ya!"

"Rikku, you stay right there or else I'm gonna—" But what Cid was going to do to Rikku she did not know as the doors closed and the elevator descended.

"Are we in dwouble, Rikku?" Auron asked, eyes wide.

"Nah," Rikku said nervously. "We're just. . . we're just playing Hide and Seek is all."

Auron blinked, then piped, "Okay."

* * *

It took Cid, Tidus, and Yuna three hours to find Rikku. The Al Bhed girl had crammed herself in a maintenance shaft, and it was only because she was losing feeling in her legs that she surrendered to her father. 

Kimahri, Wakka, and Lulu could not find Auron, even with Kimahri's superior nose and several Scans of the airship. The boy had taken Rikku's declaration of a game of Hide and Seek to heart.

"Rikku, where is Auron?" Yuna asked for the twentieth time, slightly exasperated.

"Not telling! You're just gonna be mad at us and spank us!" Rikku folded her arms stubbornly.

The idea of spanking Auron held no appeal for Tidus. It was another suggestion to bury in the 'Repress and Forget' folder that was steadily growing thicker by the hour. "Rikku, we're not going to spank you or Auron. We just want to know he's safe is all."

"Hmph!" Rikku made a show of sealing her lips and throwing away a key.

"Rikku, if you don't start talking I'm gonna give all the fun assignments to Brother!" Cid threatened. Rikku, while she did look horrified at the prospect, said not a word.

"Rikku," Lulu knelt beside the girl. "You think of Auron as a little brother, don't you?" The girl nodded energetically. "Well, what if Auron is hurt? He could be alone for hours, crying, and by not telling us you could be hurting him more."

Eyes widening, Rikku stammered, "But he's not hurt, I know it! He can't get hurt where he is!"

"And where is that?" Yuna tried her sweet voice, the one that usually had sycophants liquefying into quivering masses of delighted goo.

The sweetness affected Rikku hardly at all. "In a safe place."

Everyone sighed. "Rikku, fun and games are over," Cid loomed over his daughter. "We need to know where Auron is now. Where is he?"

Rikku bit her lip. Her tytto seemed very upset. Maybe she ought to tell them. "You're not gonna be mad at us?"

"No, we're not, Rikku," Yuna crossed her heart. "Promise."

Well, since she promised. . . "The fourth level, in a tool niche."

Tidus, Wakka, and Kimahri sprinted to the tool niche. When they came within five feet, they heard sniffling. Tidus swung the niche open with a flourish, then peered inside. Four feet down in the dark sat Auron, a miserable little ball of fearful child.

"Auron!" Tidus reached inside, balancing on his stomach. Wakka and Kimahri grabbed his legs to keep him anchored, and the blitzer reached for Auron.

The little boy looked up and recoiled, crying, "No spanky!"

Shaking his head, Tidus assured the boy, "We're not going to spank you, Auron. Just come on out."

Auron considered, then decided he didn't much like Hide and Seek anymore. He stood and reached, and Tidus grabbed his hands. It took all the self-control Tidus had not to grimace at the wet, slimy feel of tears and paint on Auron's tiny hands.

"There we go!" Tidus hefted Auron into his arms, smiling brightly. "See, no spanky—er, spankings." Tidus did note, however, that Auron would need a bath. Dust, oil, paint, and cobwebs dirtied the little boy beyond indecency.

_Let's just keep that as a little surprise for Auron_, Tidus thought to himself.

"Hey, we're gonna need to get you in a bath, ya?" Wakka said. "You're all grimy."

Kimahri hit Wakka over the head for Tidus as Auron began struggling and shrieking, "NO BATH!"

* * *

An hour after Yuna had calmed Auron down and the boy was sponged to cleanliness everyone had grouped together in the cargo, telling Rikku and Auron very firmly that the airship's walls were not canvases to be painted upon and nothing was to be dropped from the deck without expressed permission. _Especially_ Lulu's dolls. 

They arrived at Bikanel Island shortly thereafter, landing in the newly-restored Home. Rikku jumped and strained to play in the sand, but only after the airship properly docked did Tidus and Yuna allow her and Auron to investigate the desert.

Rikku enjoyed the desert thoroughly. She dug tunnels through the sand, pretended to be a sand lizard that slunk across the dunes, and made sand angels.

Auron reluctantly tried playing in the sands, but wailed and trundled back to Tidus's side when he discovered grit was all-too-uncomfortable in his shorts. No amount of encouragement from any of the adults convinced Auron to go back to the desert.

Rikku tried her hand at dragging Auron into play. "Come on, Auron! It's lots of fun! See, we can make sand castles and angels and all sorts of cool things!"

"No," Auron hugged himself tighter to Tidus's leg.

"We can make sand tunnels!" Rikku added, enticing.

"No!" Auron cried, tears welling in his eyes.

Placing her hands on her hips, Rikku stuck her tongue out and snapped, "Big meanie!"

The tears faded. Auron frowned and snarled, "You, 'way!"

The adults paused. Tidus wondered if the others thought the same as he, that Auron and Rikku sounded an awful lot like their older selves. . . .

"Oookay, you asked for it!" Rikku cracked her knuckles. To the adults' shock she grabbed Auron's arm and began pulling, grunting with the effort.

Auron snatched Tidus's pant leg, yelling, "Wet go! Sthop acting wike a bwat!"

"You're the one acting like a brat, Auron!" Rikku retorted, keeping up her effort.

"Wet go!"

"No!"

"_Wet go!_"

"_No!_"

"WET GO!"

"NO!"

"Both of you stop it!" Tidus cried; his pants were going to tear if Auron didn't let go.

Eventually the superior strength won out, and Auron's grip failed. Rikku's pulling force slammed him into her, and they toppled to the sand with twin wails.

"Hey, you alright there princess?" Cid came to kneel beside Rikku as Yuna did the same for Auron.

The boy turned to glare at Rikku, seemed to rethink his decision, and came to an entirely different choice: he howled his tears. Rikku followed suit a moment later.

"Whoa, what's the matter, ya?" Wakka tried to distract Auron. "You're okay, right?"

"She– she– was– mean to me!" Auron gasped, his tears not stopping.

"He was– he was mean to me_ first_!" Rikku sniffled to her father.

The adults sighed. Lulu asked Cid, "Are all children like this?"

"Only under three circumstances," Cid replied seriously. "When they're upset or when they want something."

"Spectacular," Lulu slumped her shoulders.

"You said three," Tidus pointed out. "What's the third one?"

"The third," Cid finished dramatically, "is for no discernible reason at all."

* * *

Sooooo...from here on out,CCP updates are going to be a bit more distanced. I would like to put up 1 chapter a day for all you wonderful readers to enjoy, but sadly my perfectionism refuses to allow me to do so. As soon as I get chpt. 5 fully written andto my liking, I'll post it, promise! 


	5. Home and Oopsies!

After a long delay...the 5th chapter to _Crash Course Parenting_! 'chirpchirpchirp' GASP! Have I lost all my readers? Probably not, but there is one noteworthy reader who deserves some recognition, and not just because they read/review _CCP_, but also my other works.

This chapter is dedicated to you, Kitsu. Hope this was worth the wait.

The update came a little earlier than what I stated in my profile, but since I just had 3 days straight of testing and I have a presentation tomorrow, I decided I deserved a reward. So...I ditched all my homework for this. Yay for bad prioritizing!

Chapter 5, ready for your reading pleasure._

* * *

_

_Chapter 5: Home and . . . Oopsies_

"Shinra's the smartest Al Bhed at Home," Cid explained to Yuna and her guardians as they made their way through Home. Auron and Rikku had been left in a room Cid guaranteed secure, with toys and snacks abounding. The adults were now in search of a cure to Auron and Rikku's dilemma, and Cid suggested that the first place to go was the resident genius of Home.

"Give him a problem, he'll have it solved or give himself an aneurysm before the end of the day."

"So, he'll help us?" Wakka asked as they hurried along.

"He will, or I'll toss him off the airship from a thousand feet," Cid growled, steering them into a room.

Computers completely lined the walls, papers with calculations and scribbling littered several tables, and a bubbling chemistry lab was set off to the side on a counter.

"Cid, what brings you to my humble abode?" a young voice asked.

Everyone turned to the far back reaches of the room, where someone dressed in what appeared to be a diving suit sat. When the figure hopped down, they were surprised to see the figure stood barely taller than Wakka's hip.

"This is their genius?" Wakka whispered to Lulu. "Most other people call 'em kids."

"Shinra, we need you to find a cure for Rikku," Cid said bluntly. As an afterthought, he added, "And Auron."

Shinra cocked his head. "Auron? The Legendary Guardian Auron? And your daughter? Well, isn't that just an interesting predicament. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well," Yuna stepped forward, "they were turned into children a few days ago."

"Turned into children? Hm, that is very curious." Shinra glanced past their group. "As there is no ruckus, I'm assuming the children are elsewhere?"

"In a playroom," Cid confirmed.

"Let's go, then," Shinra strode forward, picking up two sterile needles. "If I'm to make any sort of diagnosis, I'll need a blood sample."

"Blood sample?" Tidus gulped. "Glad I'm not them right now."

* * *

"I don't like needles!" Rikku sobbed as Cid placed her on a table close to Shinra's height.

"Now now, princess, don't you worry about a thing," Cid cooed, his tough exterior melting away into fatherhood. "It won't hurt a tiny bit."

"Actually," Shinra started, "the needle's puncture will be very notice—"

"It won't hurt," Lulu stated, glaring dangerously at Shinra. The Al Bhed boy decided not to push his luck and continue with preparing the needle.

Rikku eyed the equipment through watery eyes. "Do I get a sucker after this?" she asked her father.

"You get all the suckers you want, Rikku," Cid assured her, squeezing a hand.

"Alright, blood sample number one," Shinra declared, sliding the needle under Rikku's dermis.

When Tidus left to retrieve Auron from Kimahri and Wakka, the blitzer was certain his eardrums were at least popped, if not bleeding.

"Okay, Auron," Shinra said loudly to compensate for his hearing loss, "hop onto the table and we'll get you squared away."

Tidus plopped the boy onto the table, and Auron looked at Shinra with wide, curious eyes. "You wook funny," he said.

"My, aren't you just complimentary," Shinra prepared his needle. "Yuna, maybe we should try and give him a sucker _before_ we take a sample. Just to see if it makes any difference."

Shrugging, Yuna proffered a sucker. Eyes brightening, Auron took it eagerly and began slurping at the sugar.

"Okay, Auron, I'll try not to make this hurt."

To the adults' amazement, Auron watched the needle pierce his skin, waited, and watched it slide out again with nary a yowl. The boy tilted his head, sucker firmly planted in his mouth.

"Maybe we ought to give him a sucker whenever it's You-Know-What time," Tidus whispered under his breath to Yuna as Shinra bustled about with his newly-procured sample.

"That would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?" she replied as saliva dribbled down Auron's chin.

* * *

While the grown-ups were talking to the Bad Man with the Needle, Rikku peered critically at the battle laid out before her. With one eye squinted shut, she maneuvered the cannon further to the right.

"Ready," she whispered to her troops. "Aim . . . FIRE!"

The miniature cannon ball shot in an arc upon little figurines she had dubbed, "Evil Maester-Men of Yevon." The round piece of lead struck one particular figure that had horn-like blue hair, leaving an impressive indent on his chest. With a wide grin, Rikku moved her Al Bhed troops to an area she declared, "The Party Room of the Bestest Peoples of Spira." For the dead of the bad guys she had a huge sandworm descend upon them and "swallow" the armies. In reality, all she did was kick the figurines clear while she made roaring noises that did not sound at all like the ferocious sandworms of the Bikanel Desert.

Rikku frowned down at her play scene, hands on her hips and lips pursed in dissatisfaction. After a half hour of battling the Evil Maester-Men of Yevon she was bored. She wanted someone to play with, but most definitely not her Brother! She wished Auron was around; it was fun to show him around and teach him the important stuff of the world. But Auron was off taking a nap, because little kids needed naps, and she was too old for such things.

The girl wandered to the sleeping boy, glaring down with her hands on her hips. Maybe, if she stared long enough, Auron would wake up and then they could go on some more adventures!

Ten more minutes passed, leaving Rikku agitated and no closer to having adventures. Just as she was about to poke Auron with one of her toys the sitter came over, making _tsk tsk_ noises and leading Rikku away from the boy. "Now, Rikku, you should leave Auron alone. He needs his nappy time."

"But I'm _boooored_," Rikku fidgeted anxiously. "I want to play with Auron!"

"You'll have to wait until he wakes up on his own, now, dearie," the sitter patted Rikku on the head and went on her way to a comfy chair.

Rikku frowned and stomped her foot in dislike, looking around. With a disgruntled huff Rikku laid down on her tummy and kicked her feet, watching Auron sulkily. As she continued to gaze, her eyes were attracted by the bright sun-decorated sheets. Slowly, devilishly, Rikku came up with an idea.

When Auron trundled over twenty minutes later Rikku was dragging out spare sheets from the closet. The boy tilted his head, asking, "Whatcha doing, Rikku?"

She spun around, clapping her hands together when she found him at her side. "Yay! You're awake! You took for_eeee_ver with your nap! C'mon, I've got an idea for an adventure!"

"An aventuwe?" Auron gasped, jumping up and down in glee.

"Yeah! We're gonna go _parachuting_!"

* * *

Tidus smiled at Yuna, sipping from his iced tea on a patio reserved for diners. "Isn't this great?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. "Calm and quiet. No worries about Auron and Rikku running around under our feet."

"I don't know," Yuna said hesitantly, drinking from her own tea. "We should be keeping an eye on them ourselves. They _are_ our responsibility."

"Yuna, we're too young to be worrying about kids," Tidus argued. "I mean, we're nowhere near being ready for marriage and stuff like that--" As Yuna furrowed her brows Tidus realized what he had said and backtracked nervously, "Not that we're not ready for the next step, y'know, l-like dating stuff . . . N-not that we're not doing that already, but I mean for the bigger dates like expensive dinners and, and, walks on the beach and, er, well really expensive dinners--"

As Tidus dug himself deeper into a hole that would earn him several nights on a flea-ridden couch, there was an eerie sound that fell upon the diners. The multiple pitches were both high, and coincided with a large shadow that overcame the patio. Looking up, Tidus and Yuna stared open-mouthed at the huge winged monster descending upon them.

_A huge, winged monster with . . . shoopuf and chocobo patterns on its wings?_

Tidus blinked, watching as the shape became more distinct. A strangled screech lodged in his throat as he recognized Rikku's blonde locks and Auron's brown ponytail.

"That's Auron and Rikku!" Yuna gasped beside him.

The two children glided into the buffet table, breaking it in half and causing the plates of sandwiches, fruits, juices and other beverages, cakes, and pastries to fall upon them. Horrified, Tidus and Yuna launched at the table, clearing away the debris as fast as they could.

The sheets were stained, but that was nothing compared to the mess Rikku and Auron were. Covered head-to-toe in cake and sandwich fillers and drenched with juice, they looked like twin smorgasbord mountains.

"Uh," Rikku chuckled faintly, an apologetic smile on her face. "Oopsies."

Auron blinked up at Tidus and Yuna, lips turned downward in an adorable (if wholly unfortunate) pout. "I don't wike pawaduting."

* * *

After cleaning up the children and healing a few of the bruises and cuts they had garnered from their attempt at parachuting, the adults went to the sitter to see how she could have let them out with sheets to attempt an asinine version of parachuting. To their rage they found her asleep in a chair, unaware of her charges' disappearance. Cid yelled rather furiously in Al Bhed while Lulu and Kimahri glared on intimidatingly. Combined, the force made the sitter rush out in tears. Entirely unremorseful, Cid appointed another sitter (one who knew better than to sleep on the job) and told the children in no uncertain terms that they were to never parachute again.

Finding her resolve, Yuna chose to confront Shinra to see if he had any luck with the blood samples. Auron and Rikku were a danger to themselves in this condition, and it needed to be remedied as soon as possible.

"I haven't discovered the exact spell used to change them into children," Shinra admitted to the anxious adults gathered around him. "To do that, you'd have to find the person who cast the spell and make them spit it out."

"But you said you had some good news, ya?" Wakka pointed out. "That can't be it."

"While I don't know what the spell is, I do know a particular ingredient used in the spell," Shinra tapped two keys on the computer and an image appeared of a flower. "Moonlilies, concentrated around the Moonflow area and Guadosalam. The petals of the flower were used in the spell, and showed up in Auron's and Rikku's bloodstream."

"Found in the Moonflow and Guadosalam, eh?" Cid frowned. "That means the Guado did it! They targeted my Rikku!"

"We should head back to Guadosalam and find the person who did this," Lulu interrupted Cid's rant. "Preferably before Auron or Rikku recall any more memories."

"Let's pick them up and head out on the airship then," Tidus exclaimed. "The sooner this is over, the sooner I can start repressing."

An intercom cackled to life just as they were leaving. "Cid? Fa yna bnabynat du myihlr dra dacd Vmoanc. Cruimt fa ku yrayt fedruid oui?" (_We are prepared to launch the test Flyers. Should we go ahead without you?_)

Cid considered, then said, "Oac, ku yrayt. Ehvuns sa uv yho secrybc." (_Yes, go ahead. Inform me of any mishaps._)

"Oac cen." (_Yes sir._) The intercom shut off.

"What was that about?" Yuna asked her uncle.

"We've developed some new technology that allows us to build smaller aircraft," Cid replied as they walked down the hall. "You may not have noticed, but building airships takes some technology, and in order to get technology we need to go to excavation sites. These Flyers will let us travel individually to the sites, rather than using the airship as a bus transport."

"Convenient," Tidus remarked.

"Yep!" Cid nodded with satisfaction. "It'll be our pride and joy when we get them in perfect working condition. Aside from the airship, of course."

"You mean to say they don't work right?" Wakka asked, alarmed.

"Course it don't," Cid growled. "That's why it's called a test-run. We don't use real pilots, just drones that don't feel a thing if the Flyer goes out of control."

Tidus gulped. "Man, I wouldn't want to be the unlucky guy that rides a malfunctioning Flyer. Guess it's a good thing no one around here is that naive."

* * *

"Oooh, those look neat!" Rikku exclaimed as she and Auron watched older Al Bhed men prepare a craft that looked like a metallic Zu.

"What isth it?" Auron asked with wide eyes. He had never seen things like those back home.

"I don't know," Rikku shrugged. "Let's go see!"

Auron followed the older girl as she led the way down winding staircases and catwalks. Eventually they stood on ground level, staring in awe at the enormous machina.

"Woow," Auron blinked. "It's biiig."

"C'mon," Rikku tugged his hand. "Let's take a look inside."

They clambered with difficulty onto the wing and tottered to the cockpit. The two examined the multitude of gauges and levers, feeling the smooth black leather of the single seat in the machina.

Giggling, Rikku slid onto the seat and grabbed a lever. "I'm a pilot!"

"I wanna be a piwot too!" Auron pouted.

"Alright, but no pushing anything," Rikku allowed Auron to slide in beside her. "You never know what's a missile and what's the seatbelts."

The two played for some time, guessing what each of the shiny buttons did and what the numbers meant.

In the control tower a few yards away, an Al Bhed checked the screen in front of him. The screen relayed the pressure on the seat of a Flyer, and found the pressure to be regulation standard. The drone had been put in place.

"Myihlrehk Vmoan 1, tacdehydeuh: Moonflow." (_Launching Flyer 1, destination: Moonflow_)

Auron and Rikku squealed as the glass cover slid into place, and the engine ignited. "What did you do!" Rikku demanded.

"I didn' do nothing," Auron cried, tears flowing. "Make it sthop!"

Before Rikku had a chance to reassure the boy, the Flyer shot into the air and headed for the Moonflow, clanking noisily and rocking dangerously as they screamed.

* * *

GASP! Cliffhanger! Also known as the spot where an author conveniently stops writing before the resolution is written. Haha. You'll just have to wait til I update again, which will be (hopefully) sometime before the 17th of February, as that is when I will lose reliable access to the Internet for the weekend. If not, then take heart in the knowledge that I will be writing muchos.


	6. Frantic Search

Eek! A shorty chapter! Sorry; I'm going to make the next chapter longer. I've got homework piling up, my birthday looming closer, and to top it all off I'm succumbing to some virus. Yippee. But, see, see? Before the 17th, like I promised. Now you'll have to wait til next week for more, cause I'm mean that way. 'runs away'

_

* * *

_

_Chapter 6: Frantic Search_

"_What do you mean they're gone!_"

The new Al Bhed charged with babysitting Rikku and Auron (and keeping quiet about it) stammered, "They were sitting on the floor one minute and gone the next. I've been looking everywhere, but I can't find them."

"They make enough noise to rouse the Farplane!" Cid roared, pulling out nonexistent hair from his head. He wandered around, tipping over buckets and anything large enough to hide two bodies, as if they were simply playing a really convincing game of Hide and Seek with the sitter. "How could you _not_ have noticed them missing!"

"Enough!" Kimahri bellowed. Everyone turned to the Ronso, wide-eyed and still. "Shouting at woman not help find Auron and Rikku," Kimahri said sagely. "Find them with Kimahri's nose, with Al Bhed's cameras," he pointed to the machina attached to the walls, constantly spanning the halls.

"Kimahri is right," Lulu joined, her quiet voice loud in the silence Kimahri instilled. "Please, stay here in case the children come back," she told the babysitter. "Wakka, Yuna, go with Kimahri and see if you can find them with their scents. Tidus, Cid, and I will go to the maintenance and track their movements by the cameras."

Everyone split up, and the search began. Kimahri's nose led Yuna and Wakka to the hangar where the Flyers 4 and 5 awaited take-off. Cid, Tidus, and Lulu rushed into the control tower above them, breathing heavily.

"We tracked them to the hangar," Cid told the three over the intercom. "Start looking around here. They can't have gone far."

Yuna and Wakka began searching through the crates and niches, yelling out the children's names and earning some strange looks from the Al Bhed crew. Kimahri, however, strode purposefully to a spot in the center of the runway and paused. He sniffed twice, then asked an Al Bhed crewman suspiciously watching everything, "What here some time ago?"

The Al Bhed blinked, then hiked a thumb toward the incoming Flyer. "We launch the Flyers down the runway. We've already sent out 1 through 3."

"Yo," Wakka approached Kimahri, laughing nervously, "Kimahri, you don't think they were on a Flyer, ya?"

Kimahri blinked, then growled uncertainly. Wakka stared, then hung his head. "Oh, man. This is _not_ good."

* * *

"How could they have launched one of the Flyers without noticing them?" Tidus raged on the airship, which flew at top-speed for the Moonflow. "They're two kids, they don't belong in a hangar, much less a questionable aircraft!" 

"We use pressure sensors built into the seats to determine if our drones are seated," Cid answered, face in his hands; he didn't remember Rikku being this much trouble, it must be Auron's influence. That was it, it was all Auron's fault. He tried not to remember that Auron was three years younger than Rikku currently. "Combined, Rikku and Auron's weight must have been enough to pass the standard drone weight."

"It hasn't crashed yet," Yuna said, anxiously wringing her hands together. "Doesn't that mean the Flyer could have landed without a hitch?"

"Or it's still in the air," Lulu said bitterly, "ready to fall at any moment."

"Don't talk like that!" Tidus yelled. "Auron and Rikku aren't going to die! I won't let it!"

"How will you stop it?" Lulu shouted back. "You don't even know where they are!"

"At least I'm not some pessimistic downer just waiting for them to die!" Tidus accused.

"Hey, hey, stop it!" Wakka leapt to his feet when Lulu summoned a ball of fire to her hand. "None of this yelling is gonna find them for us. Lu, put that fire out. Tidus, get a grip, ya."

Tidus dropped his glare. "Sorry Lulu. I shouldn't have lost my temper."

Lulu sighed. "And I shouldn't have lost mine. Damn hormones—" Her hand slapped to her mouth, three seconds too late.

"Lulu," Yuna said cautiously, "is there something you want to tell us?"

Finding every eye aimed toward her (including the pilot's) Lulu gave in. "I'm three-weeks pregnant."

Wakka stared, mouth gaping and eyes a bit wider than normal. "You mean– I'm gonna be a dad in nine months?"

"Eight months and a week," Lulu replied firmly. "I'm not putting up with pregnancy any longer than I have to."

"Hey, congratulations!" Tidus slung an arm around Wakka's neck, though his smile was bittersweet with the children's absences. "You're gonna have a kid! Do a better job of parenting than my old man, alright?"

As hugs and congratulations were passed to the two parents-to-be, the pilot shouted, "Ay! E vuiht dra Vmoan!" (_I found the Flyer!_)

"Frana?" Cid jumped to attention, leaning over the pilot's shoulder (_Where?_).

"Tufh drana, hayn dra suidr uv dra Moonflow," the pilot answered (_Down there, near the mouth of the Moonflow_).

"Did you find the Flyer?" Yuna asked hopefully, leaning over the pilot's other shoulder. The pilot tried not to tip over with a nose-bleed as he realized the High Summoner--the High Summoner who had _defeated_ Sin, no less--was incredibly close. He suspected Cid wouldn't appreciate an attempt to sniff his niece's perfume by his pilot.

Shaking his head as he remembered many of them didn't understand Al Bhed, Cid announced aloud, "We've found the Flyer 1. We're landing now, and hopefully we'll find them as we search on foot."

"Then let's go!" Tidus cried, running out of the bridge and ignoring Cid's call, "We haven't even landed yet!"

"Sometimes that kid just really makes me laugh," Wakka shook his head as everyone followed Tidus.

Ten minutes later, the adults had searched the entire area around the remarkably whole Flyer 1, with no signs of the children.

"Maybe they took a different Flyer," Wakka tried unhelpfully as they congregated by the Flyer, Tidus still searching the craft desperately. "There were two other Flyers after this one, ya?"

"The cameras showed them climbing into the Flyer 1," Cid snapped. "The cameras don't lie."

"Hey, Cid?" Tidus hollered from within the cockpit. "Do these things have chairs?"

"Just one," Cid answered.

"Well," Tidus popped his head out, "there isn't a chair here. What does that mean?"

Cid smacked his forehead. "It means they ejected! Rikku, my darling little princess, she must've figured out how to eject from the Flyer."

"Where land?" Kimahri growled.

"Depending on how far up they ejected, they could be anywhere within a fifty-mile radius." Cid took out a radio and shouted, "Ryc dra cbrana uclemmu-vehtan belgat ib yhodrehk?" (_Has the sphere oscillo-finder picked up anything?_)

Silence. Then the radio cackled, "Drnaa semac hundr uv ouin bucedeuh, Cid. Drana yna nacetiac uv puto rayd raytehk dufynt Guadosalam." (_Three miles north of your position, Cid. There are residues of body heat heading toward Guadosalam._)

"Perfect," Cid huffed, jamming the radio into his pocket. "We go north, to Guadosalam. Hopefully we'll find them nice and easy in the open and not in some stinking Guado home."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Tidus shot out of the Flyer and ran for Guadosalam. "Rikku, Auron! We're coming!"

* * *

Okay, not much resolution/detail here, but I couldn't really add anymore without stealing material from the nextchapter. I have parts of it written, I just need to write the last half, which won't get done til the weekend. So...stay tuned. 


	7. Lady Rikku and Squire Auron of the Al Bh

Okay, so this isn't quite nearly as long as I'd wanted, but alas I wanted to postbefore the weekend. This was about where the story began to wrap up, before I decided I wanted to make the story a little longer (and have more adventures for Rikku and Auron!) so I've had to edit a little. I hope this clears up a little bit of the parent-situation with Auron; if not, then feel free to email me and demand an explanation._

* * *

Chapter 7: Lady Rikku and Squire Auron of the Al Bhed Knights Strike!_

"Rikku, I'm hungwy," Auron tugged at his companion's shirt hem.

"You're always hungry," Rikku replied. "Just hang on a little longer, alright? There's gotta be some nice people around here somewhere that'll feed us."

After the hectic ride in the machina that resulted in them pressing many buttons and unexpectedly being thrown out of the zooming craft, they had walked through the forest path. Rikku was certain this place looked familiar, but Auron's short attention span did not help to confirm or deny her suspicions. They wandered ahead helplessly, pausing once in a while to marvel at the funny trees and interesting plant growth. Several times Rikku kept Auron from chasing a butterfly and veering off the path into the dense unknowns.

_Being a big sister is a lot of work_, Rikku sighed mentally as she picked a stalk and stuck it in her mouth, unheeding as to who or what had trodden on it previously.

Unseen by her, Auron copied her actions, wrinkling his nose at the bitter taste on his tongue. His eyes focused on a rather large, black, hairy bug crawling along the stem before it flew away, startling him into dropping the stalk from his lips. He watched it spiral away for a moment before scurrying to rematch Rikku's slightly longer gait.

Oblivious to Auron, Rikku kept her line of thought, _It's a good thing I'm such a mature grown-up. What would Auron do without me to keep an eye on him? Probably get lost and hurt and talk to a whole buncha strangers and get eaten by big, ugly, mean witches, is what—_

"Rikku," Auron's tiny voice interrupted her thoughts. "What's that?"

Rikku looked to where the boy pointed. Off the beaten path, still a distance away, sat a little cottage, smoke puffing out of the chimney.

"It's a house, silly," Rikku tugged his hand, talking around the stalk in her mouth. "C'mon, they'll have food there."

"Food?" Auron followed, hurrying as fast as he could to keep up with her longer legs.

"Yeah, food!" Rikku encouraged him.

"Yay! Food!" Auron began to outright run, which turned out to be a mistake.

"Ooof!" a woman's voice cried as Auron ran smack-dab into her.

"Sorry," Rikku apologized, helping a sniffling Auron to his feet and brushing off the grass on his knees. "He wasn't looking."

"Oh, look at this mess!" the woman snarled, smacking the dirt from her dress. "It will take forever to clean this!"

"Dona, calm down," a man soothed the woman. "They're just kids, they didn't mean anything by it. Besides, you're already dirty, so what difference does it make?"

"Barthello, don't you start with me. If you hadn't convinced me to visit the Thunder Plains, we would have a lot less muck on ourselves and already be in Kilika." Dona finished ridding herself of the offensive particles, then glared down at Auron, shaking a finger at him. "You're a bad boy!"

Auron hung his head, nearly in tears. Seeing this, Rikku spat out the stalk and shouted indignantly, "Hey, stop scaring him, you big bully! It was an accident, he didn't do it on purpose!"

"Dona, please, don't yell at him," Barthello tried. "He can't be any older than four. He's got to wait until he's seven before he can start acting maliciously and knocking poor ladies to the ground, you know."

Dona folded her arms haughtily. "Hmph. I suppose. Some parents they have, though. Shouldn't they know how to look after their children?"

"Hey, my tytto is the bestest tytto in the whole world!" Rikku glared. "Don't make fun of my tytto!"

"Bad lady not nice," Auron murmured from behind Rikku's legs, where he had retreated for safety from the angry woman.

"I'm not a bad lady," Dona frowned. "I'm a Sum—well, ex-Summoner. I nearly saved Spira from Sin, I'll have you know."

Rikku stuck out her tongue. "Yeah, right. You're not nice enough to be a good Summoner. You yell at little boys and you treat kids like shoopufs! You're a mean, old, bad lady! _And_ you're a liar! Sin got beatlast yearby my uncle, the coolest Summoner in the whole history of Spira! Everyone and anyone who's got at least a chocobo for a brainknows that!"

Barthello shied away from Dona as she swelled and howled furiously, "How dare you! Who are you? I'll give your parents grief for not raising you proper!"

"Not telling! You guys are strangers!" Rikku pulled Auron behind her as they walked away. "In fact, we shouldn't even be talking to you!"

"Bye bye," Auron waved to Barthello; the boy thought the man was much nicer than the old lady.

"Bye now, take care!" Barthello grinned in amusement, which quickly faded when he saw Dona's disapproving face. "What? They're just kids."

"Hmph!" Dona turned to walk away, when something landed in her hair with a sickening _thwap!_ Mud and worms dripped down the back of her dress as Dona screeched.

"Ha!" Rikku shouted as Auron clapped for her. "Lady Rikku of the Al Bhed Knights strikes again! C'mon, Squire Auron, let's go!"

Dona glared daggers at the retreating backs of the children as they faded into the tall grasses. Barthello frowned, then asked Dona, "Did she just say Rikku and Auron? Like High Summoner Yuna's guardians? And what was that about her _uncle_ beating Sin last?"

"Ooh, does it really matter?" Dona hissed. "Since little pretty famous princess Yuna destroyed Sin, everyone in the whole world will name the children after her party. Little Aurons and Wakkas and Lulus and Yunas will be running rampant across the globe. These two won't be the last."

With one last dirty glare at the vanished Rikku and Auron, Dona led the way to the Moonflow, Barthello loyally marching beside her—

—Until Tidus slammed bodily into her slim form, knocking them both to the ground.

"Oh, for Yevon's sake!" Dona climbed back to her feet. "What is it today? Everyone keeps barging into me!"

"Sorry, Dona," Tidus gasped. "Hey, you haven't seen any kids around here? One's about ye high, the other's like this? A girl and a boy?"

"Actually, we ran into each other just a bit beyond," Barthello jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I'll tell ya, the little girl's got spunk."

"That's my princess!" Cid huffed, having caught up to Tidus and hearing the compliment.

"You should teach her manners," Dona glared at the Al Bhed leader. "She threw mud in my hair."

Cid narrowed his eyes at her. "You sayin' my family's uncivilized?"

"Hey, come on," Wakka jogged a bit past the group, "if we don't keep moving, it'll take us longer to catch up!"

"Right," Tidus nodded, and nearly moved on when he heard Dona's next comment:

"Horrible little boy, probably learned every nasty trick from Tidus. I hope he gets struck by lightning."

Tidus twirled, stepping up to Dona. "Actually, Dona, I learned everything I needed to know from him. Auron's a great man, and he's done more in his lifetime than you could ever hope to do even beyond your afterlife!"

"Excuse me?" Dona sneered. "I wasn't speaking of Sir Auron, you little twit. I was speaking of the savage boy that we ran into before."

Before Tidus could react, Yuna came forward and clouted Dona across the cheek hard enough to make her fall once more. As everyone stared, Yuna spoke steely, "That 'savage boy' you are referring to happens to be a sweet, endearing child that loves life and wouldn't wish harm on anyone, and who will grow up to be a loyal, reliable man! You should feel ashamed that you speak so ill of a child!"

Yuna stormed away, leaving in her wake six stunned guardians, a shocked uncle, and a humiliated summoner.

"Wow," Tidus whistled. "And I thought Lulu had a temper. Ow!"

"You should be more careful, Tidus," Lulu walked by, hand losing its glow from a Fire spell. "Mine is easier to light."

* * *

"Are we gonna get food thoon?" Auron asked Rikku as they trundled further to the little cottage they had spotted before. "'Cause I'm weally hungwy."

"Real soon, my dear Squire," Rikku assured him, pleased with herself at the new game they could play. "As soon as we get to that cottage, on my word as an Al Bhed Knight."

Upon reaching the yard, they spotted a stout Guado woman, hunched over her garden bed. She hummed the Hymn of the Fayth as she pruned an overly large bush of flowers.

"Excuse me?" Rikku said softly.

The Guado woman looked over. Her eyes narrowed upon spying the two.

"We're really hungry, ma'am," Rikku dug the toe of her shoe into the path. "We were wondering if you had any food we could eat."

Auron peered at the woman from behind Rikku. The woman looked mean. But, if she had food. . . .

"Well, perhaps a bite," the Guado nodded, her eyes losing their narrowed look. "Very famished, thee look."

"Yes, we're very hungry," Rikku replied. "Thank you very much."

As the children entered the little cottage, the Guado woman smiled and followed them with a slight cackle.

The children looked around as the woman close the door behind her, smelling the aroma of fresh-baked bread and spices. Auron, if anything, looked hungrier. Even Rikku lost some of her control and fidgeted anxiously.

"Would like, what thee?" the woman asked, smiling down at the children.

"Oh, anything, Ma'am," Rikku nodded. She backtracked, saying, "Except Brussels sprouts. We don't like Brussels sprouts."

Nodding kindly, the Guado woman left the table for the stove top, humming the Hymn once more and thus not hearing the conversation that carried on behind her.

"What are bwussel spwouts?" Auron asked Rikku curiously.

"Really bad things that taste like bad socks," Rikku told him sagaciously. "It's what the Maesters eat every day up in Bevelle. That's why they're so cranky and mean all the time."

Auron blinked, having recognized the name Bevelle but unable to place the term. He frowned in concentration, but could not drudge up any memory of a place called Bevelle. "What's Bebelle?"

"A bad place," Rikku said as they followed the Guado woman to a table in the center of the kitchen. "It's where _aaaalllll_ the bad people live, especially," she added in a low voice, "lawyers and money swindlers. Maesters are really bad, 'cause they're liars and bad men and . . . ni-nincompoopers. And if you lie, or call your tyttos names, then you'll get sent to Bevelle and never be happy again! That's what tytto says, and tytto's always right."

Highly impressed, Auron gazed upon her with wide eyes and an 'o' shaped mouth.

"There be, for thee," the woman interrupted, placing a plate of hot sandwiches on the table. "Now, nice children, where thee parents?"

Rikku and Auron gobbled up a sandwich, Rikku saying between chews, "Mine'sth in Bikanel. We got stuck—" she swallowed hugely, "in a plane, and it took off, and landed us by the big river full of fireflies."

Auron looked between adult and child, a thoughtful expression on his face. He said slowly, hesitantly, "No pawents. Just Tidus and Yunie and evewybody elsthe."

The Guado looked down on them with a contemplative stare, then smiled widely. "Ah, see I do. Will thee excuse me? Flowers tending, I must." She exited the house, but not before she looked significantly at her stove where a pot of liquid boiled.

Auron followed her departure, having almost turned completely around in his chair. Now he sat properly and asked Rikku, "Awren't we not s'posthed to talk to stwangers?"

"She's not a stranger, you sillyhead," Rikku replied. "She's feeding us."

In the back of Rikku's mind, somewhere unbidden, a memory arose, making her face scrunch up. "_Never talk to people you don't know, even if they offer you the cooked Maester's heart on a platter."_

_"But Pooops, what if—"_

_"No buts! I ain't gonna let my little girl grow up thinking she can trust every tysh person on Spira. You got that? Notta one!"_

Rikku didn't remember having that talk with her tytto. But she hadn't gotten so far as beating Brother to the bestest assignments by _not_ listening to him thus far.

Sliding out of her seat, she left Auron filling himself with the sandwiches as she peered into the pot. Green liquid bubbled inside, making her uneasy. Trotting into the adjoined living quarter, she spotted a broom, several deformed dolls, and a pointy, well-worn hat neatly placed by the hearth, the fire blazing an unnatural red.

Rikku's eyes widened. The Guado lady was a witch! And she was feeding Auron and her food! Just like in that story Tytto had told her about Hansy and Gredy!

"Auron!" the boy paused in his bite, looking at the older girl curiously. "Get as many sandwiches as you can, and then we go!"

"But," Auron stuck out his lower lip in his pout, "I'm tired."

"She's a witch, Auron," Rikku whispered at him desperately, jamming her pockets full with the sandwiches. "She's gonna stuff us up and then stick _us_ in her pot next so she can eat _us_!"

Auron's eyes grew wide. "Eat us?"

"Hurry, Auron! Before she comes back in!" She grabbed his hand and bolted for a window, hidden from the Guado's view. "We'll run away and find Tytto and Yunie and Tidus. They'll protect us from the witch-lady!" She climbed onto the sill first, then pulled Auron up and through the window. Falling into a bush placed below, they managed to scramble out with nary a shout but with a few scratches.

Unnoticed, hidden by the overly-green foliage, Auron and Rikku disappeared into Spira's wild.

* * *

Ah, bad Cid, telling Rikku all those stories about witches and Hansy and Gredy (Hansel and Gretel). And it does appear that no one on Spira knows how to look after kids, bwahaha. 


	8. The Culprit and Lost Ones

Goodness. I'm a bad author; I haven't updated this in ages. Thankfully for you all, I sat down and told myself I couldn't follow in Douglas Adams' footsteps and procrastinate any further. And I do bear good news: this is my only WIP right now, as I have put my other one on hold until summer, when I can focus on editing it better. This means I have more time to write for CCP, if I'm not distracted by one-shots.

I apologize for the long wait, and hopefully I can write a little more reliably now that I don't have a writing-dependent class. Thank you to all those who reviewed; I may not reply to everyone, but I appreciate them always!_

* * *

Chapter 8: The Culprit and Lost Ones _

"We've searched the entire city, and there are no signs of them!" Wakka wailed, flopping to the ground and resting his forearms on his knees. "They can't run that fast, can they?"

"Apparently, yes," Lulu sighed, taking a more graceful seat on a stone fence.

"Stinkin' Guados," Cid kicked up dirt. "I'll bet you this was all their plot! Tryin' to hurt my little Rikku!"

"And what about Auron?" Tidus retorted. "He's one of the great heroes of Spira, isn't he? Why would they hurt him?"

"Don't ask me how they think!" Cid growled. "They're Guado! They're doubly crazier than Yevonites!"

Yuna and Kimahri returned to the group from the northern exit. "The sentry says no children passed by unsupervised," Yuna announced.

"And you trust him?" Cid folded his arms.

"Considering he confessed to many other unrelated matters when Kimahri held him two feet off the ground, yes," Yuna said flatly.

"So, they haven't passed through Guadosalam," Lulu frowned. She turned her head back to the entrance. "Did we even check with the sentry at the entrance to see if they _entered_ Guadosalam?"

Silence.

"No, I have not seen any children of which you describe," the sentry shook his head five minutes later. "I have been on watch since this morning, and no children have passed."

"You sure?" Wakka pressed. "'Cause we don't want to have to come back here and whoop your sorry keister if you're wrong."

The sentry eyed the rather large and rather intimidating group. Actually, more like the rather large Ronso and the rather intimidating black mage. He gulped. "Well, I did see two human children stop at Madame Tora's, down the way over there."

"One blonde and one brunet?" Tidus asked.

"Yes, yes, a blonde girl and brunet boy," the sentry replied testily. "Could you please leave now? I'm on guard duty and it's difficult to guard with you in the way."

The group hurriedly left for Madame Tora's, reaching the little cottage a few minutes later. The cottage seemed innocent enough.

_Then again, _Tidus thought, _so do Auron and Rikku as children._

They decided that Yuna, Tidus, and Lulu should approach the cottage, while Cid, Wakka, and Kimahri stood guard. Wakka and Cid protested, but Yuna put her foot down: Wakka was not the smoothest talker in all of Spira, and Cid would more than likely spark a fight with Madame Tora.

Having decided the "Invasion Party" and the "Calvary" (as Cid so dubbed them and Yuna acceded to in order for the Al Bhed leader to agree with the party arrangements) Yuna, Lulu and Tidus went up to the door and knocked politely.

The door opened, and an old Guado woman peered out. "Help thee, may I?"

"Er," Tidus stammered, slightly put off by her odd (even for a Guado) grammar. "We were wondering if you saw a boy and girl pass by here."

The woman frowned at them. "Whom thee might be?"

"We're looking after them," Yuna bowed hurriedly. "You see, something happened to them and we have been trying to help them back to normal."

"They wandered off while we investigated a lead," Lulu added; she left out the fact that they had also taken off in an unproven aircraft. "Since then, we have been looking for them. A guard at Guadosalam mentioned that two children came by your cottage. We were hoping that they might be ours."

Madame Tora gazed at them for a longer moment, face expressionless. Just as Tidus was about to ask (less politely this time) if she had seen their lost comrades, the Guado woman stepped aside and allowed them entrance to her home.

Peering about, Tidus could see nothing of their miniaturized friends. All that he saw were a few dolls that had seen several years' worth of hardship, a hat undoubtedly used to ward off the bright sun, a short-handled broom and a fire blazing, lit by magic.

The Guado woman ushered them into the kitchen and sat them around the table. Tidus looked at Lulu, who looked at Yuna, who seemed quite startled that she was the center of attention, as Madame Tora was also directing her gaze at the High Summoner. Gulping, Yuna stammered, "We're truly sorry for intruding, but we are terribly concerned for our friends. Were they here?"

Madame Tora nodded slowly. "Here they be, ten minutes past. Tending garden I, and stood in my path they did. Asked for food, so invited them I did. Left them here, where thou sit, to clean garden. Returned, and be gone they."

Tidus groaned, slumping his shoulders and hanging his head. They had missed the two by _ten minutes_. Ten measly minutes, during which they had been fruitlessly searching Guadosalam. "Auron and Rikku are _so_ grounded when we find them again," Tidus vowed.

His remark earned him a frown from Madame Tora. "Auron and Rikku their names be?"

"Yes," Yuna nodded. "Auron was the boy, and Rikku the girl."

To their bemusement the woman nodded. "So thought, did I. Taught them right, did I."

Tidus blinked, completely lost. "Huh? Taught them what?"

Lulu's brows came together gracefully into a frown, and she let her Onion Knight to the ground. "You are responsible for their childish states," she accused.

Gasping, Yuna hurriedly rose from her chair and backed to the counter. Tidus, ever-quick when a battle seemed imminent, came to his feet and put himself between Yuna and the Guado. "You turned Rikku and Auron into children?" he growled, angry for both the slight against his comrades-turned-children and the induced trauma to the adults.

Madame Tora, in spite of the increasingly belligerent atmosphere, nodded without the smallest sign of penitence. "Rude they be to me, one week prior," she told them all, and proceeded to enlighten them about her motivation . . .

_Prices in Guadosalam had been steadily rising as the rest of Spira was refusing to trade fairly. Maester Seymour's part in the invasion of the Blitzball tournament and his attempt at world domination had put the Guado in a bad light, and made life difficult for those Guado that had tried to live civilly._

_Madame Tora had finally grown fed up with the rising tension in Guadosalam, and moved to the outskirts of the city. She cultivated her own goods, but there were some things one couldn't grow in a garden. Lipstick and green foundation being particular examples._

_As she browsed the selection in the store, Madame Tora decided to wait another week for a new shipment of goods. She exited the store, wondering if Tobli had any productions coming up . . ._

_A tall man dressed in a red robe stood at the edge of the overpass, looking down in contemplation. Madame Tora recognized him vaguely, but the name escaped her at the moment. She shrugged and put it aside; if it wasn't coming to mind immediately, it mustn't be important—_

_"Tag! You're It, Auron!" a blonde girl with swirling green eyes slapped the red-garbed man; her smile was so wide and huge, her eyes were squinted shut._

_The man glared down at her, and said darkly, "I don't play Tag, Rikku."_

_"Oh, c'mon," Rikku squirmed, clasping her hands together. "Please please please? Think of it as a celebration!"_

_"And what would we be celebrating?" Auron arched a brow._

_"Getting past the Thunder Plains, of course!" she exclaimed, as though it were common knowledge. "I'm shocked I wasn't struck by lightning at all! Hey, I made a pun!" Rikku giggled._

_The man seemed no more inclined to play her game than before. "Go find Tidus. He's easily amused by little games."_

_The girl frowned at him, and before Madame Tora could even blink the girl had taken the large jug hanging at Auron's side. "Ha! Catch me if you can!" she yelled as she high-tailed it down the slope. The girl had not planned her trajectory, however, and knocked down the Guado woman and sped away with nary an apology._

_"Rikku!" Auron roared, rushing past in pursuit. Rather than acting with gentlemanly courtesy, he left her on the ground._

_Scowling, Madame Tora climbed to her feet with a deep, loathing scowl. The Guado had been involved in a dark plot, to be certain, but surely respect ought to have been given to an elder like her. No, these younglings did not know proper respect._

_She would right this wrong. She would take it into her hands to teach them how to treat their elders._

"That's it?" Tidus was one octave from howling. "You turned them into our living nightmares because they didn't stop to apologize? And how exactly were you going to teach them? They were out of your reach!"

Madame Tora aimed her scowl at him. "Not respectful, thou. Change thou to child, too."

Tidus blanched, subtly inching Yuna and he closer to Lulu—all the easier to push them both down to the ground, he reasoned with himself.

"You will change them back at once," Lulu told her, crimson eyes glittering dangerously. "Knowing Rikku and Auron, they did not mean to disrespect you; they were distracted. When they are adults again, we can inform them of their grievous transgression so they can apologize to you."

They grit their teeth as Madame Tora shook her head. "Possible not. Remedy prepared not, and direct contact to children necessary when created. No other way."

"B-but, you _can_ make a remedy, right?" Yuna broke in, slipping past Tidus to face Madame Tora. At the woman's contemplative nod, Yuna furthered, "And you would give it to them, if we brought them here and had them apologize once they were adults?"

Madame Tora tapped her lip, eyes tilted up in thought. "Four days required. Must simmer and boil proper length of time. Otherwise ineffective."

_Well, four days is better than the lifetime we were facing_, Tidus mused to himself. "Well, alright, you get working on that remedy, and we'll bring Auron and Rikku to you!"  
Tidus nearly left the house when Lulu grabbed his hood and yanked him back. "You forgot to _thank_ Madame Tora, Tidus," she hissed.

Remembering Madame Tora's fondness for respect and the punishment doled out to those who crossed her path, Tidus flinched and said hurriedly, "Uh, thanks for doing this, y'know, curing Auron and Rikku. At least, y'know, when we get them back to you and you make the remedy. We're really grateful, and we don't want you to get mad at us and change us into children, too, 'cause that wouldn't be good—"

"You have our gratitude," Yuna broke in, bowing deeply. "We will return in four days with either the children or an update. Thank you, Madame Tora."

Seemingly content, Madame Tora nodded a dismissal. The three left the cottage, and Lulu sent a disapproving glance at Tidus. "I thought we had left _Wakka_ outside because he was the inarticulate one," she said.

"Sorry," Tidus scratched his head. "I panicked."

"Finally!" Cid shouted when the trio left the property. "You took forever! What'd she say?"

Yuna relayed what they had learned, and it took Kimahri and Tidus to restrain Cid from barging in and lighting a bomb. Once Cid had calmed (or at least given in to Lulu's threat to blast the man with an Ultima) Kimahri left the group to sniff the perimeter of Madame Tora's cottage.

"Man, when our kid's born, I'm gonna get a leash and never let him off it," Wakka muttered with an exhalation.

"Why do you assume that it will be a boy?" Lulu narrowed her eyes at him.

Startled, Wakka took several moments to answer. By then Lulu had growled something inaudible and joined Kimahri in searching, using Scans and calling their names. With a hearty sigh, Wakka hung his head. "I'm never gonna get the hang of this, ya?"

"My old man never did," Tidus informed him.

Kimahri called them with a roar, and the group hurried to his location. When everyone circled around him Kimahri pointed into the forest, "Auron and Rikku went this way. Smell like fear."

Tidus' gut clenched. "Well, c'mon! We won't get them back if we just stand around!"

With that, he bolted into the forest, Yuna clipping his heels and the others following in a devoted line.

* * *

The rain pitter-pattered in large droplets, wide-spread and continuous. 

Rikku was beginning to wonder if running away from the witch had been such a good idea.

She and Auron had walked and walked until it felt like their legs were going to fall off. Auron had taken to a bout of crying, and she had felt very near to joining him, but she reminded herself that she was the oldest. She needed to be strong.

Now they were in a broad plain, with dark skies above and large structures in the distance to the left. Rikku thought that perhaps this might be the Thunder Plains, but she couldn't see the lightning rod towers that had been built to protect passersby.

Completely exhausted, she had led Auron to the base of a large, mountainous ridge and chose an overhang that would protect them from stormy weather. They cuddled together, Auron pressed tightly to her right side by her hug. Auron was sniffling and sucking his thumb, and Rikku wished she could do the same.

_I don't like being the oldest,_ she thought miserably. _I wanna cry, and suck my thumb, and have Byby tell me stories and make me feel better._

"Rikku?" Auron asked quietly, "Are we wost?"

"I think so," Rikku replied.

Auron sniffled deeply. "Then Y-Yunie and Tidus won't find us?"

"Yes they will," Rikku refuted firmly. "My Byby's found me when I've been lost on Bikanel! This'll be a piece of cake for him!"

Auron looked up at her with wide, brown eyes. "Your byby is going to eat cake because we're wost?"

"No, Auron, it's an expression." Rikku shuddered as a violent wind blew against them. "Are you cold?"

"Uh huh."

"Me too." Rikku sniffed. _I want my Byby. I don't wanna be the old one!_ "It's okay, Auron. We're gonna be okay. They'll find us soon."

The area flashed briefly, and before they could even marvel at the brightness lightning struck the ground a mere ten feet away. Screaming, Auron and Rikku pushed themselves as far as they could into the overhang. Auron's tears renewed, and Rikku stopped keeping herself from bawling. In quick succession twelve lightning bolts struck, and thunder rumbled ominously. Slowly their fear-induced adrenaline rush faded, leaving them even more tired. They lay down as close to the wall as possible, shivering and crying.

The rain pattered on.

* * *

For reference, I see Auron and Rikku more to the right of the Thunder Plains. If you look at a map of Spira, there is actually a lot of unexplored territory, and I don't think that the Spirans have littered the entire Plains with lightning rod towers. Poor, poor Rikku and Auron.

I haven't quite decided yet if I want Auron and Rikku found within the next chapter, or if I should have them traverse through Spira before the adults find them (hint hint hint). But I do think that this story will be finished by June at the latest.


	9. A Knight on a Feathery Steed Sort of

Well. So, apparently, if I wait long enough between updates, I have more spontaneous reviews. Hmm, interesting...Lol, just kidding. Pauses between updates will only happen if I hit writer's block, not because I want reviews. Because, thanks to the wonderful hit count, I have a better knowledge of how many people actually read the fic.

And from what I garnered from the reviews, people want to see Auron and Rikku explore Spira. So...no reunion here. But I do make up for it; slightly._

* * *

_

_Chapter 9: A Knight on a Feathery Steed . . . Sort Of_

At the mercy of lightning in the untamed regions of the Thunder Plains, most Spirans would turn straight around and run pell-mell back the way they came. Most did not have the determination to cross the vast plains unprotected. Most did not have a particularly compelling reason to brave the adverse elements when safety was a mile away in the other direction.

Clasko had a very compelling reason to go straight through the wilder part of the Thunder Plains. And also the determination not to leave. The name of the reason started with a _cho_ and ended with a -_cobo_.

"C'mon, please?" he said piteously as the chocobo continued to jog lightly along, at ease in the terrible weather. "If we just go over the hill, we'll be safer. No lightning bolts would hurt you."

The chocobo gave no sign of hearing him except to shrill. Her path remained very linear.

Clasko sighed. He had found this chocobo near the mouth of the Thunder Plains, and goaded the bird into taking some feed from his hand (actually, the food had been for him, but Clasko would have given the bird his own foot if it meant catching the beautiful, sweet chocobo). Rather than following Clasko, however, the chocobo ventured into the dangerous Thunder Plains, and predictably Clasko followed, managing to climb onto the chocobo and ride the feathery steed.

There was no sign of the Thunder Plains' exit, which meant there was more time for a lightning bolt to strike them both. Just as Clasko was about to make another desperate plea for the bird to turn around, the chocobo halted abruptly and twisted her head to the left.

Bemused, Clasko turned to find what had caught his precious one's attention. All he could see was the mountainous ridge that separated them from safety.

"Yes, yes! Go that way, c'mon now, just go over the mountains and I'll be sure to give you a nice, fat bag of goodies for you to—whoa!"

The chocobo took off with long strides, head angled down close to the ground and wings spread for balance. Clasko toppled forward, grasping at the chocobo's neck.

Lightning bolts punished the land around them, but the chocobo always managed to veer away from the dangerous discharge. Slowly, when Clasko managed to concentrate hard enough, he could hear something over the roar of thunder and clashes of lightning.

He could hear children crying.

The chocobo slowed her pace and came to a halt before an overhang, and shakily Clasko dismounted. Leaning down, he could see two very young children lying in the recess, but no adults.

_Those poor children! Where are their parents? What are they doing all the way out here? The chocobo must have heard the children, and her maternal instinct directed her to come here and make sure they were alright._ "Hey!"

The girl looked up at him, her face streaked with tears and lined by distress. She pulled the younger boy closer to her, scooting away from Clasko.

"Hey, now, don't do that," Clasko tried reassuring the girl, flinching as lightning struck behind him. The children also jumped, and the boy began to wail.

Attracted by the crying, the chocobo jutted her head forward and began to croon. Although they had been startled by the bird's appearance, the boy had stopped his crying and the girl was less afraid. She stammered, "W-what is that?"

"This beauty?" Clasko petted his prize lovingly. "This is a chocobo. I'm starting a chocobo farm, and she's going to be the first of my herd! You wanna pet her?" Clasko asked, goading.

The girl hesitated, but her hand reached forward to stroke the chocobo's head. The bird closed her eyes, warbling satisfactorily. The girl giggled, and told the boy, "C'mon, Auron, she's really soft!"

Clasko frowned at the boy. He hadn't been aware parents were already naming their children after Yuna's guardians. Then again, maybe they had known of Sir Auron from Braska's pilgrimage.

"Where are your parents, little guys?" Clasko asked. "How'd you get all the way out here?"

The girl looked up at him, her lower lip jutted out in a pout. It was then that he noticed the swirls in her eyes, indicating her Al Bhed heritage. "We got lost. My tytto was testing some machina, and we were playing, and then _VROOM_!" she clapped her hands together, "we wound up by a huge river. A-and then we ran away from a witch-lady, and I didn't know where we w-were going, and now we're stuck here because the thunder won't stop!"

Auron had since lost his reservation for the chocobo, and leaned forward to run a tiny hand over the bird's beak. He overbalanced, though, and fell from Rikku's grasp and face-first into the dirt.

"Auron! Are you okay?" Rikku asked frantically, patting the boy's head. Auron began to sniffle, but the chocobo's head-butting distracted him from his hurt. The boy even managed a smile. "She's awll wet, Rikku!"

_I can't leave these two here. I'll just take them with me, at least out of the Thunder Plains, and locate their parents once we hit civilization._

"Hey, you wanna ride the chocobo?" Clasko asked, patting the bird's back. "You can ride her, and she'll keep you safe from harm while we get out of the Thunder Plains together!"

"Really?" Rikku asked imploringly, the spirals in her eyes widening as her eyes did. "Really, you will?"

"Yeah! Hop aboard!" Clasko managed to coax the chocobo down so he could lift Auron onto the bird's back and help Rikku on in front of Auron. Climbing on behind them, Clasko spared a moment to hope that their combined weight wouldn't crush the chocobo's frame.

His concerns were almost immediately relieved as the chocobo scampered over the Plains. Auron made a gleeful noise, and Clasko barely heard him when he cheered, "Birdie wun fast!"

In spite of the chocobo's willing nature to take on extra passengers, she still refused to listen to Clasko to climb over the ridge that would place them under the safety of the lightning rod towers. They had many close encounters with lightning bolts, but with the comforting presences of Clasko and the chocobo, the children let out nothing more than a small shriek of surprise.

At the end of his rope of patience, Clasko nearly dismounted to lead, if not pull and push, the chocobo over the ridge. His decision was invalidated, however, when the chocobo swerved left and ducked into a cave's entrance.

Plunged into darkness, Clasko could only hold on tighter to the children and the chocobo to prevent them from falling. When they emerged from the cave, it became clear to Clasko why the chocobo had ignored him: they were now on the other side of the ridge, within the safe perimeter of the lightning rod towers, _and_ it had taken them less time than if they had gone over the steep mountain.

"Good girl!" Clasko rubbed the chocobo's neck, and she took a moment to bask in his approval before starting off again, this time at an easier pace. "We're safe now, you guys."

"Yay!" Rikku smiled back at him, eyes squinted shut. "I don't like lightning. It's too scary!"

"Wight'ing bad," Auron agreed somberly, then yawning. "I'm tired."

"Me too," Rikku nodded, eyes drifting shut. "Can we stop for the night, Mister?"

"Ah, er, it's just Clasko," the man blushed. No one had ever called him 'Mister' before, except his mother when she was scolding him for shirking his chores in favor of searching for the yellow-feathered birds of his dreams. "Alright, girl, let's call it a day and stop."

The chocobo halted obediently, and lowered herself to the ground so her passengers could disembark. Slipping the tent out from his pack, Clasko thanked Lucil and Elma for drilling him so insistently on proper equipment and how to utilize them during his stint as a Chocobo Knight. Within minutes the tent was up, sleeping rolls were laid out, and the two children were fast asleep. Auron was tucked into the length of Rikku's torso, and the girl had slung her arm over the boy.

_Such a cute picture_, Clasko thought with a grin. Then he looked at the tent again. While the children were not exactly giants, the space was limited, and he was rather large himself. The sleeping arrangement, were he to try and shove his way in, would be intimate and uncomfortable. He wouldn't want to give their parents reason to think he was a perverted chocobo-fanatic.

Clasko sighed. It looked like he would be sleeping outside with the chocobo, and all future nights until he could procure a bigger tent. _Ah well, I could imagine worse scenarios_. "C'mere, girl," Clasko cooed, bringing the chocobo over to the tent's mouth. "Lay down, and we'll get a good rest before tomorrow. We've got to find these kids' parents, and then get all the way over to the Calm Lands to start up our Chocobo Ranch."

The chocobo crooned, and nestled her head under her wing. Lying against the bird, Clasko covered himself with a blanket and fell asleep to the rain falling on his face, the chocobo's warmth underneath him, and the soft breathing of the children in the tent.

* * *

"Dammit!" Tidus snarled, slamming a fist into the well-packed dirt of a recessed overhang. "Are you sure, Kimahri?" 

"Kimahri sure," the Ronso nodded, his fur drenched and flattened by rain. "Rikku and Auron here, then leave on chocobo with man. Chocobo go that way," Kimahri pointed north, further into the dangerous part of the Thunder Plains.

"Who the hell would be so dumb as to go _more_ into the Thunder Plains, ya?" Wakka scowled, arms folded. The spiky point of his hair was beginning to droop, the gel losing the battle with gravity and water. "That's dangerous! Should've gone over the ridge, to where the towers are."

Lulu rose from her kneeling position on the ground, where she had been observing a patch of yellow feathers dropped by the chocobo. She held one in her hand, swiveling it around by the quill. Her face was darkened by a look of concentration as she thought.

"Do you think they're safe, Kimahri?" Yuna asked her guardian, very near tears at the thought of her friends in the hands of an evil soul.

"They'd better be," Cid growled, cracking his knuckles. "If he hurts my Rikku in any way, I'm gonna show him straight to the Farplane, even if I have to take him there myself!"

"That won't be necessary," Lulu broke in, and for the first time in a long while a smile had crossed her features. "Think about it, everyone. Auron and Rikku were carried off by a man with a _chocobo_. Who do we know is crazy enough to ride a chocobo through the Thunder Plains, when there is safety and warmth just on the other side?"

The group took a moment to think. Yuna and her guardians all came to the conclusion at once. "Clasko!"

Cid stood, blinking and confused. "Huh?"

* * *

Alright, well, not the longest chapter, but it seemed like a good place to stop. 


	10. Tantrum and Two New Uncles

Not an entirely humorous chapter, nor one centered around Auron, Rikku, or Tidus and crew. It was necessary, however, to set up for future chapters. If anything is too confusing, let me know and I'll try to answer as well as I can.

_

* * *

Chapter 10: Tantrum and Two New Uncles_

Before finding Auron and Rikku, Clasko hadn't minded the thought of settling down. As long as the woman he married loved chocobos as much as he did (or could stand his devotion to the chocobos) and they raised their children on or near the chocobo ranch he would undoubtedly begin, Clasko had been open to the idea of children and a wife.

Now, while a wife still didn't sound terrible, he was rethinking the offspring aspect.

He had been having a wonderful dream about chocobos milling all around him and doing a fun little jig, and there had even been a funny-looking man with hair like a chocobo asking if he could use his chocobos to race at the Golden Saucer. Clasko had experienced some confusion at this last part, but before he could resolve the issue someone was shaking him awake, yelling, "Uncle Clasko Uncle Clasko Uncle Clasko!"

"What? Where? Chocobos?" Clasko sputtered awake, blinking rapidly. Rain was sprinkling into his eyes, blurring his vision. The chocobo was no longer underneath him, and Clasko rubbed his eyes frantically to clear his vision, stumbling to his feet.

When the sleep-grit was rubbed from his eyes, Clasko looked down. Rikku and Auron were at his feet, the former holding Auron's hand and tugging insistently at Clasko's shirt hem. The boy looked up imploringly, eyes huge with anxiety. Rikku was a mirror-image, though she was shifting from side to side in an absurd dance.

Clasko recognized that dance. He himself had been victim to it during his stint as a Chocobo Knight.

"I need to go to the potty, Clasko!" Rikku said with a hop. "Or else I'm gonna _explode_! And Auron needs his diaper changed!"

This proclamation led to the insanity that made Clasko reconsider his marital dreams. Rikku had been quite dismayed to find that, no, Clasko did _not_ have an Al Bhed Portable-Poopy-Machine (as she claimed her father called it, though Clasko doubted any sensible adult would use such terminology for everyday usage) and that she would have to use a bush to relieve her bladder for the time being.

"No! I don't wanna use a bush!" Rikku cried. "That's icky and weird! Why can't we find a Poopy-Machine?"

Clasko sighed, deeply and heavily. How did one explain to a child with no conception of distance that actual civilization was quite a few miles away, and with it a toilet?

Auron wasn't helping matters along. He told both Clasko and Rikku that he needed changing. And if Clasko's ears weren't failing him, he swore there was pride in that little boy's voice.

Ducking his head with a groan, Clasko faced Rikku once more. "Rikku, please, just go behind a bush or something and pee. I need to help Auron."

Rikku fumed, stomping her foot. "Fine! Auron's always the one who gets all the attention! Oui pek zang!" (_You big jerk!_) Rikku stormed off to a concealing slab of stone, leaving Clasko confused and Auron subdued.

"Isth she mad at me?" Auron asked Clasko with a trembling lip.

"Ah, I think she's more mad at me than you," Clasko smiled worriedly. "Alright, er, let's see if we can't get you fixed up."

Having packed for only himself in mind, Clasko lacked much in the toddler-care department. His only solution, the rancher felt, was to give the boy an induction to potty-training.

Clasko shuddered. This was supposed to be a job for the boy's parents. Where could they have possibly gone, leaving these two children to fend for themselves? From what he had gathered of Rikku's hitched explanation yesterday, her Al Bhed guardian had lost her during an accident (most likely to do with machina, Clasko realized). This meant Rikku's guardian could possibly be somewhere in Home, unaware of how far his charge had gone astray.

Auron, however, had not indicated where his parents were. Given the tumultuous time this last year, Clasko suspected the parents had died in Sin's rampage. While Clasko pitied the boy, he also felt hope for the young one. He wouldn't have to grow up entirely in Sin's shadow, constantly living in fear of Sin's revival. Lady Yuna, bless her and her guardians, had seen to that.

His musings, as interesting as they were, would not help with either the boy or the girl. Particularly not the boy's potty needs. With a sigh, Clasko looked down at the boy, wondering where to begin. What had _his_ parents done? Clasko had no idea.

_Well, first comes first, Auron needs to get the dirty . . . diaper . . . off . . . . Eww. I'm going to have to take it off. Ugh, I guess this can't be any more disgusting than shoveling chocobo feces._ With that in mind, Clasko put himself to task and helped Auron get rid of the soiled diaper.

"Alright, Auron," Clasko let the boy pull up his own pants, staying bent to the boy's level. "We're going to start potty-training you now, so that you don't have to rely on diapers so much. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Auron blinked at him. "Would Rikku not be mad at me if I did?"

Clasko took time to reply, startled. "Er, well, I guess."

The boy nodded slowly. "Okay. I'll trwiy, for Rikku."

Inwardly breathing a sigh of relief, Clasko stood. He looked around, searching for the girl. _Where did she go? And where did the chocobo go?_

"Ahh! Let go, you dumb bird!"

Clasko turned his head sharply, wincing and rubbing his neck as he audibly cricked it. The chocobo was trotting back to him and Auron, dragging Rikku by her collar in its beak.

"Rikku? What's going on?" Clasko asked, prying her free from the chocobo. Auron watched from afar, eyes shy but curious.

She glared up at him, the spirals in her eyes expanding with anger. "I was running away, since you like Auron so much better than me!"

Aghast, Clasko switched his gaze between her and Auron. "Rikku, I like you both equally! I don't want you to run away over a potty-incident—over _anything_—because you could get hurt or worse!"

"Hmpf!" Rikku folded her arms and twisted away, eyes closed.

"You should sthop acting wike such a child, Rikku."

Blinking, Clasko turned and searched, trying to find the one who spoke. The only person he could see in range was Auron . . . or the chocobo.

Just as he was about to focus his attention on the chocobo (_just imagine the wonders of a talking chocobo!_ he thought excitedly) Auron approached Rikku, arms folded. There was a look in his eye that was far from young or naïve.

Rikku stood up and returned his hard gaze in kind, also seeming to age right before Clasko. "Quiet, you old meanie! You're just jealous 'cause I made a better kid than you ever could fantasize about!"

Utterly befuddled and feeling like he missed a major factor, Clasko could only watch with the chocobo as Auron stared down (or up, more accurately, as he was at least a good six inches shorter than Rikku) the older girl with nary a flinch. "I find adulthood far more sthimulating than childhood ever had."

Lifting a brow, Rikku swayed her hips mockingly. "Oooh, how _wise_! Don't think I can't see under all that. You're _totally_ resentful of my youth!"

"What the heck's going on, here!" Clasko exploded, startling the chocobo and achieving the desired effect: stalling the growing argument between Rikku and Auron. "You two are sounding like adults! And using adult words! And—and—"

The two stared at Clasko. This mystified him even more; their gazes were those of innocent children, not the adults they had been acting as earlier. "Uncle Clasko, are you okay?" Rikku asked, apparently unmindful of the previous squabble. "You sound pretty mad."

"Isth Unky Clasko mad at me?" Auron's lower lip trembled.

Torn between who to address first, Clasko dug his hands into his hair. He nearly screamed his frustration when someone yelled before him. "'Ey!"

The trio and chocobo sought for the newcomer. A man with a large green bag slung over his shoulder, a blue vest, and an odd black hat jogged to them, waving a hand wildly.

The two children whimpered and hid behind the chocobo's legs, united in their common wariness of the new stranger (who hadn't saved them from any scary thunderstorms like their Uncle Clasko had). Clasko, on the other hand, recognized the man as the spirited merchant O'aka XXIII, who had very recently been released from imprisonment in Bevelle and also was researching in new trades and finding new employees to expand his empire.

Clasko didn't know whether to greet the man as reinforcement in babysitting the children or run far, far, _far_ away.

"'Ello, Clasko!" O'aka greeted animatedly before Clasko could reach a decision, wiping his brow. "Good to see ye, mate. See ye caught a chocobo, there."

"Hello, O'aka," Clasko dipped his head, patting the chocobo's head lovingly. "Isn't she beautiful? She's going to be the first in my ranch—"

"'Ey!" O'aka interrupted, bending over and looking between Clasko's and the chocobo's legs. "Are those kids?"

Auron made a tiny noise of coyness, but Rikku crept out and peered up at O'aka. Then she smiled broadly and stuck out her hand. "Lady Rikku of the Al Bhed Knights, at your service! That's Auron, he's my squire! Do you know Uncle Clasko? He saved us!"

O'aka was taken aback for a moment, then returned her wide smile with one of his own. "Aye, that I do! Clasko here is second only to me in supporting the High Summoner!"

Rikku tilted her head, looking up between Clasko and O'aka. She wondered when people had begun calling her Uncle Braska a High Summoner, then decided that, in the end, everything was the same. She chose to ignore O'aka's comment and tugged at Clasko's shirt. "I'm hungry, Uncle Clasko. And I'll bet Auron's hungry, too, huh?" she turned back to the boy, who nodded vigorously.

O'aka lifted a brow at Clasko, plainly inquiring as to the familial reference. Clasko shrugged, and mouthed, '_later_' to the man; he himself was a little confused as to when Rikku and Auron had agreed to call him 'Uncle.' He doubted O'aka would leave him now, since his curiosity about the children had been piqued.

Clasko wondered if O'aka knew anything about potty training.

* * *

"Wow," O'aka breathed as Clasko finished his tale of meeting the children. Auron and Rikku were currently busy riding the chocobo (whom Clasko retrieved from the waterside, patiently cajoling as the animal squawked at being taken from her water supply) around the camp, having eaten to their heart's content of Clasko's remaining food stuffs. "And so the chocobo got ye over the mountains and ye camped out here?"

"Yeah," Clasko nodded. "I guess they were so thankful, they decided I was a nice guy and started calling me 'Uncle.'"

"Ye got a good heart, that's for sure," O'aka agreed.

Clasko made a noise of assent, then ventured, "Hey, O'aka? Do you know anything about kids?"

"Me, know anything about kids? Sure I do! Raised me brother and sister up and all, and had lots of cousins to boot! Was the oldest one of 'em, that I was, and had to help the old O'aka clan in taking care of 'em all."

"So, you know how to potty train and everything?" Clasko sighed in relief; maybe having O'aka around wouldn't be too terrible.

"Er," O'aka scratched his head, face contorted in concentration. "Well, er, toddlers weren't exactly my forte, since me mam didn't want me handling the tikes, but I know some bit. We can hammer out the details as we go. Auron's not potty-trained, I take it?"

"No, he was still wearing a diaper when I found him," Clasko informed him. "And I don't have any diapers, either. I wasn't exactly expecting on finding children when I came out to the Thunder Plains."

"Mm, true that," O'aka agreed. "Well, if we find some old cloths, we can use that to line his pants. Hopefully that'll keep it from getting too soiled."

"And, be sure to keep this quiet from Rikku," Clasko whispered to O'aka, looking around to ensure that the children were out of earshot. They were still riding the chocobo contently, though the feathery animal seemed to have lost a few feathers to the children. "She got into a temper last time when I focused too much on Auron. She might see this as even more attention."

"Aye, that girls do," O'aka nodded. "I remember me sister always being upset whenever me or Wantz left her out. It's important to treat 'em both equal, so they don't resent one another. By the way, did they 'appen to mention who was so quick on the uptake to name their children after the guardians? Rikku's too old to have been named after Lady Yuna's guardian, but Auron could've been named from Braska's pilgrimage."

"My guess is Rikku is a popular Al Bhed name," Clasko shrugged. "At least, it'll be even more popular now. And I agree about Auron, though he doesn't seem to understand how special his namesake is."

"Eh, kids never really understand the larger cares in life," O'aka told the man. "They'll be even more carefree, now that Sin's gone and they don't have to worry about venturin' too far from home. So, ye headin' up to the Calm Lands with the tikes, then?"

"Yeah," Clasko nodded. "I just . . . I just _know_ there's a place for a chocobo ranch up there."

"There's rumors floatin' around that they're building up a carnival in the Calm Lands," O'aka told the man. "I'm sure if they can do that, ye can start your ranch."

"Right!" Clasko pumped his fist. "And where are you going? Have you found a place to found your merchant empire?"

Hanging his head with a heavy sigh, O'aka shook his head. "Nah. Rin offered to sell me one of his Travel Agencies, but the price's too high for me right now. I gotta save up some before I can open up me shop."

Guilt nagged at Clasko as his brain betrayed him and came up with an idea. He tried to pretend it hadn't cropped up, that he was conveniently oblivious to his moment of genius, but watching as O'aka sat on the ground wretchedly made him give in to the thought. "How about we set up a joint shop? 'Clasko and O'aka's Chocobo Shop: We sell items, _and_ deliver all across the globe.'"

"'Ey now!" O'aka perked, eyes bright with excitement. "That's a great idea! We could make millions! I can handle the item-end of the business, and you deal with shipping. We just need to find a place to establish your ranch, and then we can set up a building to the side for the business!"

As O'aka began to outline even grander plans and muttering different names under his breath, Clasko directed his attention inward. Now that he had planted the seed in O'aka's head, an effect much like tearing a band-aid off, Clasko could see the benefits. Raising chocobos would be a pricy enterprise, but an item-shop could help waylay the costs.

Clasko grinned. He started to like the sound of a Chocobo Item Shop.

"Alright, then, let's start heading north to the Calm Lands," Clasko rose, dusting the seat of his pants. "Before we start up the shop, though, we'll need to focus on getting the young ones home."

"Aye, that we should," O'aka nodded, but hesitantly asked, "Could we, eh, bypass Bevelle, though? Since they stuck me in prison, I've kinda had a distinct dislike for those Yevon-dogs."

Pursing his lips, Clasko thought. That meant the soonest they could make any contact with people would be the Calm Lands. There had been notices hung at every Travel Agency and even a few official religious buildings (which were quickly torn down by overzealous Yevonites) that stated the Macalania Travel Agency would be shut down for some renovation, including an anti-fiend shield to encourage customers to shop there. Skipping Bevelle meant the children would miss a huge opportunity to reunite with their family.

Of course, Clasko could understand O'aka's reluctance to be caught anywhere near Yevon's principal city. Being arrested for supporting High Summoner Yuna would turn anyone off from Yevon and everything affiliated with the religion.

Clasko hoped the families would understand their preference to avoid Bevelle. If not, then a little hedging wouldn't hurt. He would just need to impress on Rikku and Auron the importance of keeping their real starting point quiet.

"Okay," Clasko assured O'aka. "We'll leave Bevelle off our itinerary. Alright, you two!" Clasko shouted to the children, which signaled for the chocobo to trot over to the man. "We're going to leave now, for the north. I don't know if you picked it up, but this is O'aka. He's going to be traveling with us from now on, okay? If there's any trouble, and I'm not around, you go to him, okay?"

Rikku readily agreed with a bright smile and a, "Hi, Uncle O'aka!" but it took Auron a moment to nod his shy consent. Wondering at his timidity, Clasko put it aside and decided to let O'aka break the ice between he and the boy on his own. "Alright, let's go. I'm going to try to catch another chocobo on the way, so we don't have to keep walking and burdening the chocobo. Is that alright with you, O'aka?"

"It'd be a good start to our new business," O'aka agreed, then bit his lip. "'Ey, Clasko?"

"Yeah?"

"About the business . . . Ye sure it ought to be 'Clasko and O'aka's Incredible Chocobo Market'? How about '_O'aka_ and _Clasko_'s Extraordinary Chocobo Superstore?'"

* * *

I haven't written O'aka before, and I am having an unnaturally hard time finding his dialogue on the Internet. I apologize for any butchering of his character.


	11. Promises of the Future

Writer's block is the biggest bully around. Seriously.

I hope to put up another chapter before next Friday (June 9th) but this all depends on if the writer's block has finally let me be. If not, I will try to post a new chapter as soon as possible. Internet connection might be terrible, though, since I am leaving school for the summer and the home connection is way worse.

_

* * *

_

_Chapter 11: Promises of the Future_

"Neither Lucil nor Elma have heard from or seen Clasko since before Sin's defeat," Lulu announced as she entered the airship's bridge, where the rest of the party awaited. "They promised to contact us if and when they find him."

"Rin's no help," Cid informed everyone, ripping off the headset and throwing it forcibly to the ground. "He says he'll get his contacts at the Travel Agencies to keep an eye out, but he's starting to sell all of 'em to make way for a new enterprise. He even tried to sell one to that O'aka character!"

"Damn," Wakka punched a fist into his palm. "Who else could possibly know Clasko?"

"Wantz?" Tidus tried, scratching his head. "But, we don't know where _he_ is either. What about . . . uh, well, there's . . . someone help me out here!"

Yuna bit her lip, worrying it between her teeth. "What about Shelinda? O-or Dona and Barthello? Maybe they have seen Clasko around."

A man tapped rapidly at the consoles near the pilot's seat, a man Tidus remembered vaguely from Brother's rushed introductions seven months prior as Buddy. There was a pause as the machina whirred and the console flashed, but Buddy turned to them and said in traditional Spiran, "I haven't got a trace of either Dona or Barthello, but I've located Shelinda. She's on the line."

Scurrying around Buddy's station and causing the man to flinch and shrink into his seat, Tidus and Yuna took the forefront of the group and saw Shelinda's image on the screen. Shelinda seemed reluctant to be near the machina, but when she saw Yuna's face she brightened considerably and cheerfully said, "Hello, Lady Yuna! It's great to see you!"

"The same to you, Shelinda," Yuna bowed her head briefly. "Shelinda, I hate to be abrupt, but have you seen Clasko? It's an emergency."

"Clasko?" Shelinda tilted her head, finger on her chin. "Hm, well, I haven't seen him in a while, but I did see him as I was traveling up to Bevelle to try and repair Yevon. Did you know, they have _machina_ here in the city! Actual machina, like what the Al Bhed have! It's such a crime against our doctrines—"

"Shelinda, focus," Tidus interrupted. "Where did you see Clasko?"

"Oh, I saw him east of Guadosalam, in the far south Thunder Plains region," Shelinda blinked curiously. "He was saying something about finding a chocobo and opening a ranch. He said he was going to head up north to the Calm Lands when he caught a chocobo. Or was it south to Mi'ihen Highroad? No, no, it must have been the Calm Lands, because he was talking about carnivals, and did you know they are opening a _carnival_ up in the Calm Lands? Such a place of history precious to Yevon and they're going to open games there! I heard they were going to use _fiends_ as part of their entertainment!"

"We never would have known without your help," Lulu put in dryly. "How long ago did you see Clasko?"

Shelinda looked over her shoulder for a minute as someone outside their vision addressed her, and she shook her head and replied inaudibly. Then she returned her attention to the party. "It was a week ago. I remember because that's when Maroda asked me out on a _date_! I almost said yes, but then I realized I had to go to Bevelle and he was heading down to Mushroom Rock. Still, it was flattering—"

"Shelinda!" everyone exclaimed.

"Oops, sorry," Shelinda bowed sheepishly. "But yes, it was most definitely a week ago. I tried to convince Clasko to join me on my trip to Yevon, but he thought that the church wouldn't allow him to open his chocobo ranch. It was pretty saddening."

Tidus nodded, thinking privately that Clasko may have had more reasons than simply his chocobo-fetish (for once) for avoiding Yevon's grip. He let Shelinda have her blissful ignorance, though, and thanked her for the information.

"Oh, no problem," Shelinda grinned. "Farewell, Lady Yuna! And feel free to return to Bevelle at any time! We'll be happy to have you!"

Yuna maintained a forced, perky smile until the transmission ended, after which the smile disappeared in a blink of an eye. "I won't be happy to have Bevelle for a good long while yet," she whispered almost too quietly for Tidus to hear. He smiled encouragingly at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing gently.

"Alright then!" Cid shouted per his usual way, striding to the sphere oscillo-finder in the center of the bridge. "If Clasko was here," he used a stylus to hover over the southern-most edge of the Thunder Plains and east of Guadosalam, as Shelinda said, "a week ago, and he was here yesterday, then his rate of travel with a chocobo should land him . . . right . . . here!" He jabbed the stylus near the entrance of Macalania Woods, going straight through the holographic map. "This is where we're gonna find Auron and Rikku!"

Seated in the pilot's chair, Brother twirled around and exclaimed, "Whaa—Rikku! Oui sayh so meddma cecdan Rikku? Oui dumt sa cra fyc yd Bikanel unkyhewehk aqlyjydeuhc fedr Gippal!" (_You mean my little sister Rikku? You told me she was at Bikanel organizing excavations with Gippal!_)

Sighing, Cid glared at his son who had abandoned his station. "I lied, oui pnyd. She went and got herself into trouble again, this time with that overgrown, red-fetish idiot of a—" (_you brat_)

"Uncle Cid!" Yuna admonished.

"—Er, I meant . . . Auron," Cid substituted reluctantly.

Brother seemed no less insulted that he had been left out of the loop, and with a cry border lining an indignant wail he stormed to his father, jerking his arms and crying out in gibberish that didn't even qualify as Al Bhed. Before Cid could retaliate with a smack upside Brother's head, Buddy grabbed his friend by the shoulders and forcefully steered him out of the bridge. Brother's loud yelling slowly melted into the ruckus of the airship's engines.

"Annoying brat," Cid muttered under his breath. "Can't stand the girl when she's around, and yet throws a tizzy when he finds she's not here. Tyshat hiecyhla." (_Damned nuisance._)

"Cid, he's only worried for his sister," Lulu reminded the older man.

"Ya, it's what older brothers do," Wakka put in. "I did the same thing with my own brother. Don't be so hard on him, ya?"

Grumbling, Cid snapped, "I'll deal with my own brats. You better worry about what you're gonna do when _yours_ start acting up."

Wakka blinked, taken aback. He hadn't thought that far ahead of Lulu's pregnancy, but pondering over it now made him a bit queasy. Fathers had never impacted his life before, so how would he know what to do with his own child?

Sensing his rapidly-increasing anxiety, Lulu put a hand on Wakka's arm and whispered in his ear, "Wakka, relax. Eight months before a baby is due is too long in advance to think about disciplining young children. I have confidence in your abilities as a good husband _and_ a good father."

Tilting his head slightly to her, Wakka whispered back, "Ya think so?"

Lulu arched a brow. "I know so, Wakka. And I will never waiver in that belief."

The others had gathered around the sphere oscillo-finder as they spoke, discussing where best to intercept Clasko and the children. Kimahri finally proclaimed, "Take five hours to reach Macalania. Get food, get rest. No can retrieve children if tired."

"But—" Cid started, wanting to take as much action as possible. A level glare from Kimahri, however, stopped Cid in his tracks.

"Kimahri's right," Yuna nodded. "We need rest and food if we're going to—if we want to take good care of Auron and Rikku."

Nods of consent from all around, everyone turned and headed out of the bridge with the kitchen in mind as the destination. As Tidus followed everyone out, however, he watched as Yuna went the opposite way, heading for her room, with a wilted look to her. Looking between the larger group and the solitary figure, Tidus turned and followed.

* * *

She ought to be in the kitchen getting something to eat. But the thought of Rikku and Auron, as defenseless children, out in the world alone diminished her appetite extravagantly. 

Sighing heavily and leaning her head against the tightly-sealed window, Yuna watched as the clouds swept past beneath the airship. She wondered if Auron and Rikku were safe and warm.

_Of course they are_, Yuna chastised herself. _Clasko wouldn't let harm come to them. Unlike us, who lose them almost every chance we let them out of our sight._

"Yuna?" the one voice she both wanted desperately and loathed to hear intruded on her thoughts. She turned to the door, where the light from outside the room cast a dark shadow over Tidus' frame. "What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, nothing really," Yuna played it off, rocking back and forth with her arms locked around her knees. "Just thinking."

"And taking everything on your shoulders, right?" Tidus accused gently, leaving the door to sit beside her. The door shut noiselessly.

Yuna aimed her face downward, away from Tidus. "Sorry. I guess . . . I guess I do that a lot, huh?"

"Yeah, well, that's what made you a good summoner," Tidus nudged her. "But you can't do it all the time. You've got us to carry you. We're gonna help, whether you like it or not." He tilted his head curiously, then angled her head toward him by her chin. "What brought all these thoughts on, anyway?"

Yuna's eyes saddened. "Auron and Rikku . . . they're out there without us. We swore we'd take care of them, of each other, but instead we lose them. We've lost them twice now, and they've gotten into so many scrapes . . . what kind of parent am I, that I can't take care of two children?"

"Hey," Tidus protested. "For one thing, it's _Auron_ and _Rikku_. Trouble goes wherever they do, if they're adults or children. I mean, fiends practically flocked around Auron all the time back in Zanarkand! And Rikku, sheesh, being a thief isn't exactly a safe profession—thievery being against the law and all that—and plus she actually operated a machina _under water_ to kidnap you. Electricity and water don't mix in the first place, and she tried swiping you out from under her own guardians' noses!"

"And number two?" Yuna prompted with a weak smile at his logic.

"Number two? Ah, well, for number two you're a new parent! Just like most of us! When we get our own kids, we'll have way more experience and take care of them better! So this is just a learning experience!"

Five seconds after he blurted that out, Tidus realized what he had said and froze with apprehension. However, Yuna's smile strengthened. "'When we get our own kids?'" Yuna repeated. "Is that a promise?"

Sensing that Yuna was neither angry at his assumption nor overzealous about the prospect of children, Tidus went on, "Yeah, sure! We'll settle down, get married, and have lots of kids! O-or, at least, one boy and girl," Tidus scratched his head. "And then we gotta have a dog, because dogs are awesome! Or, hey, maybe a dolphin! And we can name him Mr. Dolphin!"

Giggling, Yuna nearly replied when a knock resounded from the other side. Wakka shouted, "'Ey! Anyone in there? We got lots of sandwiches and soup ready to be eaten, and I can't have an eating contest without my number one competitor, ya?"

"We're there!" Tidus hollered, pumping a fist needlessly. He turned and grabbed Yuna's hand, pulling the woman to her feet. "Yuna, I promise you: we're gonna find Rikku and Auron, and we won't lose them again. And then we'll settle down, and have a family. I will keep this promise, like Auron has kept his own, like Kimahri has, and like Rikku has."

He leaned in swiftly and kissed her. As he pulled her out the door, Yuna smiled brightly. _I believe in you, Tidus. I always have, and I always will._

_But we are **not** having a pet dolphin._

_

* * *

_

Let's hope for the best for an update by next Friday. If not, I apologize profusely and hope that the next update will be totally awesome to make up for it.


	12. Fire or Ice: A Life Ends in Fire

A/N: Since I got this chapter done a weekend or two ago, I was frantically trying to figure out how to get my laptop connected to the Internet. Sadly, my Flash Drive failed me quite soundly and connecting directly to my broadband access thingamabob was more of a hindrance than a help. So...just for you readers, I typed up all 4,391 words (not including A/N's) on my PC. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

_Chapter 12: Fire or Ice: A Life Ends in Fire_

Being a desert-bred girl, Rikku had higher tolerance of the heat than most Spirans, save all other Al Bheds. She could traipse in the sand and gallivant all around Home for hours without breaking a sweat, whereas many Spirans who came to visit (one man who came vividly to mind was her dearest Uncle Braska whom her father seemed to hate so much) rushed for shelter as quickly as possible whenever they came to Bikanel Island, for whatever reason they had.

Of course, having the curious mind that she did, Rikku lost most interest in the desert by the age of four (though not in the absolutely coolest treasure she dug up in the sands) and wondered what the rest of Spira was like. Her father said that there were places were the sun _never_ shined, high in the mountains, which amazed Rikku to no end. She wanted to see that place desperately, and play in that mythical "snow" thing Brother talked about.

While Macalania Woods had none of that snow stuff, it certainly wasn't pouring sunshine. Or hot.

In fact, Rikku was colder than she had ever been in her life.

"Rikku, if you put anymore layers on, you won't be able to move," Clasko told the girl as she put on O'aka's last remaining coat–her third layer, which came after her own clothes and Clasko's last clean shirt. "Not that it really matters with you riding the chocobo, but you should still try and keep some mobility."

"But I'm _cold_ Uncle Clasko!" Rikku told him, chattering her teeth for effect. "It's _never_ this cold at Home!"

"Well, lookit Auron," O'aka motioned. "He seems mighty fine."

Auron seemed to make do with O'aka's coat for warmth, but Rikku figured that since he had lived in Bevelle before, and Bevelle was farther north than Macalania, he was used to the cold weather. Ergo, O'aka's evidence was dismissible.

"Unky Clasko?" Auron said softly, staring up at the trees with wide eyes, "isth the twee alive?"

Clasko paused, looking around at their surroundings. The huge forms of the plant life stood as imperial as ever, though the sound of water dripping filled the air. The majestic crystal shards of the Woods were beginning to melt. "Well, I bet underneath all the crystal there's something that grows. It seems that the reports are all correct and the Woods are melting. I wonder why."

"Ah, that's all hogwash," O'aka brushed it off. "Macalania's just goin' through a warm season, 'tis all. Happens all the time. The crystal melts under some heat, but then it'll get even colder and all the crystal will be right back, mark me words! I mean," he laughed, "it's not like the Woods are gonna _sink_ or anything."

"Colder?" Rikku gulped. "Isn't it already cold? How can it get any colder?"

"Aye, lass, colder," O'aka nodded, looking her over with a critical eye. "Best ye not go up to Mt. Gagazet til you get some heavy winter clothes. It's even colder than these here Woods."

Rikku shivered impressively, burrowing further into Clasko's fur-trimmed, shoopuf-lined coat and holding Auron close in order to share warmth. As the chocobo trotted along, following Clasko and O'aka obediently, Auron twisted his head to watch an enormous oak blend into the darkness behind them.

As he blinked, and stared curiously, the two eyes he had noticed that led to his inquiry about the tree's liveliness blinked and disappeared. Confused by what Clasko had told him and what his common sense said, Auron shrugged the eyes aside and complied with Rikku's demands to sit properly.

Breaching the Woods and heading further in, Auron continued to feel as though the trees were watching him and his companions. He began to whimper and huddle closer to Rikku, and twice Clasko and O'aka mistook his discomfort as an accident. Befuddled when they found no mess to clean up and yet Auron remained distressed, they could do no more than replace Auron on the chocobo and ask Rikku if she was prodding Auron as a joke. The girl shook her head firmly, huffing at them due to the indignity of being blamed.

Auron was not the only one anxious in the Woods. The chocobo's footsteps were beginning to slow and falter, and several times it took Clasko's endearing coaxes to get the chocobo to continue. Before they had made it very far past the entrance to Macalania the chocobo had had enough. She stopped obstinately at the shining orb (something Auron and Rikku would have recognized better as a sphere of safety, if they had been their older selves) near the three-way fork with a path leading high above the treetops, refusing to go further and squawking every time Clasko tried to nudge his beloved steed along.

"What's wrong with her?" O'aka asked as Clasko gave up bribing the chocobo with stale pieces of trail mix. "She seemed alright with goin' to the Calm Lands before."

"I don't know," Clasko scratched his head. "In the Chocobo Knights, when chocobos acted like this, there were fiends about. But, they were trained to react that way–I think. Elma did most of the training, and I came in late so I didn't see most of the training. This is the first time I've really dealt with a wild chocobo."

"Ye think," O'aka looked around nervously, handling his bag like a makeshift weapon, "there's a fiend about?"

Before Clasko could answer Auron reached over and tugged at his sleeve. "Unky Clasko, how come some twees have eyes and not others?" he asked plaintively.

The adults froze. "Auron," Clasko breathed, trying not to make any sudden movements, "where do you see a tree with eyes? Don't point too obviously, just . . . just in the general direction."

Picking up on the tense atmosphere, Rikku wrapped her arms around Auron's torso tightly as the boy pointed in a southerly direction. The boy's eyes were wide and teary as he, too, sensed the tension.

Scanning the area, Clasko spotted the abnormality in the environment. Beady eyes peered out, well above his head and seemingly from the trees. A trout-like tail swished into view, and when the tail moved back Clasko could see a horn and the left-side of a flat-faced fish.

"What . . . is that?" O'aka whispered; he also found the fiend amongst the trees.

"Maelspike," Clasko replied, near-silent. "But, those fiends live on Mt. Gagazet, and are smaller. What are they doing down in Macalania?"

"Uncle Clasko?" Rikku's trembling voice brought Clasko back to their predicament. "What do we do?"

"We can't outrun it," O'aka reasoned, gulping quite noticeably. "Maybe if we just . . . ignore it, pretend it's not there, it'll leave us be."

"The chocobo won't move, though," Clasko attempted to tug the reins again. The chocobo reared her head back and squalled, but moved her feet not an inch. "We can't leave her behind; she'll be fish food!"

"And we won't?" O'aka hissed pointedly, but yelped when the fiend moved out of the shadows. It apparently had stalked them enough to whet its appetite and swum through the air toward the four humans and chocobo.

"Ah, oh no," Clasko twisted his head around, searching for a suitable weapon. He picked up a branch from the ground and swiped at the fiend, but cried in dismay when the feeble branch broke into pieces under his grip. The former Knight felt panic rising in his chest as he found no other replacement to hold the fiend at bay.

Cursing fluently, though the words were lost in the screaming of Auron and Rikku and the frantic shrieking of the chocobo, O'aka climbed onto the chocobo behind Rikku and Auron and held out his hand to Clasko. "Let's get out of here!"

"The chocobo can't carry that much weight!" Clasko protested, but when the fiend began to pick up its pace Clasko fumbled on quickly. As the chocobo began to flap her wings uselessly, O'aka took his hat off his head and slapped it hard against her rump.

Shocked at the unexpected hit so close, the chocobo gave one final, pitched, "Wark!" and ran pell-mell deeper into the Woods. The chocobo's speed was greatly reduced due to the weight on her back, but her endurance apparently outdid the fiend; they left the aerial monster behind as the chocobo fled the beaten path and ran in a simple, straight line through all the brush, stumps, and crystal in her trajectory.

"We need to get her to stop!" Clasko shouted as he began to slip off the rear of the chocobo.

"I know how to make 'em go, but ye have to tell me how to stop her!" O'aka cried back as he held the children between his arms, his hands gripping the reins for dear life.

"Birdie sthop!" Auron tried to help, patting the chocobo's neck in what the frightened animal thought as only more hitting.

"I'll give you green things if you stooooop!" Rikku squealed, eyes screwed shut as she held Auron in a death-grip.

The chocobo's tiny ears twitched. The hind claws in her feet dug into the ground, her wings spreading wide to balance herself as she came to an abrupt, unanticipated stop. The children gasped as they rocked forward and back, cushioned by the firmly-seated O'aka and the chocobo's feathery neck.

Clasko, unfortunately, lost what little grip he had on O'aka's trouser-hem and fell to the ground behind the chocobo. His breath whooshed out as the small of his back connected with something hard and jagged. Groaning and reaching underneath him, Clasko extracted the offending rock and tossed it aside with more spite than necessary.

"Good chocobo!" Rikku clapped, happy that the frantic pace through the Woods had come to an end. She smoothed some feathers on the chocobo's neck, cooing, "Uncle Clasko was right, you _are_ smart!"

The chocobo warbled, nudging her beak against Rikku's chest. Realizing what the animal wanted, Rikku dug through the jade-green pouch out of the five she had buckled onto her limbs (an assortment of ocean blue-, sun yellow-, opal white-, and tangerine orange-colored pouches in addition to the jade-colored) and pulled out four green, root-looking items with a frayed, leafy top. "There you go! Just for you!"

"Rikku!" Clasko exclaimed, gaping at the food she was feeding the chocobo. "Where did you find those?"

Rikku froze, growing worried that she wasn't supposed to feed the chocobo the plants in her palm. "They were–they were just lying on the ground, Uncle Clasko. They weren't even in t-treasure chest. I didn't think they w-were bad, I just wanted to pick them up a-and look at them later and I thought the chocobo would like t-to eat one. Please don't be mad at _meeee_," she ended in a wail, beginning to cry. Seeing Rikku's tears, Auron joined her with cries that were more loud than honest.

"Ah, great, now lookit what ye've done!" O'aka griped, trying to appease the children by rubbing their backs; it had worked on his own cousins, but apparently not for these two.

"Rikku, Rikku, I'm sorry!" Clasko hurried to stand and hug the girl. "I'm not mad! Really! Those things you just fed the chocobo are Gyshal greens, they're very good for the chocobo!"

Tears stopping, Rikku blinked at him with a trembling lower lip; Auron's sniffles only stopped when hers did. "Really?" she asked.

"Yeah," Clasko nodded, holding back his sigh of relief. He _hated_ it when children cried; it always made him feel guilty. "I haven't been able to find any of those _anywhere_. Do you have more?"

"Uh huh!" Rikku nodded, fishing out of her pockets a handful of more greens. "Auron's got some, too! I got him started on his treasure-hunting back in the Thunder Plains, when Uncle O'aka found us and you and Uncle O'aka had to talk grown-up stuff. Did you know, Auron's parents _never_ told him how much fun treasure-hunting is! I showed him how to do it, and he was really good at it, and so we went by the muddy water, and that's where we found these! Go on, Auron, give Uncle Clasko your planty stuff!"

Happy to do something nice for his wonderful uncle, Auron took out his own greens from a red leather pouch Rikku had given to him and buckled onto the waist-band of his shorts ("Because I think red suits you best, Auron!") with a huge smile. His greens were a bit more squashed, though Clasko suspected it might have been due to Rikku's grip on the boy than his poor handling.

Mashed or not, the chocobo saw the extra greens and attempted to take them all. She managed to nab one fo the squished greens, but Clasko hid away the rest in his pack before she could eat anymore. With the greens out of sight and the danger gone, the chocobo acquiesced to the humans calmly and began to root at the ground for anything else tasty to eat.

"Alright, kids, let's get ye down from here and have a lil rest," O'aka suggested, lifting Rikku up and hauling her right leg over the chocobo's back, handing her to Clasko. "I'm not sure about ye, but I think I've done enough travelin' for one day."

Clasko and Rikku agreed, though Auron twisted his face into a pensive look. He angled his head up to O'aka, brown eyes blinking with the childish consideration that the merchant knew so well–something was wrong. "What is it, Auron?" O'aka prompted.

Auron played with his shirt for a moment, then looked back up at O'aka. "I'm sthinky, Unky O'aka," he pronounced the name slowly, not quite able to say all the syllables as fluidly as Clasko.

The two men blinked, Clasko sighing and O'aka chuckling. "Well, we did need to get you potty-trained," Clasko admitted tiredly. "This is the next step, I suppose."

"Here, ye take the tyke and I'll help him get cleaned up," O'aka took pity on the poor man, handing down Auron by his armpits. "Ye just get a camp arranged, and make sure Rikku gets some treasure for her very gracious donation, right?" he tweaked her nose, causing her to giggle and spin, rushing around the immediate area with her pent-up glee that they were all alive. O'aka paused as he shifted in his seat, realizing something else. "Eh, besides . . . Auron may not be the only one who needs a change."

* * *

Once Auron's mess had been cleaned up and O'aka changed his own pants, the two returned to the makeshift camp Clasko had arranged. He had dragged four logs into a square, putting a small, manageable fire in the center. His tent had been set up, and O'aka's thin sleeping blanket had been laid out by the fire for the man's rest. He had reined the chocobo close enough to the fire for the animal to keep warm, but far enough away that the occasional spark of cinders would not frighten her and cause her to run away. 

The last of the merchant's food (a clay jar of raw and assorted vegetables and preserved meat) were being divided into four servings, though two of them were a bit more than the other half. He broke off some crystal from a nearby tree and put the shards into a pot from O'aka's bag. He hung the pot over the fire using a spit (over which he fought and swore silently as it refuse to remain upright for quite some time), melting the shards and boiling the resulting water.

Rikku busied herself (and stayed out of Clasko's way) by taking apart his peculiar knife-set, marveling at the tiny screwdriver, file, and other assortment of miniaturized tools that folded with the knife into a compact, oblong disc. She crowed that the Al Bhed could take the invention and make it even better, unaware that the foldable knife-set _was_ of Al Bhed origins.

Clasko put her remarks aside as adolescent ignorance, though he wondered how a girl (who seemed to know the Al Bhed's inner workings and hold it in such high regard) could not know about one of the primary implements in an Al Bhed's tool belt. He himself had accepted the knife-set from an Al Bhed named Nhadala, who had felt obliged to pay him back for giving her some gil to pass safely through Guadosalam several months ago, before Lady Yuna's Calm had begun and the Guado had imposed an entrance tax on Al Bheds for safe entry into their namesake city.

"Alright, let's all sit down and eat our supper," O'aka let out a content huff as he plopped to the ground, grunting as Auron chose to make his lap his own seat. Rikku loathed leaving the knife-set, but at Clasko's warning to take it away and let Auron feed the chocobo without her, she joined them around the fire. She also utilized Clasko's lap as her seat. The men shrugged at each other and ate their meals silently, thinking they would have some peace and quiet at last.

Their silent meal did not stay silent for long. Rikku kicked up a fuss about the vegetables, and Auron refused to eat the meat when it became apparent two chews would not suffice. The men rolled their eyes at Rikku's fussiness and wheedled her into eating more vegetables by wafting a very new and intriguing gadget at her (O'aka's one remaining item that he could sell: a fancy Yevonite paperweight with a built-in clock). Clasko, inspired by the medics who had needed to adjust the food for the wounded Knights and civilians who could not chew properly, filled the clay jar that had held the vegetables with some of his crystal-melted water and dropped Auron's dry meat in to soak and soften.

After the meal-turned-battle-turned-science experiment (Rikku wondered what else could soften in the water containing Auron's meat, and had attempted to use bugs as test subjects while the boy's food was still in the jar) Clasko and O'aka tried to shoo the children to bed. They found, unfortunately, that no matter how many times they put Auron in the tent or how often they threatened to take away Rikku's new knife-set, they could not get the children to sleep.

They gave up, and allowed Auron to watch Rikku with horrendously-focused eyes as she chipped away at a log Clasko had intended to use for a pillow. The girl kept up a running dialogue of what she was doing, putting in at moments that, 'Tytto always told me to scrape _away_ from me, because I might scrape too far and the knife'll get stuck in me and that's just a big no-no, 'cause tuldunc don't work miracles and Yevon would just like us to all stick sharp pointy things in our arms and we don't want to make Yevon happy because he's a pyt, pyt man," and how bugs were not fiends because, "Brother did an s'periment once, where he killed a whole buncha ants, and I didn't want him to do that, 'cause that seemed mean, but their pyreflies were all kinda a happy red, not like fiends that are all mean and dark." (_doctors; bad_)

All in all, the end of their day wasn't as terrible as Clasko had thought it could be. Especially in light of the very-near fiend attack. So he let the children have their play and settled against a different log to the right of O'aka. He began to drift asleep, head tilting ever so slowly down . . .

Until a hand on his shoulder made him jerk and flail about with a, "Huh? Whaa?"

"Shh," O'aka whispered, putting a finger to his lips.

Clasko looked about furiously, deducing that he could not have slept long; the fire still burned bright and the children had not lost interest in the log or the bugs yet. "What's going on, O'aka?" Clasko mumbled, irritably wiping his eyes.

"The chocobo's actin' weird again," O'aka motioned to the animal.

Clasko twisted to look behind him. Sure enough, the chocobo had gone deathly still and was eyeing the dark beyond doggedly. "Oh no," Clasko moaned. "We don't even have any weapons at all. What are we going to do?"

"We got fire," O'aka pointed out. "We just need to make sure the children and chocobo are outta the way first."

"Fire is rather close-range, don't you think?" Clasko pointed out as he and O'aka edged to the children. They left the chocobo where it cowered, both deciding the animal wouldn't move even if they both pulled with all their strength. "Unless you can throw it or cast it. Can you cast it? Like Lulu?"

"Not for me life, I don't," O'aka shook his head. "But I ain't hearin' ye come up with anything better."

"Uncle Clasko?" Rikku's voice made them jerk, which only made her more confused. "Uncle O'aka? How come you're acting all jumpy?"

"Uh, well, we're going to play a little game," Clasko chuckled in what he hoped was a light manner. "It's called, 'Stay by the chocobo.' Whoever stays by the chocobo the longest gets to have the next–"

The children didn't learn what the winner would get for playing his spur-of-the-moment game. The supposed-Maelspike from before burst into view, sending the chocobo into a fit of panicked squalling and the children screaming.

Clasko and O'aka shoved the children behind them, both regarding the fiend in terror. The fiend truly was bigger than any Maelspike Clasko had seen in his (admittedly short) stint as a Knight. The horns also seemed sharper and blacker, though Clasko wondered hysterically if that was simply his fear exaggerating the fiend's deadliness.

"This is bad!" O'aka howled as the fiend flicked and swished closer. "We gotta do something, Clasko!"

Desperately trying to take everything into account, Clasko grabbed a branch, stuck one end into the fire, and threw the branch with a shouted, "Take _that_!"

The branch twirled in the air, throwing off sparks as the flames consumed the entire branch. Clasko, in his mind, thought that the branch was falling in a strangely slow arc toward the fiend.

With one tail twitch, the fiend moved aside and the branch landed on the ground, the flames dying in a soft _poof_ and a cloud of smoke.

"Well," O'aka gulped and clapped the rancher on the shoulder as Clasko backed up to him, "that was a nice shot, lad. Better than anything I ever coulda done."

The fiend drifted closer, and instinctively the men backed away, driving the children to the edge of the fire's light. "Auron, Rikku," Clasko whispered as they avoided the fiend, "when I say 'now,' you two run away from here, quickly. Like you did from the witch; remember the witch? Go to a place called the Calm Lands, you'll find help there."

"But what about you and Uncle O'aka?" Rikku asked piteously, holding Auron close. "We can't leave you."

"Ye are gonna have to, lass," O'aka told her, his accent becoming heavier as fear blanked out his mind. "Run hard an' fast, like the wind! An' don't stop for any Yevon-dogs, ye hear?"

"No wanna run," Auron sniffled. "Wanna stay with Unky Clasko and Unky O'aka and birdie!"

"Rikku, Auron, just do as we say and ru–" Clasko stopped, completely bewildered as he saw something in the sky. "What the hell is that?"

His answer came in the form of flaming meteorites, bombarding the fiend one after the other. The fiend roared as it tried to swim out of the sudden shower of meteors, but rock after rock fell on top of the fiend, preventing any sort of escape.

Shouting in astonishment, O'aka and Clasko fell back, bringing the children down to the ground with them. They didn't even have time to cover the children before the fiend finally gave a dying croak and turned belly-up.

Far too surprised to feel any immediate sense of relief, the humans could only watch the ground crackle with the dying embers of the meteor shower. Their attention quickly changed focus as something moved in the bushes.

Yellow and gold stood out starkly from the blues, whites, and blacks of the forest, and a cheerful "Wa-_ark_!" greeted them. A chocobo stood before the carnage, beak opening and closing as it very obviously took pride in the destruction of the fiend.

Their chocobo poked her head up from the spot she had cowered in, head cocking as she regarded the new chocobo. The newcomer chocobo wandered over to her, head tilted inquisitively. The two adults later suspected the new chocobo had only summoned the meteors in an attempt to save the other chocobo, irregardless of anyone else who might be nearby and benefit from the quick save.

O'aka, Clasko, and the children stared at the new chocobo that had come so thunderously, trotting around their own chocobo curiously and warbling softly. The fiend faded from view behind the chocobo, the pyreflies floating to the sky above.

O'aka turned to Clasko slowly and asked in a squeaking voice, "Did ye know a chocobo could do that?"

Clasko shook his head mutely, his Chocobo Ranch developing bit by bit from a simple Item-Delivery and Transport service-provider to Transport, Item-Delivery, and Property-Security business. "I-I never knew–Not even the chocobos in the Chocobo Knights ever did something like that!"

"It's another pwetty birdie," Auron informed them all needlessly, pointing with a stubby finger and hopping up and down. He showed no signs of lingering fear from their close-encounter, and in fact seemed to want nothing more than to pet the new chocobo.

"Maybe it's a boy birdie," Rikku speculated aloud, tapping her protruding lower lip thoughtfully; she, too, had recovered from her fright. "And then they can have little birdies! And they can tell all their little birdies about how they fell in love when the Daddy birdie saved the Mommy birdie from the _eeevil_ fiend that tried to eat us up–Uncle Clasko, are you okay?"

Clasko had been twitching since the realization dawned upon him that chocobos could perform spells like Meteor, and Rikku's question seemed to have snapped him out of his trance. He sprang up from h is sprawl, began to pat his clothes down frantically, and shouted, "The greens! The greens! I need greens!"

* * *

A/N Notes to clarify up above everything I couldn't within the story. 

Slightly misleading title; a proper title would have been "Unlife," but that just wouldn't be quite so dramatic. Hehe, I'm a bad author, yes I am.

When I first wrote this chapter, I thought that all the crystal in Macalania was ice. Thus, the Woods were "melting," fading (or sinking) away like it says in FFX-2. However, my sister called me on it and after researching I found she was right. I tried to fix things up, but if it seems iffy in some areas, you know why.

The chocobos in this fic say "Wark," rather than "Kweh" of the new-age chocobos because I feel the former is more avian. I didn't really pay attention to what the chocobos said in FFX/-2, so if it is "wark" then you can totally ignore this note.

If you're completely baffled as to how the new chocobo cast a Meteor spell, it comes from FFX-2. The chocobos you attempt to catch have a slight habit of casting "Choco-Meteo," which is not always so entertaining. Especially when you're nearly dead/have low HP and are not expecting such an attack.

The "Maelspike" that stalked the quartet in this chapter is actually a Dinictus, signifying the start of the fiends' migration all over Spira as evidenced by FFX-2. Clasko and co. couldn't properly identify the Dinictus because none of them can cast Scan. Really small details that aren't really so special, but it's the little things that show how the games are connected.


	13. Picking Up the Trail

And now...an update for _Crash Course Parenting_!

crickets chirp, dogs scratch fleas, and squirrels continue to attack poor college students for their lunches

Yeah. It's been a while, and I apologize heartily. I thought my summer and winter breaks would be more productive, but...they weren't. I was bound and determined, however, to update this fic before _CCP_'s birthday rolled around and, lo and behold, I did.

I'd let you all know exactly how far this story is going, but...well, that's the author's privilege of knowing and withholding information, heh.

_

* * *

_

_Chapter 13: Picking Up the Trail_

Tidus screeched to a halt just within the doors to the bridge, huffing as he thrust a fist into his side to relieve his cramp. He had taken the distance between the kitchen and bridge at his fastest pace, regrettably leaving Yuna and the party behind. But when Buddy had announced over the intercom just minutes before that he had found something, all Tidus could think of was being present to advance the search for Auron and Rikku.

"You . . . you found something . . . Buddy?" Tidus gasped as he lurched to Buddy's seat, leaning on the back of his seat heavily.

"Uh, yeah," Buddy frowned at Tidus before shrugging the blitzer's habits aside and returning to the computer screen before him. "Take a look at this. Pyreflies from a fiend rose up from the lower section of Macalania Woods just ten minutes ago."

Frowning himself, Tidus asked, "So, what's the big deal? Don't fiends go up in a smoke of pyreflies everyday?"

"Not unless someone kills it off," Buddy replied. "On the very rare occasion, fiends dissipate on their own, but that's one fiend in every six thousand."

"Sooo . . . not very likely," Tidus didn't need to be excellent at math to understand that much.

"Yep. So, what makes _this_ occasion very interesting is that only _one_ fiend bit the bullet in this area."

Scratching his head and feeling irritated with Buddy for piquing his hopes, Tidus growled, "What's so special about that? We used to encounter lots of fiends one at a time on the pilgrimage when we were training."

"_But_," Buddy interrupted, "you always fought lots of fiends within a span of an hour during training, right? On average, say, thirty or forty?"

"More like sixty or seventy," Wakka broke into the conversation, also wheezing. The party was coming in behind the man, and each of them were in varying stages of breathlessness. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"As I was telling Tidus," Buddy motioned to his screen, "One fiend went to the Farplane _in the last hour_. Only _one_."

Tidus exchanged a look with Yuna, finding her just as confused as he was. Wakka seemed equally clueless, and Lulu's brows were furrowed as she worked out the riddle mentally. Cid fidgeted and mumbled under his breath, his dark look growing stormier as the answer continued to elude him.

Kimahri was the first to understand. "Fiend not pass away naturally. Not wanderer training. Fiend attack party, party kill fiend."

"And _who_ do we know is in Macalania Woods?" Buddy goaded.

Startled looks of understanding passed across everyone's faces, ending with Yuna's gasped, "Auron and Rikku!"

* * *

"You can be Goldie, and _you_ can be Comet," Rikku giggled as she petted the female chocobo, recently dubbed Goldie. "And when you get little baby chocobos, I'm going to name them Starlet and Yellow Flash and Sunny!"

The quartet had fully recovered from the fiend's ambush, and the newcomer chocobo (conveniently male, whom Rikku named Comet) had been entreated with some of the greens Clasko had received from the children. Clasko's pride had been bruised, however, when Comet only accepted the greens from the children, attempting to flee whenever Clasko dared to near in order to feed the chocobo by his hand. Clasko put aside the insult, though, seeing as how Comet was still in their possession.

The arrival of a second chocobo eased their traveling arrangements immensely, since now both men could ride on a chocobo each with one child in their care. They could cover far more distance than before, and because the fiend's attack had driven them horribly off-course, they would need all the advantages they could get if they wanted to reach the Calm Lands sometime before the end of the week.

"Ye kids ready for a real chocobo ride?" O'aka announced as he saddled up behind Auron, resting an arm around the boy's waist to keep the toddler from falling.

"Go go!" Auron clapped, smiling broadly. "Birdies go go!"

"Alright," Clasko nudged the sides of Goldie as he looked at his map, prompting her forward. "Let's go. If we take this way, we should get back onto the main pathway…I think? Or maybe it's this pathway…"

Rolling his eyes, O'aka mirrored Clasko's actions and took the lead. "Follow me and I'll get us out of this forest."

Taking up the proper path once more, the party traveled quickly up, down, and underneath. They made excellent time, but before they reached the diverging paths leading to Bevelle and the Calm Lands Clasko made them stop in order to rest the chocobos. O'aka attempted to argue with the man that the birds were not delicate creatures, but one rather offended and blistering glare from the chocobo-loving man and the trader chose to save his time for calculating the distance and time until they reached the Calm Lands.

Rikku crouched near the trunk of one large tree, watching the two men with a cocked head. Choosing to make O'aka and Clasko her honorary uncles back in the Thunder Plains (the _very_ bad Thunder Plains, she shuddered) hadn't been all that difficult, nor based on any prior feeling of affection to them, but recently she had the oddest sensation that she knew the two grown-ups from sometime before. Like when she discovered her long-lost teddy bear that stupid Brother hid away from her when she was four that she found almost a year later.

Thinking of Brother made her think of her tytto, and what he would say to her when he found her again. Her lower lip trembled; she _hoped_ he would find her, she couldn't bear the thought of never seeing Home or Tytto or even Brother ever again. If she'd thought Tytto's mad-face about wandering off from Uncle Rin's Travel Agency had been the worst, she was sure in for it now. He'd be so mad, his face would probably get stuck, just like Keyakku always said it would, and she'd have to look at him being all mad-faced forever and ever times infinity. And Tidus and Yunie, and Lulu and Wakka and Kimahri…they had all been upset when she and Auron had played that game of Hide-and-Seek on the airship. Would they be even madder now? Madder than Tytto? _That_ made her worry more than the time she had broken apart Brother's toy machina to figure out how it worked.

"Rikku?" Auron's voice made Rikku snap out of her thoughts. "What awre you thinking about?"

"About Tytto, and how he's going to tell me that I shouldn't ever never ever again get into strange machina," Rikku scratched the side of her nose. "Did your tytto ever get mad at you, Auron? What'd you do to make him happy again?"

Auron screwed up his face in thought, his brown eyes closing to the shape of small, moonlily petals and his lower lip jutting out wetly. Rikku giggled; he looked like such a cute baby when he did that. "I don't wemember vewy well," he admitted in a small voice, swinging one foot slowly. "All I wemember weally good is water…bad water," he frowned. "They put me in the water and I couldn't bweathe. I twied to get out, but they wouldn't wet me. I was scawred."

Rikku couldn't imagine being kept in the water like that, though her Byby had mentioned something about the Evil Maester-Men of Yevon doing rituals like that, something called babatism or batzing or…well, something along those lines. Boy, was she _ever_ glad she hadn't been born to Yevon! "No wonder you don't like baths," Rikku mused aloud. "But, Auron, baths are fun! You don't have to put your whole head under, you just splash around and play with boats! Sometimes Tytto even puts this stuff in the water for me that makes it all foamy and bubbly!" she giggled.

Auron's face continued to stay in a pout. "I don't wike baths," he said stubbornly, and as though to prove his point he folded his arms and made a harumphing sound.

Rikku blinked, a sound echoing in her ears. "_Fine, we rest. She's worse than the storm._" She wrinkled her brows, rubbing her ears and wondering what she had just heard. The voice had sounded so familiar... "Auron, do you sometimes…I dunno, feel like you remember something, but you don't know what it is?"

The boy frowned. "I….I dunno. Sometimes I dweam and evewything is diffewent and I'm bigger, but I don' wike it, because it don' make me vewy happy at awll. And then I see you, o-or Yunie or Tidus and pictuwes come to my head. It's vewy weiwrd."

"Yeah," Rikku tapped her finger to her cheek. Maybe the words had belonged to Keyakku? No, it sounded more like something Brother would say….or maybe Tytto, if he were feeling grumpy (which, she reminded herself, he always was unless he had his bright little ray of sunshine known as Lady Rikku, Super Al-Bhed Knight of Spira, by his side) and she had done something like sticking his goggles in the oven again.

"Rikku? What's it feel wike when you need to pee?" Auron asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Like you have too much water in you and you gotta let it all go," Rikku shook her head, hoping to rattle the strange echo out of her head. "Why? You gotta go?"

Auron shifted his weight uncertainly, trying to decide. Getting to her feet, she jumped up and down and hailed their adopted uncles. "Uncle O'aka! Uncle Clasko! Uncle O'aka Uncle Clasko Uncle O'aka—"

"Aye, aye, what is it ye two?" O'aka trotted over, hands on his hips. "Not more…fiends, is it?"

"No, Auron's gotta go!" Rikku pointed.

"Oh, well then, let's get ye behind a bush, Auron," O'aka took the boy's hand and led him away. "Now, remember, when ye are doing this with a toilet, ye got to aim very carefully…"

As they became hidden from sight, Rikku turned to Clasko. He was mulling over a map etched in the bark, scratching his head. The chocobos hunted amongst the foliage, looking for food to munch on and communicating in a series of "Warks" and other low sounds.

"Uncle Clasko?" Rikku asked, trundling over. "Are we gonna find my tytto soon? I don't want to get into any more trouble than I already am, probably."

Clasko bit his lip, sighing internally. As much as O'aka was at odds with Bevelle and Yevon, they really should put the children's needs first, and that was to find their parents and guardians. Although, with Rikku being an Al Bhed, it would be next to impossible to find anyone at Bevelle who could look past her heritage and actually _care_ that she was lost, much less have access to the proper equipment needed to contact them. And Auron had said no names that could possibly be his guardians or caretakers in the past two days. Going to Bevelle would only give grief to O'aka and Rikku, and possibly some to Auron himself.

"We'll find a way to contact him once we get to the Calm Lands, Rikku," Clasko promised her. "It's only a few more hours away. Can you wait that long? Or else we'll have to go to Bevelle, and—"

Rikku's eyes flew open wide, making the swirls in her eyes expand and whirl almost hypnotically. "No! Bevelle's a bad place! They don't like us Al Bheds, and they put Auron in this water-thingy called bazping and wouldn't let him out and I don't wanna go!"

Clasko blinked, then smiled grimly. It appeared that even a child as young as Rikku understood prejudice. He hoped the Eternal Calm will do something to eliminate the hate. As for Auron's experience: "You mean they baptized him?"

The word struck a cord of familiarity to her. "Yeah! That! Let's not go to the bad place, please Uncle Clasko?" Rikku begged.

"Bevelle is beginning to reform now, though," Clasko stopped when the frightened look didn't leave Rikku's expression. "Don't worry, Rikku. We won't stop by Bevelle. We're going to go straight to the Calm Lands, alright?"

Her face brightened considerably. She smiled and almost replied when a whoop of exhilaration broke the serenity of the Woods. Clasko and Rikku looked over to where O'aka was slowly leading Auron from behind a tree-like bush, smiling broadly. "We got ourselves a potty-trained Auron!" O'aka announced proudly.

Auron grinned, jumping whenever he managed to catch up with O'aka's wider steps. "I did it, Rikku, Unky Clasko!"

"That's great!" Clasko smiled, this one happier and easier to manage. "I'd say it's time for chocolate cake…except we don't have cake. So we're just going to have to wait til we can get some for us to celebrate Auron's outstanding achievement. But until then…" Clasko felt around his pockets, finding some Gyshal Greens. "Why don't you feed Goldie and Comet, Auron, for being a good boy? And you, Rikku, for being a good sister to Auron."

Both men were treated to ecstatic children, right before they took the Greens and rushed to the chocobos, clamoring for the right to feed one or the other. Trading bemused looks, Clasko and O'aka sighed and moved forward to keep the children from falling into another argument.


	14. Lost in the Proverbial Rabbit Hole

This has been really, really long in coming, I know. I'm working on it, I truly am.

(And, fair warning...you might not like me at the end of this chapter.)_

* * *

Chapter 14: Lost in the Proverbial Rabbit Hole_

Celebrating Auron's success in avoiding a mess didn't go much farther than feeding the chocobos, a piggy-back ride (of which Rikku simply had to have, too) and pats on his back. Clasko and O'aka promised him, however, that once they reached the Travel Agency in the Calm Lands they would get him a treat.

After cleaning the impermanent camp, the quartet set off on Goldie and Comet. O'aka was cheerful enough, teasing Rikku and Auron animatedly and discussing the future of O'aka and Clasko's Supremely Singular Choco-Item Delivery Shoppe with the other man (who was wondering why a simple name such as Clasko and O'aka's Delivery Service wasn't good enough for the merchant). But as they neared the four-way intersection that led to the Calm Lands and Bevelle, O'aka quieted until he was hunched over Auron and directed Comet to trot in Goldie, Clasko, and Rikku's shadow. Curious about her adopted uncle's behavior, Rikku leaned over dangerously and swatted at O'aka's sleeve. "What's the matter, Uncle? You look scared."

"No O'aka is scared of anything!" he blustered, rising in his seat and straightening his back. Realizing how close they were to Bevelle, however, he slouched once more and mumbled, "Bevelle simply don't sit right with me."

They were now passing by the two guards protecting the path leading to Bevelle. Surprised that anyone not of Al Bhed heritage would be troubled by the Very-Bad-Yevon-Men, Rikku scowled at the plainly bored guards. In the blink of an eye Rikku slipped through Clasko's loose grip, landed on the ground with a grunt, sprinted to the two, and kicked one's shin. "Bad man!" she accused over his yelp.

"Rikku!" Clasko and O'aka gasped. Auron stared bewildered, confused but certain there was a purpose to Rikku's antics. He wriggled, intent on helping her, but O'aka tightened his hold and kept the boy on the chocobo.

Rikku ignored the adults, glaring up at the baffled guards. "What'd you do to my uncle? Shame on you! He's a good person!" As she went to kick the man again Clasko spilled from Goldie and snatched Rikku up, smiling uneasily at the men with empty apologies tumbling from his lips. Rikku began spouting words in Al Bhed, words that all the adults assumed she had picked up from her father and none of which were anything six-year-olds were supposed to know. As Clasko struggled away with a handful of Rikku and Auron's attempts to follow up on Rikku's attacks were fouled by O'aka, the two guards traded looks and sighed as one.

"I told you we should have filed for a transfer."

"How could I have known crazy little Al Bhed girls would come and kick your shins? Maybe you should smile more; people wouldn't want to kick you so much."

"Oh yeah? Maybe you should wash behind your ears more, so you'll stop whining about how your girlfriend complains."

"Hey, at least I'm not trying to buy my way into the Temple!"

"You're the one who wants to be the next Praetor!"

"I think I'd make the best Praetor in over a century."

"Pfft. You'd make a good Praetor—of a shoopuf tribe."

"Jerk."

"Moron."

* * *

"And ye never go within an inch of anyone else who's three feet bigger'n ye, got it?" O'aka finished his impressive lecture, glaring down at the children—mostly Rikku, but Auron's attempt to back Rikku up had not gone unnoticed—some yards down the path leading to the Calm Lands. Clasko was putting in a commendable stern look over O'aka's shoulder, but both children were blinking up guilelessly. When O'aka added for them to stop, "tryin' to look innocuous when ye both know ye did wrong," the childishly innocent looks transformed into confusion, Rikku going so far as to ask, "What's in-hock-wuss mean?" After that O'aka and Clasko sighed in defeat, reiterated firmly never to approach adults like they did the guards ever again, and set back off down the road. No matter how gravely O'aka delivered the speech, though, Clasko couldn't help but notice the wide grin on the merchant's face as he undoubtedly recalled Rikku's determination to avenge her Uncle.

It took not much longer after encountering the two guards to reach the Calm Lands' southern entrance. When the chocobos finally broke free of the dark shelter the Macalania trees gave the pathway and into the brightly lit territory of the Calm Lands, Rikku gasped in amazement, echoed shortly by Auron's loudly vocalized, "It'sth _huge_!"

"Is _this_ the Calm Lands, Uncle Clasko?" Rikku bounced in her seat, gazing up excitedly at him. The swirls in her eyes seemed to spin as they dilated. "I've never seen this before! And what's that? And that? And—"

"Whoa, Rikku, one question at a time!" Clasko chuckled, biting the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't laugh harder at her pouting expression; he was sure that would only make her pout more, which would turn it into a rather vicious but amusing cycle. "Yes, this is the Calm Lands. That," Clasko pointed to the tall structure being built below the cliff where they stood, "is a hovercraft. It'll be a part of the amusement park they're gonna open up in a year or so. Or so they say; I haven't really kept up on the progress."

"That over there's the Travel Agency," O'aka put in, pointing to the other object of Rikku's interest. The chocobos were nudged to follow the descending slope, and thankfully the birds seemed no more inclined to go too close to the ledge than O'aka or Clasko did. "We're gonna stop by there and pick us up some grub, and get into contact with ye's Pop."

"Oh, yeah," Rikku's face fell. She missed her Byby and Yunie and Tidus and everyone a lot, but…they'd be so mad. Were they so mad that they wouldn't even want them back? She and Brother had had a fight once, and Brother had said he was so mad that he'd never speak to her again, and for a whole day Brother didn't say a word to her, though by the next day he'd gone back to pushing her in the sand and being pushed back once more. Were grown-ups worse when they were mad? Would they not speak to her for forever? She didn't want that, she wanted Yunie to smile at her and Lulu to do up her hair like she did her own and she wanted Kimahri to lift her up high and and and….

_What do I do?_ Rikku wailed internally. _What would Byby do?_

_"Now, Rikku, we want this to run real smooth; it ain't everyday we kidnap a summoner right from under five guardians' noses. So, make sure you avoid anyone who'll give you a hard time, got it? If someone even looks at you cross-eyed, you go and take the long way, and save your strength for the big fish. Take all the time in the world; you only got one chance at makin' everything right, so there ain't no need to get all into a rush. You hear me?"_

Making a face, Rikku put a hand to her temple. She had that headache again, the one that came whenever she heard that voice in her head. The headaches hadn't been there at first when she heard what she assumed was Byby's voice, but now it came and took its time going away.

No matter the ache in her head, Rikku decided the Byby voice had a point, though most of it she didn't really understand. If she and Auron went back now, before they could decide what to do to make Byby and everyone else less mad, they'd be really in for it. It would be better to make the ultra-super-bestest Al Bhed invention in the whole entire history of Al Bheds of Spira before going back to Byby, crawling into his lap, and doing what she did best—second-best, actually: asking him forgive her.

It wouldn't be a very good idea to blow up her Byby, after all. She'd learned her lesson from when she tried to give her teddy-bear Ruffy her own hand-made time bomb so he'd start talking to her again.

"Rikku?" Clasko's voice made her look up; he was looking at her like all grown-ups did when she thought to herself. "You alright? You looked pretty serious."

"Uh huh!" Rikku nodded brightly. Her smile faltered, then she lowered her head as she said, "Uncle Clasko? Can I ask you a favor?"

"Uhh, sure, Rikku," Clasko hoped this wasn't something along the lines of girlishness—he'd thought himself lucky so far, but he knew how his luck went as well as anyone else: frankly, it sucked. "What is it?"

"Can we stay with you for a little longer?" Rikku asked, retraining her gaze back up to him sharply.

They reached the bottom of the slope, and turned northward. O'aka angled his head to their direction, listening in on the conversation. Interest piqued because O'aka's interest was, Auron turned his head as well, large brown eyes filled with the single-minded focus only a child could achieve.

Blinking, Clasko asked bewilderedly, "I thought you missed your t-tytto, and were worried about making him madder by staying missing for too long."

"Yeah, but," Rikku twiddled her thumbs, gaze wandering over the Calm Lands before coming back to his, eyes rolling upward instead of tilting her head back, "Byby's gonna be mad anyway, and if we waited a little longer, I could make him something so yfacusa that he'd _have_ to forgive us and not be mad." (_awesome_)

"Rikku, I'm sure your father just wants you home safe and sound, that'll be enough for him," Clasko tried to reason with the girl, but she shook her head fervently.

"You don't know my tytto! If he's mad, he'll be mad the whole way! Please? Please please pretty please with sand angels and apples and machina and my bestest teddy on top?"

It occurred to Clasko then that this girl was very knowledgeable in the art of making grown people who were supposed to have willpower crumble. He sighed, looking to O'aka for help.

The merchant was none, merely shrugging and saying, "If the lass wants to make her Pop a present, who're we to stop her? Ye got until tomorrow," O'aka warned as her face brightened. "We need to get the two of ye where ye belong, and that ain't on two chocobos wanderin' around the world."

Rikku looked horrified at the idea of having only a day to prepare her ultra-super-bestest invention. "I need to get supplies! Uncle Clasko, I need down! I need so much stuff, there's bound to be something around here, right?"

Before he had any chance for input Rikku squirmed and slid out of his grip like water out of his hands—he'd have to figure out how the hell she did that before she got herself into worse trouble than insulting the guards—and began exploring through the grassy fields, stopping every once in a while as she investigated something interesting. Seeing Rikku free and able to wander on her own, Auron looked up at O'aka with a pout of his own—Rikku must have been teaching him her art—and said plaintively, "I wanna pway with Rikku!"

With a chuckle and a, "Sure ye do, lad," O'aka slid off Comet and lowered Auron to the ground. "We wanna be able to see the both of ye at all times, got it?" O'aka called after them, watching as Auron, arms outstretched for balance, took hurried steps to make up for Rikku's longer gait.

Clasko joined him on the ground, relieving Goldie of his weight; both began leading their chocobos, giving them time to graze and recuperate from traveling with passengers. "What are we going to tell their guardians?" Clasko asked nervously. "I mean, her father's gotta be outta his mind worried about her, and if he learns we kept them a day longer just because we couldn't say no to Rikku, he's gonna—"

"Ah, don't worry about it, Clasko. There's only one person in Spira me fears, and the chance of High Summoner Yuna getting involved in this is zilch. After her, me ain't afeared of what anybody does."

"If you say so," Clasko sighed.

The children were looking carefully for items to be used (well, Rikku was; Auron kicked at the dirt and trotted happily over to Rikku with every one of his findings, including a rather repulsive and big spider that tried to eat at Auron's fingers) not too far ahead, giving Clasko something small to be relaxed about. Up until he noticed something moving on the horizon.

Something very low to the ground and very, _very_ fast.

Clasko gave a shout, rushing to snatch Rikku and Auron into his grasp before the fiend could reach them. Auron yelped and Rikku cried in indignation at being torn from her project before they noticed the fiend approaching. Clasko attempted to back away but tripped over a rock Auron had tossed aside when Rikku informed him it wasn't valuable, landing on his behind as the lupine leapt into the air and snarled—

—Only to be struck aside by a blunt-ended bolt.

The quartet and chocobos watched on as four people surrounded the fiend, herding it away from the travelers with electric rods. A youthful man holding a crossbow came up to them with a sigh, wiping his face with a cloth. "I'm so sorry about that," the man bowed his head. "We're importing fiends to the Calm Lands for the carnival, but…well, sometimes the fiends don't like the relocation and get out of hand. No one was hurt, right?"

"I don't think so," Clasko swallowed the lump in his throat he was sure was his heart trying to escape from him; he let Rikku and Auron go, the latter of whom kept a tight handhold on his shirt—it wouldn't surprise Clasko if it took everything and then some to convince the boy that the danger was over and it was safe to let go.

Rikku, on the other hand, bounded over to where the fiend had landed, fingers weaving through the thick grass thoroughly. She paused, then scooped up two objects, hefting one in each hand. She inspected the one in her left, a deep blue princess-cut gem with a red, cross-shaped symbol embedded in the center, before doing the same to the one in her right, a trinity of golden, miniscule stars tightly attached to one another. She didn't have to know what they were to know they would be useful in her project, so she tucked the gem and stars into her pocket. The sharp points of the stars poking through her pocket made walking uncomfortable, however, so she took it out and put it in a pouch made of thick, tough leather that hung from her belt. No longer being prodded by sharp, pointy things, Rikku obeyed Clasko's call to return with only a cursory swipe of her foot over the area to ensure nothing had escaped her notice.

As she came up to the adults she saw O'aka gaping at Clasko as he kept Comet and Goldie from running off, and tugged at one side of his pants. "Whatsamatter, Uncle O'aka?" she asked curiously.

The merchant stared down at her, his look of amazement changing into humor as he laughed. "Me neither seen nor heard of Clasko dropping the reins to a chocobo for _anything_ in the world. The sad part is, no one's ever gonna believe ol' O'aka when me starts spreadin' the news."

Rikku blinked, not quite sure why it was so utterly remarkable of Clasko letting the chocobos go. But she let a smile beam past her confusion and she cheered, "I'll back you up, Uncle O'aka! Now let's go to the Travel Agency and get us our—I mean, Auron's cake!"

* * *

As Clasko and O'aka suspected would happen, Rikku wound up sharing Auron's cake as she chattered away with the Al Bhed at the counter. O'aka had promised Rikku that her tytto wouldn't be contacted until the next day, but nothing kept Clasko from sending out a message to Lucil and Elma about lost children.

Nothing, except for the Al Bhed trader's unfortunate reply to his request.

"Our system's down. Rin's reorganizing the Agency from top to bottom, A to Z. Our messages aren't coming or going through. If it's a high-priority emergency, we can record your message, but we won't be able to send it out until at least tomorrow when our runner gets back from Mt. Gagazet." The trader shrugged her apology. "It's the best we can do."

Clasko gaped, then sighed. He supposed he should have expected his luck to return to its normal bad fortune after the lupine incident. Just as he turned to Rikku and Auron to get the name of their guardian O'aka bounded over, his usually-excited expression even more-so than usual. "Clasko! I've found it! I've found where our shop will be!"

Clasko paused. "Huh? What?"

O'aka actually _bounced_ on his feet and grinned like a person with a devious thought firmly planted in his head. "Ye ever hear about a monster breeder situated here in the Calm Lands? The one who made all those nasty beasties from fiends all 'round Spira?"

Thinking on it, Clasko thought he remembered something of it. At least, he remembered running into Tidus, Lulu, and Wakka on multiple occasions holding some very weird weapons and looking like they'd let fiends have the run of the battle. They had said something about a wacked-out man who bred monsters that gave them a remarkable challenge to beat. "I heard something of it. What about him?"

"He up and left about a month ago," O'aka informed him, pumping one arm as he was overwhelmed with the idea of success finally at his fingertips. "He left his place completely empty! No fiends, nada, zip! The whole place is free for the taking for anyone with a keen eye for entrepreneurial opportunities. Let's nab it before a young buck with some daft idea gets ahold of it!"

Gazing at the nearly-possessed O'aka, Clasko wondered if he had much of a choice in the matter. "Just, give me a minute so we can get a message out to—"

"The Travel Agency'll still be here tomorrow!" O'aka interrupted, reaching down and nabbing Rikku by the waist in spite of the chocolate covering her right hand and the squeal she emitted at the unexpected action. "We gotta go stake our claim on that property now, before someone else does! Right, Rikku? Ye wanta see where our new shop will be while ye get yer present all ready for yer Pop?"

"Yeah!" Rikku crowed, squinting her eyes shut with her wide smile. Chocolate stained her teeth and rimmed her mouth. "Pleeeassse, Uncle Clasko? I wanna see your shop!"

"I wanna go, too," Auron trundled up to Clasko, using one chocolate-covered hand to tug at Clasko's pant-leg. Auron's face was covered even more in chocolate than Rikku's, and taking a glance at the boy's shirt, Clasko noticed an equally-large mess down his front.

_Did he even get anything in his mouth?_ "Uh, right, Auron, but first let's get that chocolate washed off, huh? You too, Rikku," Clasko glared firmly at O'aka, whose excitement deflated once he figured out the former Chocobo Knight wouldn't cave and head out immediately. "C'mon, O'aka, let's get them cleaned up. We'll head out right after," he added with an eye-roll and sigh as O'aka instantly brightened.

The trader directed them to the restroom where they could find washing basins and a storage space with extra clothes. As the quartet headed into the back and disappeared from view someone else entered the Agency. The trader smiled and greeted him, recognizing the man as one of the people working on the amusement park. "How's construction going?"

"It's going," the man sighed, leaning on the counter. "All those damn fiends keep getting in the way. Those Malboros are the worst."

"Be glad that they _are_ the worst," the trader shuddered. "No one knows what in the world happened to all those…those _monsters_ the breeder created and still had before he left."

The worker gulped appropriately. "I've heard about them. They sound like a real nightmare. Well, no one's seen hide nor hair of anything out of the ordinary for the Calm Lands. We can just hope it stays that way."

"Yeah," the trader nodded in agreement. "Hope they went to some deep, dark cave to die and leave us people in peace of the Eternal Calm."

They fell silent, thinking over the past seven months and the delightfully Sin-free future. As Clasko, O'aka, Rikku, and Auron exited the Agency's underground extension (Auron clothed in a new and clean shirt) the trader smiled and waved a good-bye to them. Clasko tried to wave back, but O'aka growled something about wasting time and losing good real estate and yanked him away, circled by the two happy children.

"They look new," the worker remarked.

"Travelers passing through," the trader informed him. "I think the two adults were talking about setting up a shop in the breeder's old place."

"Shouldn't we warn 'em about the new breeds?" the worker asked.

The trader shrugged. "Like you said, there hasn't been any sign of them in the Calm Lands. As long as they don't go wandering into dark, creepy caves, I'm sure they'll be fine."

* * *

"You sure this is the way, O'aka?" Clasko asked hesitantly; they had left the northern boundary of the Calm Lands a while back, and were now wandering down a dusty path that went underneath the bridge leading the way to Mt. Gagazet. "I'm pretty sure I heard the breeder's locale was within the Calm Lands boundary, not outside of it."

"O'aka XXIII is most definitely sure, O'aka nodded, pointing ahead. "See, there's a cave over yonder! The person said it was set inside a cave."

Auron leaned to the side, peering past Comet's long, feathery neck. "We go that way?"

"Yep, that's gonna be our shop," O'aka nodded proudly. "Ain't it grand?"

"Let's leave the chocobos out here," Clasko mentioned, also peering at the cave. "I don't know if the breeder had it properly lit and laid out for chocobos. They'll be happier outside in the sun until we get a lighting system built in."

Rikku let out a whoop, dropping down off the chocobo after Clasko dismounted and rushed to the mouth of the cave. She tried to penetrate the darkness with her eyes, but everything remained in the shadows. The smile faded from her face as she felt the darkness oppress her, and she felt a growing ache in the back of her head. She didn't know what the worry in her meant, but it felt the same as back in Macalania, when the big, bad, nasty fiend had nearly gobbled her and Auron and her Uncles up.

The adults came up behind her, Auron's right hand held with Clasko's left. "You ready, Rikku?" Clasko smiled down at her. Emboldened by his mellow attitude, Rikku took Auron's free hand and O'aka's right, entering the cave in a line.

They went a slow pace, both for Auron's sake and for exploratory purposes. As the natural light from the outside dimmed, Clasko dug around in his pack for his flashlight marked with the emblem of the Chocobo Knights, one of the few remnants of his former career. The cavern was rather enormous and empty, but as they went from one cavern into a long, endless tunnel Rikku couldn't help but feel uneasy. There was something familiar about this cave. Something _bad_.

Looking to her right, where Auron walked beside her, Rikku saw Auron's face scrunch up into a look of discomfort. His smaller hand squeezed hers tightly.

He must have squeezed Clasko's, too, because the man glanced down and asked, "Auron, what is it? Do you need to go to the potty?"

The four of them paused as the adults waited for Auron's reply. The boy squirmed, giving a frown that looked more like a pout. "It'sth a bad pwace, Uncle Clasko," Auron told him quietly. "I know it. Bad, vewry bad."

"Yeah!" Rikku nodded furiously. "I don't like it one bit! Plus, I feel like I've been here before! And it's bad!"

"But, how could you have been here before?" Clasko frowned. Another mystery with these two children! Clasko felt as though for every day he was with the two delightful kids the more questions he had. "You've never even been in the Calm Lands before today—"

"Uh, Clasko?" O'aka spoke up suddenly; terror lined his face and his eyes widened to the size of spheres. "W-we've got ourselves a problem here."

Clasko turned sharply. Fiends had snuck in from behind them, from where the rancher could only guess, and were approaching them with hunger and murder in their eyes. The first line of fiends comprised of mostly lupines and Ahrimans, but in the distance Clasko could see the vague outlines of the enormous Iron Giants lumbering to them.

The two adults would have stood frozen had it not been for the squeals of the children as they turned and ran further into the cave. Echoing the youngsters, O'aka and Clasko raced after them, picking up one each as they sped away from the fiends. Clasko's flashlight rolled on the ground after he had dropped it in his fright, the yellowish beam attracting the attention of a few lupines. Losing interest fairly quickly, the fiends howled and ran after their prey.

Running straight through the tunnel, ignoring turns branching off the main pathway, Clasko led the way with Rikku in his grip into the final chamber, crying out in dismay as he found it a dead-end, bare of anything useful to fight off the fiends. He stopped abruptly, too abruptly as O'aka plowed into him and knocked Clasko three steps forward.

A flash of light threw the chamber into blindingly-painful relief, but when the light faded and the fiends entered to tear their prey into pieces, there was no one left in the chamber.


	15. A Recap of Our Adventures So Far

So, I have two apologies to make. First, I apologize for this having taken a little over four years to update. It took a ridiculous amount of time, and I'm sincerely sorry for that.

The second apology is in regards to a note I made in the first chapter. I hinted there would be an Aurikku-slant at some point, and while I might have planned that 10 years ago (that was when I _first_ started writing this fic, not publishing it) the story didn't turn out that way in the end. So, for inadvertently leading on probably a few of my readers, I apologize.

On a happier note: I _have_ finished writing _Crash Course Parenting_ in its entirety. This chapter is not the end; think of it more as a bare-bones refresher for those who don't want to go back and read all the way through.

* * *

_A Recap of our Adventures So Far:_

Brother scowled at the terrain passing below the airship, since he couldn't scowl at his sister Rikku for all the trouble she was putting them through. Beautiful, wonderful, clever Yuna only wanted to help Spira, and what did his irresponsible sister go and do but get herself and Sir Auron turned into children by a Guado witch! And no one bothered to tell him, her brother, even after an accident at Home resulted in them being lost, all alone in Spira.

Oh, sure, two people named Clasko and O'aka found them, so he'd heard, but Brother didn't trust them one jot. Who knew what the two would do with an Al Bhed?

But now, finally, they had a solid theory. Vydran (_father_) predicted they were heading north, and most everyone had agreed the party would bypass Bevelle, for some reason Brother missed. The obvious place to start looking anew was the Travel Agency at the Calm Lands, and they'd land in another ten minutes.

Brother hoped Rikku was there (and Sir Auron, of course). Knowing his sister at that age, though, he didn't hope too hard. She had the unfortunate luck of wandering into the most perilous circumstances. Oases with fiends, befriending strange young men who claimed to be from Zanarkand, fighting Sin…. If Rikku hadn't found herself in the deepest depths of the most dangerous cave filled to the brim with the toughest fiends in Spira, Brother would get all of his tattoos removed.

At the end of the day, Brother looked back on his last thought and promptly put his entire savings on a Blitzball game bet. (He lost).


	16. Blessed Gem, Three Stars, and a Ball

The final chapter should be up Tuesday (US Pacific time) evening. In the meantime, enjoy!

* * *

_Chapter 15: Blessed Gem, Three Stars, and a Ball_

_They aren't here_.

Of all the thoughts to bounce around in his head, Tidus wished that one would go away the most. It wasn't helpful, it was obvious, it had been determined six times over in the past ten minutes, but his mind refused to let go of that one fact.

_Gone. Gone gone gone gone—_

"Hey, you gonna keep poundin' the dirt or do somethin'?"

Tidus let his body rest on his knuckles and knees, taking in deep breaths. What had Clasko been thinking, dragging kids here and there?

"Clasko used to be a Chocobo Knight," Yuna said from her seat at the edge of the Travel Agency entrance. He must have spoken aloud. "I trust him with Auron and Rikku."

"Yeah, but, what do we do now?" Tidus settled back onto his haunches, exhaling deeply. "We don't know where they are, and even Buddy's gonna need more to go off of than their position in Macalania twenty-five minutes ago. For all we know, they could've gotten turned around and headed back south."

"Guard self, then guard summoner," Kimahri said, unfolding his arms. "Can't find Rikku and Auron if cannot think clearly."

Auron's words to Barthello from so long ago—something that felt like a lifetime now—made Tidus miss the old man even more. Breathing in slowly with effort, Tidus asked, "What would Auron do, then?"

"He'd turn to the one who has the knowledge," Lulu answered, stepping out from the shade of the Agency. "On Bikanel, when we were searching for Yuna, we listened to Rikku. Here, we ask Rin's agents if they've seen a man with two children and a chocobo." Lulu smiled, and Tidus wondered if anyone else felt strangely uplifted by the usually-somber woman smiling. "And we've found them."

"Seriously?" Tidus pitched forward in his rush to stand, nearly toppling back to the ground face-first. "Where? How'd you find them?"

"Rin's agent told us," Cid explained, coming up behind Lulu. "'Parently that faentu O'aka found the three of 'em, cause the agent overheard the two blathering about shops and chocobo stables." (_weirdo_)

Tidus had the frightening thought of Rikku in O'aka's care and finding her with the acquired taste for aggressive business transactions and strange accents. He tried to hide his grimace, but Wakka asked, "What now? Guy like you gettin' these funny thoughts all the time, it ain't good for finding Rikku and Auron, ya."

Clearing his thoughts, Tidus smiled weakly. "Sorry. Bad imagery of Rikku growing up to be O'aka XXIV or something. Where'd they run off to?"

"The Monster Rancher's stables," Lulu answered. She paused as Yuna, Wakka, Tidus, and even Kimahri grimaced at the reminder of the horrific fiends, then went on. "Clasko and O'aka decided to explore the premises. They left on two chocobos ten minutes ago."

"With two chocobos, they must be there already, then," Yuna rose, face set with determination. "Let's not miss them again."

* * *

Kimahri trotted behind the group, keeping watch for any fiends as well as tracking the scents of Auron, Rikku, and the chocobos. The birds were easy to differentiate from the number of smells in the air; chocobos were rare on Spira nowadays.

The further east they went, however, the fainter the scents became. Kimahri slowed, then drifted northward, sniffing experimentally. Yes, the smell was stronger this direction. "Stop."

The humans were slow to respond, but Yuna, so used to paying attention to him, came to a halt immediately. Tidus and the others followed suit shortly. "What's wrong, Kimahri?" Yuna asked.

"Smell goes north. They went north," Kimahri pointed.

"But," Wakka looked over his shoulder to the direction of the Monster Rancher's stables. "The ranch is east, over that way, ya?"

"Yes," Kimahri nodded. "But Auron, Rikku, Clasko, and O'aka went north."

Tidus scratched his head. "Maybe they got lost? Went north for a bit, but figured out they needed to go back south and east more?"

Biting her lip, Yuna looked between the two directions. "We can't afford to lose Auron and Rikku any longer. We'll split up. Uncle Cid, Wakka, Lulu, you go to the Monster Rancher's stables, and see if maybe they somehow managed to find their way. Tidus, Kimahri and I will follow the scent and try to catch up to them that way." Cid scowled, but Yuna preempted any argument from him with, "Auron and Rikku are the priority, Uncle Cid. We need to do this."

"Oh, alright," Cid sighed, fishing into his pockets. He pulled out a square block, and handed it to Tidus. "You know how to work one of these things?"

"A radio, yeah, sure," Tidus nodded. Kimahri had no idea what a radio was, but as the boy stuck it into his pocket Kimahri decided not to worry over it. Tidus seemed to know how to work many machina, almost as well as an Al Bhed most times.

"Good," Cid nodded. "You keep that on you. If you find the kids, you hail us, and we'll do the same."

The six of them parted. Kimahri watched for Cid, Lulu, and Wakka until their figures were lost even to his sharp eyes. Turning his full attention to tracking the scents, Kimahri led the way northward, out of the Calm Lands and into the border between Mt. Gagazet and the Calm Lands.

"Uh, Kimahri, you sure this is the way?" Tidus looked up at the mountains, just before the passed underneath the bridge heading into the gorge. "This is…pretty out of the way, don't you think? I'm sure O'aka and Clasko would've known bett—"

"Chocobos!" Yuna exclaimed, just before Kimahri pointed them out himself.

The two birds milled about outside the entrance to the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth, tethered so they couldn't run away. They greeted the party with echoing _wark_s, but otherwise showed no timidity toward people.

"Oh man. Don't tell me they went in _there_!" Tidus groaned, pulling out the radio and speaking into it. "Wakka, Lulu, Cid! They're at the Stolen Fayth Cavern. We're heading in."

The three of them sped inside. As they rushed deeper into the cavern they spared only seconds to take care of the fiends that crossed their path. Shouting their comrades' names, the three ignored the side paths; if Auron, Rikku, Clasko or O'aka had been down any them, they would have heard their yells.

Down one of those pathways, an enormous beast stirred awake, hearing the yells and smelling prey-scent. Rising to its four legs, the monster followed the three, sideswiping smaller fiends from its way.

* * *

The cavern smelled bad, like Brother's room at Home with no air circulation. Dark like his room, too. Rikku only knew the cavern was tiny because an eerie glow seemed to come from the walls themselves. Otherwise their room was dusty-floored and featureless. Pretty boring, compared to the vast Calm Lands or sparkly Macalania.

Then again, no fiends. She'd take boring over being gobbled up.

Uncle O'aka and Uncle Clasko didn't know what had happened. They were talking to each other, panicking about their entrapment. Oddly, Rikku didn't feel worried, or scared. The relocation to this room rang familiarly to her. As though she'd done it before, and it was only a matter of solving the puzzle in order to get back to the first room. Auron sat by their two uncles, drawing in the dust. He looked calm, too.

Sighing, Rikku lowered herself, chin on knees and arms wrapped around them. She wished she could remember the puzzle. Or if her head could give her a clue; one of those weird visions would be yfacusa— (_awesome_)

"Rikku!"

Blinking, Rikku lifted her head. A look over her shoulder showed her no one had heard anything. Rising, she put an ear to the wall.

"Rikku! Auron!"

Kimahri's bass voice felt loud enough to rattle her bones. Everyone else heard it, too; Clasko and O'aka had stopped speaking, and Auron came to his feet. "Kimahri?" he asked plaintively.

She heard more noises, all too high to be echoes of Kimahri's shout. "And Yunie and Tidus!" Rikku squealed. "They found us!"

"Tidus? Kimahri, Yunie?" Clasko stammered. "Like High Summoner Yuna and her guardians? But why are they here?"

"We're here!" Auron shouted, leaping up and down across the floor. Rikku doubted their friends could hear him, even if his voice was higher than her own—

The room's glow sharpened to a bright flash. Rubbing her eyes, Rikku blinked her tearing eyes. She gasped as she realized Auron had disappeared. Where he'd last bounced the dust was now settling, covering _lights in the ground_.

"I remember!" Rikku exclaimed, running to the lights. Carefully she blew on it, revealing a diamond set in the floor, an arrow pulsing dimly with light. "We musta stepped on this back in the other room. Come on, we just step on it and we'll go back!" She didn't wait for either of the adults; she hopped onto it, and quickly shut her eyes before the flash blinded her again.

"And here's Rikku!" someone shouted; she was swept into arms and twirled. Tilting her head back, Rikku saw strands of blond hair. "Oh, man, Rikku, you and Auron gave us a scare! No more wandering off, you hear?"

"No, I won't, I promise!" Rikku hugged Tidus around his neck, blinking as tears filled her eyes. She'd missed Tidus and Kimahri so much! "But Uncle Clasko and Uncle O'aka took good care of us!"

"Where _are_ O'aka and Clasko?" Yunie's voice asked. She stood behind Rikku, holding Auron in her arms.

"Yunie!" Rikku wriggled until Tidus set her on the ground and she wrapped her arms around Yuna's legs. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too, Rikku," Yuna hugged her. "You led us on quite a chase."

The cave flashed with light, meaning her uncles had come back. But the flash lit the passageway out of the room, and the form of a ginormous fiend.

She yelped, pointing and backing away quickly. Tidus moved in front of her to join Kimahri, who was already fighting the monster. Yuna put Auron down, and Rikku was grabbed from behind; Clasko had her, and O'aka was hurrying to the other side of the cave with Auron in hand.

Kimahri with his big lance and Tidus with his sword were cutting at the fiend, but the fiend was huge, too huge. Yunie was helping with healing and protection spells, but it was all the three could do to keep the monster at bay. One swipe even brought Kimahri down for a moment, and Tidus nearly fell, too, before Yuna revived Kimahri.

She had to do something! She couldn't let that fiend kill Yunie and Tidus and Kimahri—

_Pressure, pressure, she never did well under pressure. Digging through her pack, dropping one ingredient after another, she tried to reason out what would make the biggest bang to kill this stubborn fiend._

"_Rikku, now would be good!" Tidus yelled at her, dodging a tentacle._

"_Ah, ah, cred," she yanked at her hair, snagging a trio of miniature gold stars and a gem with a cross sunk into it. She had no reason to believe they would inflict too much damage, except for their explosive reactions with other materials. She combined them._

_Sparks flew from the concoction; heat burned her fingers through her thick gloves. "Ah! Oh, cred! Take cover, it's gonna blow!"_

"_Rikku, what is that?" the big meanie-head snapped, eyeing the sparking, bubbling container in her hands._

"_I dunno! I just put it—Uf, dryd'c rud! Ah, ah!" (Oh, that's hot!) She threw it, barely taking any time to aim at all. From the corner of her eye she saw Auron rushing for her, just before he tackled into her and was backlit by blue-hot black-red fire—_

Rikku blinked, and for a moment she felt ready to be sick. Something pricked her fingers.

Her hand had found its way to her pouch. The treasure hunt in the Calm Lands seemed so long ago, but her two treasures remained safe. Pulling out both objects, she inspected them. A trio of small gold stars and a pretty gem with a cross inside. They were the same from the dream.

"Uncle Clasko!" she kicked at his shin as she worked to mix the two together. "I need you to help me!"

"Rikku, I don't think this is the time—Whoa!" he jumped as, just like in her dream, her mixture popped and burned.

"Hurry, throw it!" Rikku shoved it into his hands and screamed at her older friends, "Move! I made a bomb!"

Only Kimahri looked back, but he recognized what Clasko lobbed from his hand. He grabbed Yuna and Tidus, the latter in the middle of a leap, and rushed Clasko and Rikku. Rikku shrieked as Clasko snatched her and ran to the back of the cave toward O'aka and Auron.

The cavern filled with light once more, this time a violent, black-red color that burned into Rikku's eyes even past her eyelids. An explosion deafened her; heat filled the large cavern unbearably. The adults fell atop of her and Auron, both in an attempt to protect them and from the concussive force.

Minutes later, the explosion had subsided. Peeking with one eye, Rikku saw the gigantic fiend's silhouette, prone on the ground. Her bomb had killed it.

She _totally_ needed to show Tytto and Brother how she did that.

"Is…is it over?" O'aka whispered. He lowered his arms, rising from his crouch slowly.

"I think so," Yuna said, her quiet voice almost too faint to hear. She giggled nervously. "Rikku, that was…very quick of you. I'm so proud of you." Her giggles erupted into laughter.

Tidus joined her in laughing, falling to sit on his behind as his sword clattered beside him. "I thought we were toast for a minute there! Good job, Rikku! C'mere, Auron." He scooped the boy up, hugging him tightly. "You okay, kiddo?"

Auron blinked up, sniffling. "No more 'ventures," he asked pleadingly.

"I agree, little guy," Clasko nodded. "Why, I thought we were gonna be fiend-food—"

Kimahri's head jerked, and he brought his spear up with a snarl. The others turned, too shocked to gasp in fear.

The fiend had rose to its feet, its eyes glowing red with hate. It snarled, took a step forward—

Only to jerk with a howl as something shot off its head, ricocheted against the ceiling, smashed back into its bleeding head, and bounced back further into the passageway. With one last groan of defiance, the fiend dropped, exploding into pyreflies.

The group stared, confused. They started when a voice yelled, "Hey, you all okay? You find Rikku and Auron?" Wakka, his World Champion braced on his hip, came racing in. His eyes scanned the cave briefly before landing on them, and the tension abruptly left him. "Jeez, you guys, you know better than to leave fiends lying around, ya?"


	17. Epilogue or, the Graduation Party

Thank you to all the readers. Please enjoy!

* * *

_Chapter 16: Epilogue (or, the Graduation Party)_

Tidus' radio call had caught Cid, Lulu, and Wakka just as they'd made it to the Monster Rancher's base. They immediately went north, but at Lulu's insistence Wakka had run ahead. She'd felt an ominous chill, and wanted to ensure everyone's safety.

"And what possessed you to go into a cave like that, huh?" Wakka went on in his impressive lecture, berating Clasko and O'aka while holding Auron close. The poor tyke was sound asleep in his arms, worn out from all the frights. Rikku, too, slept as Kimahri carried her via piggy-back. "If I'd been five seconds later, you woulda been fiend soup, ya?"

Much to everyone's relief, he only said to Lulu and Cid, "Found 'em all safe as temples, not a worry!"

They all boarded the airship, even Clasko and O'aka with their two chocobos. Madame Tora the Witch needed another two days (or three? To Tidus it felt like all the days had blended together) to concoct the potion to restore Auron and Rikku, so the airship made its way back south at a leisurely pace, giving everyone their much-needed rest. The two children acted on their best behavior, which made Tidus suspicious on principle, but Rikku seemed to have exhausted her taste for wild adventures, and Auron just seemed exhausted.

As agreeable as Rikku tried to be, though, it took several earnest promises from Yuna that nothing bad would happen for Rikku to allow her and Auron to be led into Madame Tora's house. She was still convinced the Witch wanted to eat her and Auron, but with Kimahri's looming presence, Cid's firm hand on her back, and Yuna's sunny smile, Rikku grudgingly sat on a chair next to Auron at the kitchen table. They were both dressed in oversized robes, to accommodate their adult sizes.

"That's it?" Tidus asked Madame Tora as she ladled out two glasses of thick, green liquid from a large pot. Tidus was sure he could bounce a blitzball on the liquid's surface.

"Drink potion, returned be thy children to adulthood," Madame Tora nodded. She set the glasses on the table, frowned, then tapped a finger to each. With a _poof_ the liquids became more fluid than jelly.

Rikku still made a face. "I'm not drinking that!"

Auron looked from her to the glasses, then folded his arms. "Nuh uh!"

Cid crouched down and looked his daughter in the eyes. "Rikku, you've been a good example to Auron, haven't you?"

"Yeah!" Rikku nodded. "The best!"

"Well, now you gotta be a good example one more time. The potion's good for you, Rikku. You need to drink it."

The girl's face set into a stubborn frown.

Cid scratched his head, then added, "Or else I'm givin' all your toys to Brother and makin' you do nothing but wash sand outta machina for the whole year."

Rikku gaped. A whole _year_? And _all_ her toys?

She took the glass and gulped the entire contents down. Auron watched her dubiously, but didn't argue when Tidus helped him drink his.

"Well, did it work?" Wakka asked. All the adults watched the children closely.

Auron burped.

* * *

_Three Days Later_

Rikku thought if Cid went into another weepy nostalgia-trip over her return to childhood and how he wished he'd had just one more day with her six-year-old self, she'd have to take extreme measures. Like moving to Zanarkand. Or taking up residence in the Fayth's chamber at Bevelle.

It wasn't as though she _remembered_ anything from the last week. Not that she minded, but she still thought it a capital crime against Spira that Yunie and everybody hadn't at least made a sphere-recording of three-year-old Auron for _her_. She would've liked the laugh and blackmail material. Cid had plenty of _her_ embarrassing moments recorded for posterity and all the curious people.

Swiftly making her way through the airship and avoiding anyone resembling either Tytto or Brother, Rikku rode the lift up to the deck. She'd find some privacy there to get her mind back in order. Not having a week to account for messed with her head more than she thought it ought to. Her head hurt especially whenever Yunie or Tidus or Wakka started saying something like, "Oh, and that time when you and Auron were tossing Lulu's dolls off the airship…"

Rikku, quite honestly, was amazed Lulu hadn't fried her with Thunder magic for that. She would've done it on herself for the mage.

The lift stopped, and Rikku took care as she adjusted to the wind. To her surprise, Auron sat at the prow of the ship, one elbow on an upright knee. He was drinking leisurely from his jug.

"Hey," she greeted, coming to stand beside him. He grunted, not bothering to get up. His glasses were high on his nose, all the better to protect his eyes. Rikku's own eyes were beginning to water, so she sat with her back to the wind. Hair fluttered around her face. "You remember anything so far?"

"No," Auron shook his head. He offered her the jug.

Blinking, Rikku took it carefully. She sipped, grimacing at the sharp tang of alcohol on her tongue. "I'm underage, you know."

"Al Bhed are considered adults at the age of sixteen, and therefore are allowed to drink alcohol," Auron said. He took the jug back and drank.

Rikku chuckled. "I didn't think you'd know that."

Auron shrugged one shoulder. "You pick things up here and there on pilgrimages."

They sat in silence as the ship roared around them, heading steadily for the Calm Lands once more, to drop Clasko and O'aka off with their chocobos. Rikku still couldn't believe Clasko and O'aka had been in charge of she and Auron for at least two days. She kept expecting some chocobo- or sales-speech to come pouring out of her.

"You know, the last thing I remember, before apparently we took a week off to relive the single-digit years, I was trying to get you to help me prank Dona," Rikku said slowly.

Auron set the jug carefully down by his other knee as he said, "From what I've heard, you wound up making good on that."

"Yeah, well," Rikku paused, wishing once again _someone_ had had the sense to bring a sphere-recorder along on the trip; she would've liked to see Dona's face with mud dripping from her hair. "I was thinking ungrateful thoughts, back then, and I wanted to, uh… Apologize. For tempting fate and all."

He looked over at her from behind his tinted glasses, shook his head, and went back to staring at the blue skies. "I don't need your apology for that. Maybe there is destiny, and maybe the Fayth have some way of influencing events in the world. But I don't believe in fate, or 'tempting' it."

It was Rikku's turn to shrug. "They still weren't very nice thoughts. So I am sorry."

They continued to sit in silence, the wind howling around them. Auron said, "I will have an apology for the incident at Guadosalam, though."

Rikku blinked. Had he remembered something from the missing week? "What'd I do?"

"You started this whole mess."

Rikku realized he meant her game of Tag, and them accidentally knocking over Madame Tora. "I totally apologized to Madame Tora. You were there and everything. And if you'd just played like any other good-natured man, it wouldn't have happened at all."

"But if you hadn't stolen my jug, I would not have given chase and Madame Tora's pride wouldn't have been injured. Thus, it is your fault."

Squinting at Auron, Rikku could see the tiny smirk peeking up past his collar. "Jerk," Rikku chortled. "Fine. I'm sorry."

Auron nodded. "Apology accepted."

"You gonna apologize to _me_ now, for not playing Tag with me?"

Auron tilted his head. "Mm. No."

"Zang." (_jerk_)

Cid's voice came over the intercom, announcing in Al Bhed their arrival at the Calm Lands, and he demanded that Rikku get down to the cockpit, now, before he sent a search party for her. She rolled her eyes and stood. "We're at the Calm Lands," she told Auron.

He rose as well, securing the jug to his belt. "Then let's go see Uncle O'aka and Clasko off," he started, then flinched. She saw his brows furrow.

For herself, she bit her tongue firmly. Knowing her luck, she'd laugh hysterically at his slip, embarrassing him, and make a mistake herself a hundred times more humiliating immediately after. "Right. C'mon, then." She walked away, fighting valiantly against the chuckles.

The wind carried Auron's sigh to her. "Go ahead and laugh. Before you combust."

"No!" Rikku shook her head, forcing her wide smile to vanish before she turned around. "No laughter here! I swear on my life, my dearest squire!"

They got onto the lift before Auron raised a brow at her. "Your 'dearest squire'?"

Rikku clapped her hands to her face with a groan as the lift doors shut.

* * *

The End.


End file.
